Category Archives: Dr. Karen’s Podcast Guests

March 24, 2024

Rebekah Simon-Peter: The Encounter And Call With The Miraculous Jewish Jesus [Episode 469]

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Rebekah Simon-Peter | Faith

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Rebekah Simon-Peter | Faith

 

Rebekah Simon-Peter is passionate about reconnecting spiritual leaders with their God-given powers to co-create miracles with the divine.  Her award-winning group coaching program, “Creating a Culture of Renewal® has energized church leaders across the country to reclaim their calling and to grow their ministries.

Educated in Theology and Environmental studies and previously serving as an ordained United Methodist Pastor, Rebekah is uniquely prepared for her current consulting role to grow the Green Church.

The author of many books to include “Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World,” “Dream Like Jesus®,” “The Jew Named Jesus,” and “Green Church,” her newest book, due out later this year is an invitation to a transformational journey from discipleship to apostleship where believers co-create miracles with Jesus.

Listen today as Rebekah speaks with Dr. Karen about how to bring out the best in the people who frustrate you the most, the multi-dimensional meaning of the sustainable green church, how to cultivate a miracle-making mindset, Five surprising elements of Jesus-like dreams, her personal testimony about discovering the Jewish Jesus, her journey and lessons from addiction, how to create a culture of renewal, and more.

Reach Rebekah at rebekahsimonpeter.com

Listen to the podcast here

 

Rebekah Simon-Peter: The Encounter And Call With The Miraculous Jewish Jesus [Episode 469]

Rebekah Simon-Peter is passionate about reconnecting spiritual leaders with their God-given powers to co-create miracles with the divine.  Her award-winning group coaching program, “Creating a Culture of Renewal®” has energized church leaders across th…

God still speaks to his people, and he is still a God of the supernatural, both in the church setting and at work. Our guest for this episode will share about the supernatural God she has come to know and invite us to a deeper walk with the creator of the universe. God stands ready to transform church leaders, their congregations, and his marketplace ministry leaders.

My guest, Rebekah Simon-Peter, is passionate about reconnecting spiritual leaders with their God-given powers to co-create miracles with the divine. Her award-winning group coaching program, Creating a Culture of Renewal, has energized church leaders across the country to reclaim their calling and grow their ministries. Known for teaching leaders how to bring out the best in the people who frustrate them the most, her work transforms church leaders and the congregations they serve.

Her insights, experiences, and recommendations also apply to corporate business leaders. Stay tuned to hear the business applications. Rebekah is the author of Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World from Market Square Publishers in 2022, Dream Like Jesus, The Jew Named Jesus, Green Church, Green Church Leader Guide, and 7 Simple Steps to Green Your Church.

Educated in theology and environmental studies, and previously serving as an ordained United Methodist pastor, Rebekah is uniquely prepared for her consulting role to grow the Green Church. A dynamic speaker, Rebekah has engaged and challenged audiences around the country. She’s an avid hiker, dog mom, wife to Jerry, lover of coffee, and a gratitude junkie. Welcome, Rebekah, to the show.

Thank you so much, Dr. Karen. It’s such a joy to be here. I’m looking forward to it.

What Is A Green Church? Connecting Scripture, Science, And Sustainability

It’s a joy to have you here. I’m looking forward to diving right in with you as well. Since I’ve used that word in your bio so many times about Green, I’m going to start there. What is a Green Church? What are you attempting to accomplish with Green Church? Why is that relevant?

When I first wrote those books back in 2010, I wanted to connect what scripture had to say about taking care of creation and what science said about how we were doing at it. I brought those two disciplines together to help churches understand how to love the earth that God created and continues to create, and how to live sustainably. We’re not living at the expense of the earth but in harmony with the earth. It’s important.

Look at the changing environment and climates around us. Business has to pay attention to that. Church needs to pay attention as well. There’s another piece of green though, and that’s the ecosystem of the church. In the ecosystem of the church, we want a church that’s experiencing renewal that has vision, life, and living waters flowing through it, not just stagnant, which so many churches have become. It has a dual meaning to that.

When you talk about sustainability and living in harmony with nature, the environment, and so on, how is that specifically beneficial to churches? We understand what businesses are trying to do but what’s beneficial to the church?

It’s beneficial in several ways. One, people get to live their faith, where faith is not disconnected from the earth but has a deep, profound awareness of nature and gratitude for God’s energy that flows through it and sustains it, and they see themselves as part of it. There are benefits as well when people linger over dishes and wash dishes together. Try telling all the church ladies that, I’m not sure it goes over too well. There’s a sense of community when we’re not just participating in a throwaway and disposable society because then our relationships begin to feel like that, too. Quick, hurry, throw everything in the trash.

That’s an interesting perspective. We’re modeling in our actions and behaviors the sustainability we want to see at a deeper level, not just on the disposables, but we don’t have disposable relationships. We want to value people a bit more, take care of them, clean them up, whatever is necessary.

This is our only earth. It is the place in which all of human history has happened. It is the place where human history unfolds. To care for it and live as though it’s sacred, not just with our words and thoughts but with our deeds matters for the Church.

Co-Creating Miracles With God: Stepping Out In Faith And Collaboration

Thank you very much for sharing that additional perspective on that. One hallmark of your work with churches is to get them out of the mire and into the miracle so they can co-create miracles with God. What kind of miracles are you talking about? What have you seen?

The kind of miracles I’m talking about are like walking on water. Your audience may remember the story of Jesus walking on water. Peter, who’s in the boat, said to him, “Lord, if that’s you, call me to you.” Jesus says, “Yep, come on out.” Peter starts walking on water a little bit, starts to doubt, and then he begins to sink. What gave Peter the courage to swing his leg over the side of the boat was knowing that Jesus would have his back if his faith faltered.

[bctt tweet=”This is our one and only Earth. This is the place in which all of human history has happened. It is the place where human history unfolds. We need to care for it and live as though it’s sacred.” via=”no”]

In churches, we often don’t have each other’s backs. We operate in silos, as many businesses do, with little silos, little decision-making, and separate budgets. When we come together and work collaboratively, which is so important in the church and business, we have a sense of having each other’s backs. We can do what seems impossible, like walking on water. This could look like funding ministries that seemed out of reach. It could also look like reaching people we never thought we could, or those who are too different from us, or wondering what we have to offer them.

In our work together, we’re seeing that when people can enter into the miracle-making mindset, all kinds of things become possible versus that narrow little band of predictability and what can we afford cuts off limits vision. We find it important to put vision before budget, and that’s where the miracles can begin to happen.

That’s a very important concept because God is greater and bigger than what we can see and imagine on our own. If we only imagine what we think we can afford, that is a limitation. He is the God of abundance, owning the cattle on 1,000 hills and so on. He can make the miraculous happen like Jesus feeding the 5,000 with just 2 fishes and 5 loaves, or any of the other examples that we have in scripture of miraculous and abundance at the same time.

Amen. That’s it exactly.

What typically stops churches from seeing and realizing these miracles in today’s time?

The church has set its expectations way too low. We’ve seen a steady exodus from the pews since the 1970s. The group of people is known as spiritual but not religious, and also the nones and the dones. With that steady exodus of the people left in churches, the focus that is left on the church is they are the hardcore backbone of the church. They’re people who are loyal, cautious, and not quick to take risks.

We have a concentration of people who’ve aged in place. They have such a focus on caution, harmony-seeking, and stability that they don’t easily enter the realm of risk, adventure, or curiosity as easily. Part of the reason that there’s such a preponderance of caution and harmony-seeking in the church is that there’s been a steady exodus since the 1970s of the spiritual but not religious and the nones and the dones. Those are people who typically are more curious, risk-taking, and adventurous. The folks that are left in church while the backbone of the church tend to not possess those qualities as much. They’re seeking to protect what’s left rather than adventure to create something new.

Big, Bold, Kingdom-Oriented Dreams: Expanding Possibilities And Impacting Communities

That’s phenomenal and fascinating to think about. Let me ask this. In your book Dream Like Jesus, you write about the need for big, bold, kingdom-oriented dreams. How are churches impacting their communities with those levels of dreams? Why should business owners even care about what the churches are doing in their communities?

If I might mention the five surprise elements of a Jesus-like dream, these are the criteria for what a dream would look like. 1) It’s got to expand assumptions about what’s possible. 2) It’s got to be bigger than you are. It cannot fit on your to-do list. It can’t even fit on your people’s to-do list. That means it’s going to have a fear factor. It’s scary a little bit. All of that means it’s bigger and, requires the input of God. That means we can begin to move into the miraculous. 4) It’s got to be bigger than the survival of the institution. It’s got to be about the blossoming and flourishing of the community. 5) It’s got to inspire people and unify them.

We know from Jesus that even all of his beautiful dreams didn’t inspire or unify everybody. It doesn’t have to be consensus. Why should business owners and business leaders care about these five surprise elements of a Jesus-like dream? You can use those in business. Churches are out to make an impact. The churches we work with are doing everything from intentionally creating safe spaces in the community where vulnerable populations can feel safe or mental health needs are being addressed. Sibling groups that enter into foster care have a safe place to be together. Homes that care for sibling groups of families are being cared for and stewarded in important ways.

The church is more and more meeting needs in the realm of mental health, social services, and belonging. We live in one of the loneliest times we’ve ever lived in. Even with all the social media, people are so lonely. Churches fill a need and a gap that’s so important. If we’re going to have healthy businesses, we have to have healthy communities and churches. I see all of those groups working together as very important.

That’s an important point because those people in the communities if they’re not healthy, they’re not prepared to enter the workforce in a great way and be able to contribute to the community as employees or entrepreneurs and business owners. There may be a greater influx of crime if people aren’t on the right foot.

I think about corporations and their corporate social responsibility programs and how many of them are also trying to build the community and elevate the lives of the people who live near and dear to where they are building their buildings and corporations. It’s not just that we are in this community and we don’t care about it. Even the corporations are thinking about how they can benefit the community. What I hear from you is the church and business can partner together in some of that.

Why Should Businesses Care About Churches? The Vital Role Of Churches In Healthy Communities

Absolutely. We all live in the same community. We’re all contributing to the same community and the beneficiaries of the community, but we’re also impacted by the negatives of the community. We are in it together.

[bctt tweet=”If we’re going to have healthy businesses, we have to have healthy communities. We have to have healthy churches.” via=”no”]

My Journey To Jesus: From Jewish Roots To A Christian Calling

I’m going to shift gears a little bit because one of the most interesting parts of your story, at least to me, is that you grew up Jewish and later discovered the Jewish Jesus. How is it that you came to be a believer in Jesus as the Messiah? Tell us about that story.

Thank you for asking, Dr. Karen. Born and raised Jewish in an interfaith home with a Jewish mom and a Catholic dad, we celebrated all the holidays. We had Passover, Easter, Hanukkah, and Christmas. I knew about all those holidays. The Christian holidays were more opportunities to have the Easter bunny visit or get presents at Christmas. It wasn’t really about Jesus. I was raised as a Reformed Jewish.

When I got clean and sober, I was hanging around Christians who were talking about their faith for the first time. Being in that environment got the juices flowing, but I had a waking vision of Jesus. My eyes were closed but I wasn’t asleep. It wasn’t a dream. Here is this Jewish Jesus, curly, thick, dark beard and curly, thick, dark hair and olive skin and warm, crinkly eyes, looking at me, communicating such love and understanding with his eyes. I felt like he was saying, “I love you. I understand you. I accept you.”

It was an awkward moment because it was not like he had been on my radar screen. It wasn’t like a burst into song. That’s not what happened. I was a little freaked out. I called one of my dear friends, one of my spiritual guides, and told her about it. She said, “Jesus was Jewish.” It was like, “Everybody knows that.” She said, “Did you know the disciples were Jewish?” I was like, “What’s a disciple?” She said, “You haven’t read the New Testament?” I said, “It’s not my book.” She said, “I’ll get you a copy.” I thought, “I’m not going to read it.”

She got me a copy. I didn’t read it. She was in seminary at the time. I thought, “There she is studying Hebrew in the middle of the day. I thought you only did that when you’re getting ready for your bat mitzvah,” which I had done. This happened when I was 28, the vision of Jesus. I’d been confirmed, had my bat mitzvah, and all of that. I thought, “I’m going to go to seminary too.”

I went off to the Iliff School of Theology, where I got to study the Hebrew Bible, Greek, New Testament, and all of that. It was almost like I’d been waiting my whole life for that experience for everything to come together. I didn’t think I was ever going to become a Christian. That’s not why I went. I was just going to be a Jew who followed Jesus. In my second year in seminary, I got the call to ministry. That’s how I got started on that. The very first church I joined and served as a historically African-American congregation. It seemed the closest to my experience. It was the most passionate.

In some of the other churches I attended, I thought I was not going to be able to stay awake on a Sunday morning, let alone get ordained, because some of the churches didn’t have the passion and movement of the spirit. I’m very much about the passion and the movement of the spirit. My calling, after I did twelve years as a pastor, is to revitalize churches with passion, spirit, and that miracle mindset, because we follow Jesus, the miracle maker. Where are we truly in terms of living that faith? That’s a brief encapsulation but it gives you a sense of where I’ve come from.

I love your story. To me, it’s amazing. It’s the picture of how God will reach us wherever we are and he’ll send us to places where we can experience him at a greater level. Who would have known it would have been at the seminary where he was studying, not to become a Christian necessarily, but to learn more about this? He showed you more. That’s miraculous in and of itself, as far as I’m concerned. I have a lot of Jewish friends and grew up in a very Jewish environment. There are very few of my Jewish friends who have come to see the Jewish Jesus as the Messiah. When I hear a story like yours, it’s exciting and inspirational.

It’s interesting to me. It came out of the blue. I wasn’t asking or looking for it but the way that miracle and vision inspired so many of my friends who had spent so much of their life praying for a visitation like that helped them understand that the age of miracles was not over. I feel like I’ve entered the Christian journey on the tide of miracles. That’s been a theme for me. Understanding the God of miracles and how to co-create miracles with God has been so important to me.

You also mentioned the role of the black church. Tell us a little bit more about that. How did the black church inform your early years as a believer? You talked about sensing the spirit there and the connection with your Jewish roots. Say more about what that was like and how it was different from being in churches that were not necessarily African-American or black churches.

For me, it was very interesting to be a minority among minorities. Here I am, a Jewish Christian. Already, it’s not any sort of classic profile. I don’t care what people say about conversion. For me, it wasn’t about shedding one identity and taking on a new identity. It was about adding another layer or lens through which I saw the world and see the world. I think of myself as a Reformodox Methodeutic, which takes into account all of my spiritual history.

Adopting, and understanding Jesus as Jewish, as Messiah, entering into the black church, and being a minority among minorities gave me a greater sense of safety than what you might think of as passing in a white church. “She looks white. She’s like one of us.” I can’t describe it but it was an interesting journey for all of us. We all worked on biases. We worked on preconceptions or stereotypes that we had about each other. It was a very fruitful time in the life of that church. I’m so proud to have been part of it and for God to have given me that extreme blessing.

In my whole life, I had that longing to be more a part of black culture and in the black church. I didn’t even know that but when I got there, I realized this was like a dream come true that I didn’t even know I had. It was very interesting because I was in seminary at the same time and taking studies under Dr. Vincent Harding, who had marched with Dr. King. I was learning so much about the Civil Rights Movement. At the same time, I was at Scott. It sharpened my understanding of privilege and power. I felt like I got an inside view of things that I don’t know I would have had any other way. It was such a beautiful gift to me.

When I left after three years, I left as a valued member of the community and part of the family. It expanded my sense of connecting with the human family. I was part of a community where kids were bused in from another larger urban area into my community. I always grew up with Black friends. I always had Black friends. That was a deep part of my understanding of what it meant to grow up in my family, grow up Jewish, and grow up going to my school. I always had that diversity, even though it was a community that didn’t have a lot of diversity inherently in it.

[bctt tweet=”It is very important to understand the value of bringing people together and giving people the opportunity to work together, create partnerships together, and to create a new future that our families get to live into together.” via=”no”]

I’ve always had those connections with the Black community that have been important to me and feel natural to me. It’s been such an important part of my journey as a leader and human being. That’s important for businesses to think about. The church is one place that can be very segregated. Businesses, however, tend to be intentionally diverse. That’s very important to understand the value of bringing people together, giving people the opportunity to work together, create partnerships together, and create a new future that our families get to live in together.

It’s interesting that when we have diversity and an opportunity to interact with one another, we can see the commonalities in our histories, backgrounds, and stories. Many Black people relate to the struggles of the Jewish people, particularly in the Bible, being enslaved in Egypt, suffering there, crying out to God, having God send a deliverer to get out of that, and so on. Later, in modern times, the Holocaust, there are many parallels to circumstances and situations that Black people have faced as well. I see a natural connection between the histories of different people groups, between Jews and Blacks.

Those commonalities, the focus on the Hebrew Bible, slavery, and the coming out of slavery, were huge parts of my feeling at home and comfortable.

Lessons From The Pastorate: Cultivating Faith And Empowering Laity

You were a pastor for some time. What lessons did you learn as a pastor? How do those insights inform how you work with churches today?

I think back on all the wonderful churches I got to serve and the fabulous people I got to work with. I learned that people have a deep and abiding faith. It wasn’t my job to teach people faith. My job was to help them cultivate their faith journey and take their next step. We didn’t have to agree theologically. I didn’t have to see the world exactly the way they saw it. They didn’t have to understand God exactly the way I did. That mattered much less than that I was an advocate and a champion for them on their journey of faith and that they continued to take the next step.

The way that translated for me in my coaching and consulting as I work with church leaders is to help them understand their job. It’s not to change their people. It’s to cultivate what’s already nascent within them, what’s already in their hearts, what’s already in their spirits, and to draw that forth. I hate to say it but too many times, church leaders don’t understand the full value, the life experiences, and the richness of their laity. I want to help them see that and partner with their laity.

These people are not only the backbone of the church, they’re the visionaries. Even if they don’t see themselves as visionaries, they have a deep vision within their heart about the church. They want that church to survive and flourish. It’s the pastor’s job to tune in at a deep level to those dreams and draw them together so that the vision is not just their vision but representative of all their people.

I see two things in this that are exciting to me. As God has put the body together with eyes, ears, hands, feet, and legs, different members, and we’re not all the same, that vision that you were talking about becomes collective if you understand that each body part has something to contribute to what that vision is. It’s not the pastor being the Holy Spirit because there’s only one Holy Spirit. It’s seeing what the Holy Spirit is doing in each of those lives. As you say, leveraging that and helping each person take their next step in the church collectively, moving together. That’s a beautiful picture of it.

The Significance Of Passover And Easter: Bridging The Gap Between Jews And Christians

When I think about certain holidays, particularly Passover and Easter, there’s an enriched perspective that comes from understanding both of those holidays from both a Jewish and a Christian lens. How has your understanding been enriched about both Passover and Easter because of having both a Jewish and a Christian perspective?

What comes to mind is that Christians have not always understood how vulnerable Jews can feel during Passover. During the Middle Ages, blood libels, pogroms, and riots against Jews took place often during Passover because the story, which was not true, was that matzahs were made with the blood of Christian children. There’s a long history of suspicion and caution. It’s much less so today. There’s been great denouement. There’s been a long history of painful relations and the connection between Easter and Passover.

Holy Week was often a week in which, in the Middle Ages, pastors encouraged their parishioners to demonstrate their faith in Christ by harming their Jewish neighbors. It’s a terrible history. It’s not what’s happening now but it’s interesting because when you talked about those two together, it’s first there for me. We can’t forget. How do we move forward?

Many Christians have been so interested in Passover. I’ve done many Jewish-style Passovers for Christians because they want to know the history. It’s not like there are automatic bad vibes or bad feelings. They want to know the history and they’ve been as surprised as anybody else to discover some of that negative history. It’s helped them understand historically why Jews and Christians haven’t been super tight. That’s important training and education for all of us. I do think, generally, there’s been a great coming together of Jews and Christians, a deep appreciation for each other.

We’re in very hard times. Anti-Semitism has risen disproportionately around the globe, even before the war happened. It’s been very painful for people to understand how we bridge the gap. That remains an important conversation to understand our commonalities. As we talked about Blacks and Whites, Jews, Christians, and Muslims, how do we understand all of our commonality and not be divided and conquered, not be polarized by world events? How do we maintain our commonalities as human beings and practice intentional love and respect, even as we dialogue about difficult things?

For sure. There’s a real connection between the symbolism in the Passover and the picture of Jesus as Messiah. A lot of Christians like to see the Passover. They can see those connections because they understand the Christian side of it. Sometimes, people get trapped in what I’ll call an institutional view rather than a true Jesus view, who certainly would not have promoted the torture and torment of Jewish people, being Jewish himself.

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Rebekah Simon-Peter | Faith
Dream Like Jesus

He came to bring light and love and to bring us all under one umbrella instead of division. Many have lost sight of that and sometimes focus on the division part as opposed to the love and unity part that Jesus did bring in coming to earth for us. This brings me to another question. I’m thinking about the Apostle Paul, who was Jewish and always had a heart for his Jewish brethren no matter what city he went into.

He was supposed to be the apostle to the Gentiles but he always went to the synagogue first. He always wanted to talk to his Jewish brothers. It’s like, “If I could give an arm or a leg that my Jewish brethren would come to see Jesus as the Messiah, as I do,” that’s what he wanted to see. What is your heart for other Jewish people? What is your message for other Jewish people about Jesus?

My real heart about that is to see Jesus as a friend and not as a foe. Just as you say, institutional identities or histories get adopted versus biblical or historical understandings of events. It’s important to reclaim Jesus like so many have, as our Jewish brother, and separate the church and Christianity from Jesus. By that, I mean the Christian history about Jews separate that from Jesus himself. Understand that the things that have been done in Jesus’ name, that have been hurtful and harmful, were not Jesus doing that.

When we begin to tease those things apart, we can claim Jesus as our elder brother and as one of us. So much of Jesus is contained in Jewish history in the sense of His genius, faithfulness to God, chutzpah, love of the Torah, and being a Torah teacher. There’s so much Jewish about that. When we can tease apart the Christian institutional history of the church from Jesus himself, we can begin to get a truer picture of him. It’s easier to welcome his insights and perspective. Wonderful Jewish authors are writing about Jesus in ways that Jews can appreciate and that Christians can appreciate as well. There’s been a tremendous contribution made in this ongoing work. I feel very positive about the task of re-brothering Jesus.

It’s also important to recognize that not only did Jesus not do these negative things, He did not teach us to do those things either. That’s important because sometimes you can have a faith tradition where people are teaching that it should go this way. However, He never taught those negative things that we see occurring, supposedly, in His name. He’s probably up there in heaven like, “I never told you to do that. You’re off base.”

Addiction And Leadership: The Value Of Community And A Deep Spiritual Path

It’s important to make a distinction between who He is, what He’s about, and what He’s taught as well. Earlier, you talked about how your original foray into meeting some Christians had to do with a time in your life when you were going through addiction. I know you’ve wrestled with addiction in your life. Tell us about addiction and the impact your struggle with it had on your journey as a leader.

Addiction is primarily about isolation. When a person is addicted, whether it’s to food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, or pornography, it’s an isolating behavior. Even if it seems to take place around other people, like in restaurants, donut shops, or bars, it’s still isolation. The antidote to addiction is community. Many people are wrestling with addiction of various sorts. We live in a society that specializes in isolation. You do your thing, I’ll do my thing. It sounds good on the surface. I’m not saying we shouldn’t accept each other but there is a way in which our society is prone to addiction. What I’ve learned is the value of community.

My group coaching program, Creating a Culture of Renewal, teaches church leaders about leadership smarts and congregational intelligence and how to dream like Jesus but a big part of what we’re doing is providing a community for church leaders to share. It’s amazing how isolated church leaders feel. Even if they’re part of a denomination where they connect with other church leaders, there’s often a sense of competition and not letting down my guard because I might look bad. Church leaders often don’t know each other across denominations or regions.

I’ve come to understand that one of the values that our work provides for church leaders is community, where they can let down their hair, so to speak. They can dare to look bad or tell the truth to be authentic about what’s happening to them without being judged or reported. We’re not talking about illegal behavior but without somebody saying, “Gee, I don’t know if so and so is doing a great job.” There’s this safe space for them to grow.

That combats isolation, which both leads to addiction and is promulgated by addiction. I’ve learned the value of community. I’ve also learned the tremendous value of having a deep spiritual path that goes beyond going to church. I love church but I’ve got to be doing stuff between Sundays to be working on my spiritual path every morning, every day, having that deep, inner, authentic relationship with God. That’s key to overcoming addiction as well.

That’s an important point you’re making. You talked about community and making connections across regions and maybe even different faith groups. You’re starting to talk about the more personal, deep daily connection in terms of faith. Say more about that and how the addiction experience has informed your faith at those deeper levels.

I’ve learned to turn my will and my life over to the care of a power greater than myself. That means I don’t spend all my time in my head thinking and planning. I’ve got to check in with God. What I’ve learned is to trust the random thoughts that I get. I used to think, “Random thought? What’s that about? Go away.” I’ve come to understand that’s the deep, intuitive thought that God is placing on my heart. I’ve been trained through my recovery process to pause when agitated or doubtful, ask God for the next right thought or action, and allow my day to be shaped by promptings from the Holy Spirit in my heart.

It’s amazing how easy it is, even as clergy, to get one’s to-do list together, thank God very much, bye-bye, I’ve got this, and go about the work of ministry without checking in with God regularly and ensuring that I’m on the right path moment to moment. If that’s true for church leaders, how true is that for non-church leaders and business leaders?

The thing I’ve learned is God is always there, at the ready, waiting to prompt, comfort, guide, give a word, and even give that word of affirmation. All I have to do, all I need to do, all we need to do, is pause and tune in regularly. It doesn’t require special words, special clothing, special body postures, a special room in the house, or a special time of day. It doesn’t require any of that. It’s simply a tuning into what I call one’s inner divinity.

The Role Of Faith And Spirituality In Business: Bringing Wholeness To The Workplace

I love that. You mentioned business leaders. Let me go back there again. As you know, most of the audience of my show are executive business leaders. What role do you see for faith or spirituality in the world of business?

[bctt tweet=”Addiction is primarily about isolation.” via=”no”]

A business can’t cultivate somebody’s spiritual life but it can acknowledge it. Even if the words that are used are slightly different, we talk about mindfulness and well-being but we can also talk about spirituality in the workplace. When businesses, managers, or whatever, permit people to tap into or acknowledge they are spiritual people or have a spirituality, that creates a sense of wholeness in a person. They don’t have to leave maybe their best self at home or in the car before they come in. They can bring all of who they are and all of those qualities with them to work.

That’s hugely important. The spiritual but not religious have taught us that spirituality is key and it’s part of the community. It’s key in everything they do, especially true in business life. I’d say this is especially true with younger generations that expect mentoring at new levels and their whole being to be welcomed. We need to pay attention to that to be effective as we go forward.

Business leaders, like church leaders, also face challenges with difficult people who frustrate them the most. What advice and counsel do you have for Christian executives working in secular contexts about how to lead difficult people?

First off, I’ve learned to take away the sense that that person is difficult and more that we’re having a difficult time connecting. It’s easy to say, “It’s you. You’re the problem. If you would just blah, blah, blah, this would all go well.” What we’re discovering as we work with personality types, and I especially like the Everything DiSC model, that’s what I use in my work, is that some people are results-driven, others like to be influencers, and they’re very optimistic and happy, positive people. Some people are cautious and systematic.

If you can acquaint yourself with those different styles of being, and then practice what I call the Platinum Rule, frame your conversation in such a way that their needs, motivators, and skills are being addressed, rather than your particular need for results or accuracy. If their qualities can be lifted as important, they’ll begin to hear you in a new way. You’ll find that you have more of an ally than an adversary. That’s how quickly things can turn when you begin to preference their motivators and strengths. Not that you still don’t want your results but frame it in a way they can hear it. Those difficult people can transform and become some of your very best allies.

You’re mentioning two things here that are important. One of the concepts I call it is putting the issue, whatever it is, in the middle of the table. It’s not in you, it’s not in me, it’s right here in the middle of the table, and we’re going to partner together to figure out how to address it, which means that your needs have to be met and so do mine. That’s speaking the language, if you will, of the other person that you’ve been talking about.

That’s huge and I’m so glad you articulated that. The difficulty is not the person. Like you say, the problem’s connecting, and let’s look at that part. Let’s figure out what we can do about it. Since you’re doing your work of creating a culture of renewal with church leaders, what can business executives learn from that work about creating a culture of renewal?

Creating A Culture Of Renewal: Lessons For Business Leaders

Our work is threefold. First, we teach congregational intelligence, which is applying emotional intelligence to the life of the congregation, and seeing how stuck or small thinking is coded into the very life of the church, whether the worship service or the way ministries are done. Businesses can learn from that because businesses that are having a hard time growing or meeting the needs of their constituencies may have stuck coded in ways they haven’t even thought about. Always looking at things through the lens of emotional intelligence is very important, understanding the needs of your people.

Secondly, we teach leadership smarts. That’s everything from learning to understand what your fears are and how your fears may be holding you back. You may be leading from a place where you’re protecting your fear rather than leaning into the fear with courage. When we lead from a place of protecting our fears so they don’t get triggered, we’re missing very important opportunities. That’s true for the church and true for business as well. We teach productive conflict. It’s important to understand conflict is not going anywhere. There are ways to engage it productively.

That’s a level of emotional intelligence that’s required. You have to understand that the way I’m dealing with conflict may be exacerbating this. Even if it looks like, “I’m smoothing things over. I’m soothing people. That’s not a problem, is it?” Yes, that can very much be a problem because then you’re not getting down to the real issues. Lastly, we teach how to shift the culture and that’s the big, bold dream, getting people aligned with that vision and then executing the vision so that people aren’t left with dashed hopes or unfulfilled promises.

Lessons From The Bubonic Plague: Finding Innovation In Times Of Crisis

The cultural piece is essential and making sure the vision is infused in everything as well. Business leaders use that as well. In your book, Forging a New Path, you wrote about what the modern church can learn from the bubonic plague. What are some of those lessons for churches and then also apply that to business leaders?

They were asking the same questions back in the Middle Ages that we’re asking. “When do things go back to normal? How do we get people back to church? How do we do more with less?” One of the biggest issues and lessons is that they had less of a lot of things back then. Churches, too. Businesses certainly have had to deal with fewer employees. It was such an age of innovation at the same time because they had more of many things.

Yes, they had less of certain things but they had more of other things. It was that looking at what they had that allowed great innovation to happen. We wouldn’t have the printing press if it wasn’t for the bubonic plague. We got Zoom during the pandemic. They got books back then. Always look for the new technology that’s emerging. Look for unexpected resources. Back then, they had fewer family members. They had a whole lot of extra clothing. Guess what they did with all that extra clothing? Rag cloth and made book printing cheaper.

Literacy soared. Ideas could no longer be burned at the stake. The whole world changed because there was extra clothing and the idea of the printing press. Always look for innovation. I tell this to church leaders, “Make a list of everything you have less of and a list of everything you have more of. Focus on that list and watch where the innovation can come from.” Business has certainly shown us how innovation can happen even when times are very tight and squeezed. That’s when the best stuff comes forward. There’s much for us to learn from pandemics past.

[bctt tweet=”Innovation can happen even when times are very tight and squeezed. In fact, that’s when the best stuff comes forward.” via=”no”]

I love that. It reminds me of the Great Depression and how many people flourished during the Great Depression because they had to think of new ways of providing services and products to people that they needed at that time. It’s a very similar thought process that you’re bringing up. That’s phenomenal. Let me ask you this. Your name has a special meaning, especially your last name. Tell us about the meaning of your name and its significance for you.

The Significance Of My Name: A Journey Of Transformation And Faith

When I went to seminary, following my friend there, when I got the call to ministry, I felt like God whispered a new name to me, and it’s my name now, Rebekah Simon-Peter. Rebekah was a biblical figure who didn’t follow the order of the day. She followed God’s prompting instead, which I did. Simon was a Jew who followed Jesus. In the process, Jesus changed his name from Simon to Peter. Carrying that spiritual transformation within my name has felt very meaningful to me. It’s very biblical. When big things happen in the Bible, people usually get a new name.

New Book And Contact Information: Resources For Church And Business Leaders

I love the name that you have and that you’ve been given through your transformation. It has deep meaning. Thank you for sharing that with us as well. What’s next for you, Rebekah? Tell us about your upcoming new projects or new directions. What’s going on?

I’m working on a new book. This is my passion project. It’s going to be a 40-day journey of transformation. I’m passionate about Christians advancing from discipleship to apostleship, not only believing in Jesus but learning to believe like Jesus. If you can believe like Jesus, you can be a co-creator of miracles. It’s the coming together of many years of research, study, teaching, writing, and preaching in this book. It’ll be coming out in October 2025. I don’t have an official title yet but look for something along the lines of 40 Days of Transformation.

How exciting. You might have to come back and tell us about it once it’s ready to be released and come out. How can people reach you? Who should reach you about what? Tell us also about your latest book before your current book comes up.

Please reach me at my website, RebekahSimonPeter.com. There’s a place to sign up for my blogs, reach out to me, or get me a message directly. I look forward to hearing from you. I’m especially interested in working with church leaders and other leaders like faith-based leaders and nonprofit leaders who are interested in creating cultures of renewal in their setting. I also coach entrepreneurs because this has been an entrepreneurial, spiritual endeavor for me for many years. I love speaking to audiences to inspire them, inform them, and give them tools to take away so they can begin to put their big dreams into practice.

You mentioned my book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World. That’s available on Amazon, as are all my books. I love teaching the three S’s of post-pandemic community, which we can learn about being social, spiritual, and of service. Also, the three forms of spirituality the church needs and how that relates to business. Those are some of my passion ideas that I’m sharing with others and infusing into the world.

Closing Words Of Wisdom: Living Your Faith At Work And Letting Your Light Shine

Thanks for planting that seed for people to go and read that book and learn more about these three S’s post-pandemic and all the other wisdom you’ve built into the book. It sounds like people can call you for speaking engagements and your consulting work. That could be church leaders and also entrepreneurial leaders. That’s RebekahSimonPeter.com. That’s a great deal. Rebekah, you’ve shared many insights that are relevant for business executive leaders. What additional or closing words of wisdom would you like to leave for my community of executive business leaders?

Thank you so much for asking that. You have the power of God within you. God has placed you in the position you’re in right now for such a time as this. This is a time for innovation, caring about people, bringing unity, and lifting our highest values in a time when those are challenged regularly. I encourage you to live your faith at work. Let your light shine. It may sound trite and small but it is not. Be salt. Be light. Let your light shine. Take the courage that God is using you in very powerful ways.

Thank you so much, Rebekah, for being here and sharing those words of wisdom. They go with the word of the year, which is light. We’ve been talking about how light leads to love, and leads to life. Being the light at work is a good deal. Thank you so much for everything you’ve shared. I appreciate it.

Thank you, Dr. Karen. It’s been such a pleasure to be with you.

Likewise.

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We’ll close this segment together with Rebekah Simon-Peter by reading John 14: 12-14, which says, “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in me, the works that I do, he will also do, and greater works than these he will do, because I go to my Father. Whatever you ask in my name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.”

I want to remind everyone that Rebekah has been talking to us about miracles, being bold for Jesus, and stepping out for those things beyond our reach. That fits with Jesus’ notion of greater works because we have the power of the Holy Spirit within us, as God leads us to whatever those greater works may be. Sit at the feet of Jesus. Hear the message. Step out boldly in His power and do all He has called you to do. Have a fabulous day. We’ll see you next time.

[bctt tweet=”Not only believe in Jesus, but learn to believe like Jesus. Because if you can believe like Jesus, you can be a co-creator of Miracles.” via=”no”]

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I’m here with Jos Snoep, the CEO and President of the Bible League. The Bible League is a ministry that provides Bibles and English instructional materials in the Word of God, as well as trains teachers in their local language and culture to share the Word of God and disciple people. Jos, tell us a little bit about the impact of the Bible League. What’s going on out there?

I met a lady named Nimia. Nimia was born in 1949. She became a Christian in 2002. We were able to invite her to one of our trainings. At the end of the meeting, she stood up and shared her testimony. She said, “This is the first time I’ve received a Bible of my own. I’m equipped to share the Word of God with others.” I thought to myself, “That’s why we are the Bible League. That’s why God called us to be in ministry, to serve people like that and equip them with the right materials and the Word of God.”

Thank you so much, Jos, for sharing that story. I want to let everyone know that you can be part of this movement as well. You can go to BibleLeague.org to find out more about the ministry and also donate. There are many more stories like the one Jos shared about lives that are changed and impacted by God through Jesus Christ.

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I’m here to celebrate the work of the Bible League, which is a global ministry that provides Bibles, ministry study materials, and through activities like Project Philip, teaches and trains local people in how to share the Word of God. The President and CEO of Bible League, Jos Snoep, is here to share a little more about what the Bible League is doing.

The beauty of the local church is that it is the body of Christ. The Holy Spirit calls the local church to be engaged in the Great Commission. As Bible League, we come alongside local pastors. I met a pastor named Rolando in the Amazon. He has a great vision to reach 200 communities with the Word of God. We were able to come alongside him and help with Bibles and resources.

Thank you so much, Jos. We are all partners together. You, the Bible League, are the hands and feet of the local people on the ground. Some partners and donors can be hands and feet to you as you share with others. For those of you who want to be part of this ministry, and I invite you to be a part of it, I’m a part of it, go to BibleLeague.org. See more about the ministry and how you can participate and donate.

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I want to tell you a little about Spirit Wings Kids Foundation, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. The organization provides profound services for orphans, widows, and families across the globe, especially in Uganda. I’m speaking with Donna Johnson, the Founder of Spirit Wings Kids and a board member. Donna, tell us about some examples of the profound work you’re doing in Uganda.

Thank you, Dr. Karen. We were there and it was incredible. It’s more than an orphanage. We have a soccer academy that keeps the boys off the street. We have a Windows program that matches them with children. It’s a thriving network of entrepreneurs. It’s been such a meaningful blessing to see the work we’re doing there.

Donna, what I love about what you said is that you’re talking about their whole lives. You’re creating families between the widows and the children. You’re also making sure they have recreation and something to do with the soccer academy while looking at the job situation and the entrepreneurial aspect. As a businesswoman yourself who is very successful, you’re right in line with being able to make that difference. Thank you so much for the difference you’re making. I’m inviting everyone to go to SWKids.Foundation and donate. One hundred percent of everything you donate goes to those in need and those receiving services. Thank you so much for donating. Donna, thank you for this ministry.

 

Important Links

 

About Rebekah Simon-Peter

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Rebekah Simon-Peter | FaithRebekah Simon-Peter is a visionary leader, acclaimed author, and dynamic speaker dedicated to empowering individuals and faith communities to embrace their divine potential. The author of seven books, including Believe Like Jesus: Rising from Faith in Jesus to the Faith of Jesus; Forging a New Path; and Dream Like Jesus, Rebekah challenges and inspires others to move beyond discipleship into apostleship—boldly co-creating miracles with God.

Over the past eighteen years, Rebekah has transformed the lives of thousands of leaders through her award-winning group coaching program, Creating a Culture of Renewal®. As an ordained Elder in the Mountain Sky Conference of the United Methodist Church, she combines deep biblical insights with practical leadership strategies, helping individuals and organizations cultivate spiritual growth, resilience, and innovation. Rebekah holds a B.S. in Environmental Studies from the University of Vermont, and an M. Div. and M.A.R. from the Iliff School of Theology. She is a Certified Renewalist.

Known for her engaging storytelling and thought-provoking perspectives, Rebekah is a sought-after keynote speaker who delivers impactful, unforgettable experiences. She leads transformative workshops that equips leaders with the tools to navigate change with confidence and clarity.

A featured blogger for top faith-based outlets, Rebekah’s work resonates with those seeking deeper purpose, spiritual renewal, and meaningful action. Whether speaking to church leaders, faith communities, or individuals on a journey of self-discovery, she invites others to embrace their inner divinity and rise to new heights of leadership and faith.

March 11, 2024

Ame-Lia Tamburrini: Beyond Tolerance And DEI To Create A Culture Of Belonging [Episode 467]

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Ame-Lia Tamburrini | Culture Of Belonging

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Ame-Lia Tamburrini | Culture Of Belonging

 

Ame-Lia Tamburrini is the founder and CEO of HUM Consulting based in British Columbia, Canada. She moves organizations and communities beyond diversity, equity, and inclusion into cultures of belonging.

Her clients include non-profits, corporations, those in government and education sectors, and rural, remote, and Indigenous communities. Ame-Lia holds a Master of Science in Epidemiology and a BSc in Kinesiology, and she is a certified facilitator of restorative justice, circle dialogue, and trauma-informed practices.

Today she speaks with Dr. Karen about cultures of belonging, self-knowledge and understanding, vulnerability, the value of feminine leadership for all genders, and the lessons she learned from her cancer journey.

Reach Ame-Lia at her website or on LinkedIn or YouTube. E-mail Ame-Lia at Ame-Lia@humconsulting.ca

The post Ame-Lia Tamburrini: Beyond Tolerance and DEI to Create a Culture of Belonging [Episode 467] first appeared on TRANSLEADERSHIP, INC®.

Listen to the podcast here

 

Ame-Lia Tamburrini: Beyond Tolerance And DEI To Create A Culture Of Belonging [Episode 467]

Do you want to go beyond tolerance to create a culture of belonging from the inside out? What are the benefits of a culture of belonging? My special guest, Ame-Lia Tamburrini, talks about how to create a culture of belonging and why belonging is vital to a healthy workplace. Let me tell you a little bit about Ame-Lia. She is the founder and CEO of HUM Consulting based in British Columbia, Canada. As an inclusive leadership speaker, author, and master facilitator, she moves organizations and communities beyond diversity, equity, and inclusion into cultures of belonging from the inside out.

Her clients include nonprofits, corporations, and those in the government and education sectors. Her unique approach appeals to diverse sectors, especially traditionally male-dominated industries such as mining, engineering, education, and law and government institutions. For more than 20 years, Ame-Lia has also engaged with rural, remote, and Indigenous communities around the world in resource extraction, housing, public health, restorative justice, and education.

She holds a master of science in epidemiology and a bachelor of science in kinesiology and is a certified facilitator of restorative justice, circle dialogue, and trauma-informed practices. She brings all of herself to work and receives the highest ratings at conferences and leadership retreats with her approachable and engaging combination of humor, vulnerability, and intellect. Ame-Lia sees the light in everyone and ensures participants leave better equipped to shine their light. Ame-Lia, thank you so much for being with me on the show.

Thank you, Dr. Karen. It is a true honor to be here and a joy.

Understanding Belonging: Going From DEI To Belonging

Thank you so much. I am delighted. I’ve been looking forward to having this conversation with you as I think it’s very important and vital for the workplace. Ame-Lia, I’m just going to jump right in and ask you, first of all, to let us know what is belonging since that’s such a core part of what you do. What does it mean to go from diversity, equity, inclusion, and DEI, to belonging? Tell us about that.

When I think about diversity, equity, and inclusion, I immediately go into my head and I get busy thinking about definitions and how I’m going to do that right. When I say belonging, there’s something that settles into the body and it becomes a feeling sense. For me, fundamentally, that’s what belonging is. When you enter into your workplace, there is a feeling sense that you are valued just as you are, and that you have wisdom to share and contribute. You are connected to this community that can lift up and support you and help you to be your very best self while contributing to whatever the organizational goals happen to be.

I think it’s fabulous if people have an opportunity every day to contribute their gifts to the workplace in the way that you’re talking about. Wouldn’t that be wonderful in terms of the cultures that we all get to live in and also to create together? When you think about DEI, diversity, equity, and inclusion, does it feel more like a formula or as if you’re looking at just metrics that may be absent the heart? What’s the difference?

Diversity, equity, and inclusion for me feel like definitions. It feels like policies. It feels like exercises and checkbox approaches to getting things right. This whole getting things complicate the journey of diversity, equity, and inclusion, like creating those spaces where people can show up as themselves. It’s an old way of being, a way that’s been conditioned into many of us. Getting things right triggers that survival mechanism.

All of a sudden, we’re not relating to people as humans with all the messiness that is there, but we’re trying to be good. We’re trying to look good. That can shut down a conversation in a hurry. This is why I like framing this conversation in terms of belonging because it really talks about what this is at the core, which is love and joy and heart space versus something that you have to figure out intellectually or govern with a policy.

Thank you for saying more about that. I think that really gets to the heart of the difference as well. Share a little bit, Ame-Lia about what does it mean to do this work from the inside out, because I know that’s a core concept for you as well.

Again, I don’t want to sound repetitive, but it is coming back into that heart space and recognizing that it’s not so much about what we do with each other, but it’s how we be with one another. How we be is very much governed by a lot of programming, a lot of things that we’ve heard about how we should and shouldn’t be in the world, and things that we’ve learned about other cultures or other people that we bring forward, mostly unconsciously.

[bctt tweet=”It is not so much about what we do with each other but how we are with one another.” via=”no”]

If we’re not aware of the stories that we’re telling ourselves, how we’ve been programmed, the conditioning that is in our bodies, and how that governs what we put back out into the world, then we’re not going to get very far. It’s going to be very surface-level. We’re going to find ourselves back saying things that we regret or not saying anything at all because we’re too scared because we want to get things right. When we can really get intimate with how we are as humans and see the commonalities in that, it becomes less scary. It becomes a very different conversation.

I think what I’m hearing you say is that we have to be willing to look in the mirror a little bit and do some self-examination. Even as we’re doing work in this space, it starts with us, as I would frame it, the instrument of our own leadership, because I know in my book, lead yourself first. That’s the whole point. If you’re really going to be effective in leadership and creating belonging, you do have to start with you. I really appreciate the fact that that’s a lot of what you do too, when you’re talking about it from the inside out.

I learned that through my own journey. I think all the work I do today is really taking the lessons that I’ve learned to live a life that has more joy, more fulfillment, and causes less harm, and just re-teaching people those gifts that I’ve been given over the years in interesting, fun, and sometimes really painful ways. I’ve learned the lesson and I believe that we come here to teach what we learn.

Restorative Justice: A Key Concept In Today’s World

Certainly to share with each other and then we can learn from each other because we will probably have some different experiences and different lessons along the way. Each one of us has to experience the exact same thing because if we’re in a community we benefit from all of our experiences. I really love that as well. Ame-Lia, you refer to some of your work as restorative justice. What is restorative justice and how is that important in our world today?

Restorative justice is an alternative to the criminal justice system. For me, I work with an organization called Restorative Justice Victoria as a volunteer facilitator, and we have cases referred to us from the police or here it’s called The Crown. Instead of having people go through the criminal justice system, they come to us and have very compassionate heart-centered dialogues about taking responsibility for harms that are caused.

If somebody does spray painting or maybe it’s an abuse of some kind or a fight that happens, those folks will come to us and the responsible parties. We don’t call them offenders or criminals. We’ll work with them. First of all to have us understand what was going on for them that day, and learn more about their life history so we can get clear on why potentially they showed up in the way they did in that moment. We have similar conversations with the affected parties. Again, we don’t call them victims because we want folks to be empowered in their lives.

Eventually, through these dialogues, we bring those people together to have conversations about what happened that day in that moment. We have people take responsibility for the harm that they caused. The affected party gets to ask for what they need. What would feel meaningful for them to repair that harm? It’s a beautiful approach. What I love about it is the transformation that occurs in both people. The affected party feels less fear at the end of the day because they’ve been able to connect to the humanity of the responsible party.

That responsible party heals in some way by being able to know themselves better, not feel so bad about what they did because they understand where it came from and they get to make that apology, which so many want to do. I think it’s important for today because it is that compassionate approach. It’s very easy for us to put up walls when harm has been caused and point fingers and blame but when we can see ourselves in each other, we stop perpetuating the same cycles.

[bctt tweet=”It is easy to put up walls when harm has been caused. But when we can see ourselves in each other, we stop perpetuating the same cycles.” via=”no”]

What a beautiful description and example. It makes me think about healing more than punishment and understanding on some level and certainly making reparations of one sort or another, but from a deep place of knowing each other rather than you never see the person except for maybe in a courtroom where you’re not really speaking to them or whatever. “Yes, you must pay this fine or you must do this thing, but it’s very impersonal.” I guess that is what I would say about the criminal justice system. When you are doing restorative justice work, some of these outcomes, what have they been in comparison to what happens in the criminal justice system? Why do people still send individuals to you for this approach? They must be working in some way.

It’s definitely working. I don’t think I can comment on what’s happening in the criminal justice system, but I can say that with everybody that I work with, there is a huge transformation and we have these people that are causing harm in some way or another. They have 99.9% of the time never experienced true love in their life.

Somebody really has them, holding them, ensuring that they feel seen and heard and respected. There’s also generally some trauma in the background. They’re either ongoing or in their past. That healing that you talk about is really important. I think that’s what we create, that environment for them to do that healing. We also create a space for them to be seen and heard and not thrown to the curb, which is what happens in our criminal justice system.

We said, “You’ve committed a crime and then we lock you behind bars and remove you from society and your support and your social structures.” Those people end up becoming leaders in their community. They go back into whatever the crowds they were hanging out with and start to make different decisions and start to talk about what they learned in this journey. They become agents of change, which I think is fabulous. I don’t know, I cannot comment if that’s happening in the criminal justice system or not.

It’s a beautiful story, what you’re talking about in terms of restorative justice. It makes me think about this notion of how God is love. As people experience love, they’re experiencing more of God. As they are loved, they have more capacity to go out and love other people. It’s just a beautiful cycle that I see that you’re creating in your work. Thank you for doing this very profound work that I know is transforming lives from what you’re describing.

Building Trust With Indigenous Communities

Ame-Lia, I also know that you transform lives in the Indigenous communities, First Nations people and very often, at least in the United States, I don’t know if it’s the same in Canada, but I would assume it might be the same. Very often, Indigenous people don’t want outsiders coming in and showing them anything. There’s something about how you work that really resonates with them. Tell us a little bit about the work you’re doing with the Indigenous communities and why the connection actually works.

I’ve spent quite a number of years working alongside Indigenous communities, and that was through different work I was doing where it was centered in resource development, a lot of oil and gas, and mining. I got to travel throughout North America and overseas as well and work with Indigenous communities of the lands there. Firstly, I’ll say that I’ve actually learned from them and have changed my own worldview because of those experiences. Through that journey, I learned about different definitions of health. My background is in health, kinesiology, and epidemiology.

They taught me to expand what I was learning in university to consider environmental and social factors and spiritual factors and emotional factors. Instead of just like, “I have an injury or an illness and that means I’m not well.” They have this beautiful definition and concept of well-being. I’ve learned from them. I also saw how the trauma they experienced through colonization played out in their communities through addictions and domestic violence and a lot of things like that, which are still very prevalent today.

When I work with indigenous communities today, I’m not going in to help them. I’m going there to stand beside them in conversations, generally with non-Indigenous organizations that want to work alongside them. I think what works in my approach is that I come in and I’m curious. I simply listen. That has supported me a lot to better understand their worldview and also to gain trust.

The Indigenous communities have an oral way of being. They tell oral history and that can take some time. Often, non-Indigenous communities want to cut it off and get to the business and get to the agenda but that interferes with the relationship building. That’s also what Indigenous cultures are centered on relationality versus being transactional, which we tend to do in our more Western way of being.

I think listening, curiosity, and going in with that beginner’s mindset that I know nothing. I just want to learn in this setting. Those three things, they’re what I tell my clients as well. If you’re going to be working, engaging with Indigenous communities, to park your wisdom. It doesn’t mean you’re not smart. It doesn’t mean you don’t have knowledge. There’s an openness to potentially the Indigenous wisdom has something to teach us, especially in this moment.

The Circle Method: Fostering Connections In Communities

I think this is really captured that what you said about standing beside people. When you’re side by side, you can really share and exchange and learn from each other. One is not above or below your shoulder to shoulder, you’re next to each other. I think that’s a beautiful way of thinking about mutual learning and growth and development and being curious, as you said, having that beginner’s mind. That makes perfect sense. You also have as a primary intervention process something you call the circle method. What is that? What is the circle method and how do you use it to create more connections?

In its most basic form to describe it so people can get a visual. I envision it as people sitting around a fire, which is the root of all of our ancestry. It doesn’t matter where you come from, what color your skin is, or what religion you are. Hundreds of thousands of years ago, they started to gather fire and people gathered around that fire. In that moment, language was developed, safety was created, they shared food, community was created, and it really is the core of our roots.

We sit in chairs, there are no tables, we generally have something in the middle that is meaningful, and we pass a talking piece from one person to another person to another person. What this does, is this way of being, and it can be used in so many different settings, it allows, first of all, everybody to show up as a knowledge keeper. When you have that talking piece, everybody’s listening, there’s no back and forth or interrupting or advice-giving or anything like that. That person is just sharing their wisdom, and then the next person talks and it goes around like that.

It also establishes that everybody in that space is a leader because you’re taking collective responsibility for what happens, and what gets created in that circle. The third thing that happens in that circle setting is a realization that we are interconnected with each other because I know you know this, as you’re listening to stories, you can learn about yourself through somebody else’s story. You can also feel less alone because you’re like, “Me too. I’ve also had that experience.” That sense of community gets strengthened in terms of what it is. It’s really that very intentional way of being together where one person is sharing at a time.

How Italian Heritage Influences Personal And Professional Life

I love that. Ame-Lia, we’ve been talking about culture, we’ve been talking about backgrounds and sharing and so on and so forth. I know that you have a background as an Italian. Tell us a little bit about how your own heritage and culture shows up in your life and in your work and talk about maybe the values or the experiences that you bring from the Italian culture and how you live every day.

I love it. If you interviewed me a few months from now, I would have a very different answer because I’m actually going to Italy for two months to learn more about my own heritage. My father did, he immigrated from Italy when he was eighteen but my parents divorced when I was pretty young. I mostly grew up with my mom, but I have this Italian like very passionate about the fact that I am Italian.

My father too, being an immigrant, and there was a generation there that thought it wasn’t okay for us to learn Italian. English was the root to success. We didn’t learn Italian growing up, my brother and I. I’m on this journey of learning Italian. I think learning a language is a beautiful way to understand culture on a different level. You can so clearly see the worldview in the words people use.

[bctt tweet=”Learning a language is a beautiful way to understand culture on a different level. You can clearly see the worldview in the words people use.” via=”no”]

Today, my journey into getting to know my roots really stems from my work with the Indigenous community. When I speak with them, they always tell me, you need to get to know your lineage. You need to get to know your heritage. When Indigenous people introduce themselves in a meeting, they talk about their parents and their grandparents and the lands that they came from. My “lands” are overseas.

I’ve never really been on them. That’s what this journey is for me. I’m starting to incorporate Italian into some of the presentations or speeches that I give strengthening my holiday traditions like Christmas. I now cook a sausage and lentil dish. There’s something about it that feels amazing. I cannot explain it, but it does feel like I’m connecting to something that is in me. When I get back from Italy in a couple of months, I have this strong sense that it’s going to much more influence my day-to-day life and how I do my work in the world.

I think that our own culture and history, it’s part of the strengths that we come into the world with. The more we can understand those strengths and tap into the wisdom, if you will, of our cultural heritage is we show up in more powerful ways and we have more to share. As you very well know, Ame-Lia, you’ve seen me in many settings. I often am expressing some aspects of my cultural heritage and what I might be wearing. African American and also Cherokee on both sides of my family.

There’s always some hint of something African, maybe a hint of something Native American at the same time. It doesn’t necessarily have to be Cherokee. Most of my stuff is actually Navajo because I really love their beadwork and yet it speaks to me as well. I think that when you come back from Italy, it’s going to almost feel as though there’s been a pouring in. I would love to talk to you when you get back to see what that pouring in was all about. It’s just going deeper and who you are.

I love that about you. Like just the expression in how you be, but your look and the clothes and everything. Even planning my trip for Italy, I find I’m dressing differently. All of a sudden, I’ve gotten more of an artistic flair. I don’t know what’s happening. When I work with diversity, equity, and inclusion, the non-White population is often saying like, “That’s part of the White problem is that we’re not connected to our culture.” When we’re not connected to our culture, there’s no root, there’s no stability, like you were saying.

We’re very wobbly and we need to find safety by controlling others. When we are fully rooted in who we are, we know ourselves deeply and have the wisdom of our ancestors with us at all times, we will show up very differently in the world. I think that’s a call to action. I think for the listener is getting to know your roots, and our ancestry, connecting in whatever way you can is so important if you are truly committed to creating a world that is not more diverse, but is more accepting of diversity and feels inclusive and has that energy of belonging.

Feminine Leadership: Empowering All Genders In The Workplace

I hope people are listening to that call to action. We all can go a little bit deeper into our own roots and our own foundation and create stability today. Also, think about creating more to share across the different aisles. There’s more that often connects us if we take the time to look and find it and talk about it. It’s always surprising like you were saying earlier, many different cultures were around the campfire, so to speak. That’s a shared experience across many different cultural and ethnic backgrounds and groups. Ame-Lia, you also are passionate about bringing feminine leadership to the corporate business environment. What is feminine leadership and how does it benefit everyone no matter what their gender is?

I’m part of this organization, a co-chair of Female Wave and Change Canada. It’s part of a global organization called Female Wave of Change. This organization really supports women, and people from all walks of life and wants to help them grow, and develop their leadership qualities. Doesn’t matter if they’re a “leader,” in an organization or of their own business, or in their families or their communities. Personally, I think we are all leaders. We just need to claim that for ourselves. That shifts how we show up in the world.

The principles that the female wave of change focuses on and that I think are considered “feminine” are compassion and creativity, collaboration and inclusiveness, emotional intelligence, intuition, and authenticity. I think what has been happening are the world that most of us have grown up in, is those values haven’t been at the forefront or they’ve been expressed less than or valued less than other qualities that were more controlling and more logical and less abstract, I think, that are generally associated with the masculine. What we’re doing is really trying to balance things out.

We don’t want to go above, but just equal the playing ground, so to speak, so that natural way of being that like we’ve always meant to have this balance, but because of the way things have transpired, that balance hasn’t been there. Einstein has a great quote, “You cannot solve the world’s problems with the same consciousness or thinking that created them.” I think that’s what this organization is getting at. It’s like, we cannot come at the world’s problems that exist today in the same way we have. We need something different. This is potentially one solution.

In a way, if we think about the challenges in today’s world, if we only bring half of our resources, it’s really not enough to really understand what’s going on and to be able to move the needle, so to speak, on whatever is happening there. The feminine way of leadership has been absent in some places, and I think sometimes we may move more quickly even to wars and fighting as opposed to sitting down and communicating and collaborating.

Maybe that could be more of a first choice in some cases, and we could avoid some of the other outcomes. When I think about the beginning and God creating the heavens and the earth, when he created Adam and Eve, he says he created man and he referred to them as male and female under that term man. It’s like man and woman, and the whole point being. They’re together. You cannot separate them in that sense. That’s what I hear when you’re talking about this.

I love that perspective. I was thinking about COVID and some of the leadership that came up through that time period. Certainly the New Zealand Prime Minister and our medical health officer here in British Columbia, she was a woman as well. What she demonstrated during that time was an immense amount of vulnerability. There were moments when she stood in front of the camera and cried because she was overwhelmed and just up at all hours of the night.

She allowed herself to bring that forward. Some people criticized her, but mostly what she did was brought people together. I think when we take that divide and conquer mentality, the fighting and going to war, I have this sense people are less and less okay with that anymore. We need something different. The feminine has something to offer in that space.

It’s interesting you bring up the pandemic because we did a podcast about Jacinda Ardern and her leadership during that time in New Zealand. One of the things that struck me about it is how much she communicated and shared with people about what was going on and what they needed to know. Often because people don’t understand and they’re in the dark, they make choices that are not in their best interest. Just being able to share with people relevant information and to give explanations and offer options and alternatives was a very powerful way to lead. She’s still in my mind because of that.

That’s amazing. Actually, this was a man. I gave a talk at a government ministry here at the provincial level. That’s equivalent of the state level. It was the assistant deputy minister of this ministry who had asked me anything for this branch that is under his umbrella. I used to work for the government. I was really curious to listen. He came on right before I was speaking, but Dr. Karen, he was so vulnerable and honest.

He wasn’t hiding anything. He just felt like it was a fireside chat with your best friend, but giving real-life advice from somebody who has clearly done that himself. I do see this shift because I don’t want to be male and female necessarily. I think men are learning new ways of being as well because everybody suffers when we’re not connected to all the parts of us. It’s nice that we’re creating an environment, speaking about belonging, where men too can tap into more of their feminine qualities and become more whole versus having to be this one-sided way of being.

I love that because this really highlights how it’s relevant for both genders, because both genders can embrace some of what we call feminine leadership, and both genders can embrace what we call male leadership and you bring out whatever needs to happen in that moment to benefit the community. I think that’s a great call to action for both genders really to think about under that term a rubric of man which is all-inclusive and when we think about God is also inclusive of the male and female qualities because he’s made us in his image.

Bringing Your Full Self To Work

That’s a good thing to keep in mind that even in God, there’s a both-and rather than an either-or in that sense. You mentioned and talked about how important it is for leaders to bring all of themselves to work. In your own case, what challenges have you experienced in bringing all of yourself to work and how have you overcome those challenges?

That’s a great question. I think I’m bringing more of myself than ever before, more of all of me than ever before. What that has required of me is getting to know myself more and being able to face the qualities that are generally deemed as unpleasant in our society or simply in how I was brought up. Things like being judgmental or being selfish, lazy even. For most of my life, I just wanted to keep hidden from people. I’m learning to really see those and embrace them as part of who I am and see the gifts that those bring to me at various times.

Every way of being has a virtue and every way of being then has more of a shadow or a dark side to it. In learning more about myself and embracing all the parts of me, I feel like I’m more easily able to just show up as I am and just name in the moment being like, “I feel like I was just being judgmental there.” I can start again. When we keep trying to hide that we have these parts of us, then we just create barriers and then we have a greater tendency to project them back out into the world. This comes up for me a lot in Circle because as a Circle host/facilitator, some people think that I need to be a certain way.

The people that pay me to support them in that work, that I need to be strong and not have weaknesses or qualities like that and not express emotion like tears. That’s the way that I’m really challenging myself to be myself in that moment. It’s hard for me to have a circle when there’s not but there is not a moment where I tear up because I am so connected to people’s stories. I’m also learning about myself in those moments. I am a human being, so people will say something and I’ll notice a part of me that feels judgmental, that wants to separate myself from that person.

I don’t always articulate it out loud in terms of what’s going on for me, but I will do my work in that moment to check in, to come back into the present moment, and to reestablish that connection. Some people will judge me for being that vulnerable in those spaces, but most people are being able to see it that is also their conditioning that needs me to be a certain way for them to be okay. I think when we can really get there when we don’t need other people to be a certain way for us to be okay because we’ve embraced all of our own uglier parts. That’s the world that I’m working toward creating in my spaces.

I think it’s pretty profound that you are modeling what it’s like to be honest and to be authentic and to recognize first in yourself, that you’re not perfect and nobody else in the circle is perfect either. It gives them permission to be okay sharing a word or two here and there. If something shows up that they weren’t expecting to figure out a way to include it in the learning at that moment, rather than because I have warts and moles and whatever, I better just shut up and hide and not engage today. I think that’s important that people know that it’s safe enough that they can come to the circle and share who they are, good, bad and ugly, or whatever at times. That’s great modeling. Do it that way. People know it’s okay.

That’s part of it. I love, I don’t know if you just said naming it, but that’s one of the techniques I use is when I come into a circle and we’re going to be talking about the hard stuff and people’s stuff is going to come out and there’ll be anger and there’ll be frustration and there’ll be tears. I name all of it right in the beginning to say, “Here’s what you might notice about yourself as we go through this.” What that does is in that moment, it actually has people relax and say, “Okay.”

When they notice it come up in them, they don’t feel the shame or the guilt around it. They are clear that this is just a normal part of being human and a part of this change process that we’re in. It’s a great way and I recommend that for all leaders as well to the more that you can simply name things, and bring them to the surface, the easier it’s going to be to have any difficult conversation in your organization. Do you find that as well? I know you work with leaders a lot.

Yes, absolutely, I find that’s true. The process that you’re talking about in psychology, we have a term that relates to it. We call it normalizing. You do talk about it upfront. People aren’t surprised and shocked. They know what to expect. When those things happen, they aren’t thinking, “Something’s drastically wrong or we’re off base or this isn’t supposed to happen.”

Cancer Thriver: Overcoming Adversity And Embracing Growth

Normalizing, talking about upfront, giving people permission, giving them a roadmap, a little bit about what they might encounter along the way in this conversation and the leadership journey.” Yeah, I resonate with everything that you’re saying about this. Absolutely. Now I know that life is not usually a straight-line function for most people and we do experience challenges that are also our growth opportunities. You refer to yourself as a cancer thriver. What did you experience? What was it that you overcame? What did you learn through your cancer experience?

Thank you for that. I was diagnosed with cancer five years ago and I had just quit my job at the provincial government and was launching into my business that I have now. I’m consulting. It was one month after that I received this diagnosis. I was in a tremendous amount of uncertainty at that moment in terms of will I live or not. Will this business succeed or not? What is my future? I have no idea. Gratefully, Hodgkin’s lymphoma, it’s very treatable. I did endure six months of chemotherapy, which was a really scary and very vulnerable time for me.

At that moment, I got to learn a whole bunch more about myself, both during the event. I think during this, I realized how resistant I was to receiving any support whatsoever. I lived by myself. My family was all out East. I had to make the, I didn’t have to, but I chose to make the decision to rely more heavily on my friends and receive their love and support. What I realized in that journey was that so many of them were grateful, first of all, because people want to help, but they generally don’t know how to help when such a diagnosis happens.

Opening my door to food and other kinds of support felt good for them. They also said, “You’re so much more relatable in this vulnerable state of receiving because otherwise we just thought you had all your stuff together. That you are untouchable.” It actually helped me deepen my relationships with my friends, which felt very vulnerable to me. I was very conditioned to keep a safety net around me. Speaking about vulnerability and having your shadows out in the daylight, they got to see me at some of my worst moments.

That was connecting fundamentally at the end of the day. When you’re going to a cancer journey, it really is a chapter of survival. You’re going from one treatment to the next and saying, “How you’re just managing all the symptoms and the side effects that come up from both the chemotherapy, but then also the drugs you’re taking to manage the side effects of the chemotherapy.” It’s a very complex combination of medication that you’re managing. That was survival mode. When I came out of those six months, it really did feel like I had been hit by a tsunami and was standing there in the rubble wondering, what is this life?

Who am I and how do I rebuild this? I don’t even know what I want anymore. There were a lot of questions in that stage and that actually felt more vulnerable to me. It opened the door to have me heal more of my own trauma, to really look back at my childhood and say, “Okay. There was pain there and that still does impact me. It had me heal the trauma of going through the cancer experience and so much more.” That opened up a window to the work I do today, which is very much trauma-informed and seeing division through that trauma lens of what is this division really?

For me, it’s all unhealed trauma. Fundamentally, the cancer journey gave me the gift of being able to do the work that I do today. It more deeply connected me to what was fundamental in life, which was love and joy. It’s the signature of my business. I have a hummingbird, which for me represents love and joy. When I was first diagnosed, I had this spiritual book that tells you the spiritual diagnosis of your physiological issue.

It said in this book, “This person has forgotten the purpose of life, which is love and joy.” I made the cancer journey, the journey of love and joy. That’s what I bring now into my day is that thriving concept that life isn’t about surviving. Many of us are stuck in that mode, the busyness of life. For me, it’s about where can I find the moment of joy in this moment, in the next moment. Even if there’s suffering and pain, there’s joy fundamentally underneath that.

[bctt tweet=”Life is not about surviving. Many of us are stuck in the busyness of life. It is about where we can find the moment of joy in the next moment.” via=”no”]

That is a profound journey to a deeper sense and understanding of purpose, and meaning in life, and a more profound healing, not just of the cancer, healing of traumas from the past and other places that needed to be healed where you might not have shined the light in those corners maybe in the past. Also just that mutual experience of learning to give and receive. Recognizing that those who give to you are also benefiting in that moment as well. Sometimes we forget that for them to give is a joy as well.

The Story Behind The Name Of HUM Consulting

You learned a lot through this process and you’re bringing a deeper sense of living life to your clients because of those experiences. You know what it’s like to thrive, even through the challenges, and still see joy in the challenges. People need to know that because sometimes they think the joy is all gone when in fact it isn’t. That’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. You mentioned your company and the hummingbird being the picture of it and your company is called Hum Consulting. Tell us about the meaning of that name because it is relevant and how you came up with it.

It was a conversation with a woman. We were just bouncing ideas off. That’s how it came. It’s one of those words or acronyms. First of all, I didn’t ever want an acronym, but it ended up being one. It’s a word that I find more and more meaning in every single day. The deeper I get into my work, the choosing of that name makes more sense. I know it was a divine gift for me because of that. The acronym ended up being Harmony, Unity, and Momentum.

For me, Harmony is remembering that we are nature, nature is us, and there’s a beautiful harmonic balance that happens with diversity because nature is an ecosystem. We are ecosystems that require diversity to thrive. We also require knowing our purpose and our specific gifts that we are meant to give to the world and creating spaces for that to happen for everybody and that’s harmony. When we can work in that way together, there is this unity that comes when we’re sharing stories with one another, like sitting around the circle where you get to see the other in yourself.

You said earlier that we have more commonalities than we do differences. Creating those spaces for that unity to be known. The momentum piece, which is trauma it’s like stuck energy. It’s energy that needs to be moved. For me, the momentum is twofold. It’s how do we heal that trauma to get that energy flowing again in our more natural state? Also, how do you get just unstuck in your organizations that are often in this place of not moving forward because they’re not able to have the conversations that are needed to shift the dynamic and the culture?

Challenges Facing Corporations Today

That’s actually a great segue because I wanted to ask you a little bit about what you see as some of the biggest challenges that corporations and businesses are facing today, such that the work that you do would be really helpful to them. How would you name those challenges? What’s going on?

The biggest challenge I see is that all of the structures and systems that are in place today were created a long time ago. They’re these immobile hierarchies in organizations. I use the organizational chart as an example when I give my presentations because you have a visual of the organizational chart. That’s the structure that most organizations are working in where only some people are leaders, only some people are knowledge keepers, and there’s a separation between us all. It’s a beautiful visual because it’s something that is day-to-day in all organizations.

We don’t even think about it, but in some ways, it perpetuates a very divisive, segregated way of being in the world that doesn’t allow space for all of us to be leaders and for all of us to be knowledge keepers, to utilize that interconnectedness that we have. That is the challenge that I see and that I keep hearing is like, change is hard because we just have these systems in place that are ancient and archaic and holding us back.

My response to that is systems are made up of people. If you do the inner work and really get underneath at what is creating those systems and holding them in place by doing your own healing work, the systems will change. They’ll actually change way quicker than I think you can possibly imagine in this moment. We just need to have the courage to say yes to doing that inner work that is so essential.

I am finding that people are wanting that more and more. People are done with checkboxes, and one-off approaches to diversity, equity, and inclusion. They want to see true transformation and people also want to come to work and feel joy and feel like they’re meaningfully contributing to the organization. To do that, you have to start unpacking yourself so that the structure can start to reform.

I think the concept that you’re talking about, and you said it earlier about leadership, not just being resident in one person. We all are leaders and we share the leadership role. We pass the baton, just like you pass the talking stick in the circle. Sometimes this person is leading and then they may step back and somebody else leads for a while and it’s a whole community. I mean, I think about the flock of birds. You’ve got the lead bird out there flying, but that lead bird is not always the same bird.

I mean, the bird goes back to back and rests a little bit and another bird comes up and flies at the front of the formation where you’re getting a lot of wind draft in that front space, but that’s not a place you stay in 24/7 or you’ll die and burn yourself out. I think it is important to think about how leading in the community leverages the gifts of all members of the community. It’s powerful to think that in organizations, structures may prevent the very kinds of conversations and thinking, and perspectives that are needed for this moment in time.

It just takes a visionary, somebody who can see just beyond what is currently there, what feels very real. I think really takes more of a spiritual approach to leadership to understand that when we look at this from a human perspective, it’s maybe seem like it’ll never change. We have so many powers with us that we can tap into to support us on this journey.

We’ve been given a lot of gifts along the way. Ame-Lia, how can people reach you? How can they learn more about you? Maybe they would like to engage you to help create a culture of belonging or have you be a keynote speaker at an event. Let’s talk about that.

My website is HUMConsulting.ca. That’s a great way to just have a view about what I’m up to in the world. Connecting with me, you can email me at my first name and I know you’ll put that in the show notes because the spelling is odd, Ame-Lia@HUMConsulting.ca as well. I’m on LinkedIn or YouTube. You can find me on both of those channels where you can get to learn more about me. My podcasts are up there as well that you can listen to those if you want to just understand more about how I work. I would love to connect and just have a conversation. I’m very much relational, so nothing is a commitment, but I want to hear what’s going on for you.

Yes, and I can attest to the fact that you are very relational. They will enjoy that conversation with you when they do connect. Your name again is Ame-Lia@HUMConsulting.ca, correct?

Correct.

Words Of Wisdom For Corporate Executive Leaders

Now they have it more than once. Amy, as we’re winding up now, you’ve shared a lot of words of wisdom so far. What additional words of wisdom would you like to share with my community of corporate executive leaders?

I think it comes back to what we were touching in on near the end about love and joy. When I do this work with organizations, that’s always what I tie it back to, that absolutely we have to do better for populations that are disenfranchised, left on the fringes, being left out. Yes. This is fundamentally for all of us to reclaim our wholeness. In that wholeness is enjoyment, is creativity, it’s contentment and love, and connection, which are all core human needs. Finding whatever that motivation is for you to do the inner work, to look at the shadows, and claim them for yourself because it sounds in opposition.

Going into the darkness is actually where you find joy in this life. We need that energy to go out into the world. We don’t want to get trapped in the stewing on all the bad things that are going on. The more bad things we see, that is just a call for more love and joy and for you to go and do more of your work to get to know yourself so that you can express that higher vibrational energy into the world, which we all need so much right now.

[bctt tweet=”Going into the darkness is where you find joy in life.” via=”no”]

That’s wonderful, Ame-Lia. What it makes me think about is it’s really easy to see the sunshine when it’s high noon and the sun is shining really brightly, and yet we need the sun at all times. To be able to see the sun in the dark and to bring out the light in the dark, that’s what the world needs is people who are committed to that. Thank you for being committed to shining the light in the dark and showing others how to get there too.

Thank you, Dr. Karen.

Thank you for being here, Ame-Lia. I really appreciate everything that you shared and I know people will benefit from it. We will close today with Bible verses, a couple of them that come from James, the first chapter, and it’s verses 19 and 20. “My beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” As you heard from my special guest, Ame-Lia, you heard from her that what produces results is listening, hearing, deeply understanding people, and showing love. Showing love, connection, and belonging. Have a blessed day as you live and walk into all those spaces.

Victorious Family’s Goal: Reaching 9.2M Families By 2030

This is Dr. Karen. I’m here with Terence Chatmon, who is the president and CEO of Victorious Family and also the author of Do Your Children Believe? Victorious Family has a goal of reaching 9.2 million families by 2030. Terence, tell us how far along are you on that goal?

We’re very excited. Last year, for example, we reached 133,800 families and prior to that. We’re right on around the 400,000 family mark towards our 9.2 million goal in the second year, really in a year and a half. We’re extremely excited.

That is very, very exciting news. I know that it’s many new initiatives that help you to reach even more families. Tell us what’s new in the ministry.

What’s exciting in December 7th of 2023, we had a national newspaper cover of Victoria’s Family and it went throughout the country. That has exposed us to over 30 million families in the U.S. From that, we’ve got a great deal of responses. One of those responses is a new partnership that we’re forming with Hampton University to come alongside of them and work in eight counties in the Hampton Roads area. We’re really excited about that. Millions of families will be exposed to what does it looks like to have family transformation taking place in their homes.

That’s phenomenal. How can people reach you and how can they reach your weekly resource that you have as well?

They can reach us at VictoriousFamily.org. Our resources are there and we’re excited because we have a brand new resource that just came out. It’s our Weekly Rhythms Guide. It really gives the parent and individual a day-to-day rhythm and how they might walk in Christ. We really would encourage that they get a copy of our Weekly Rhythms Guide for parents and individuals.

Thank you so much, Terence. I’m so glad that you’re here with me. To you out there in the audience, please go to VictoriousFamily.org, donate to the ministry, get the Weekly Rhythms Guide, and see what else is new in the ministry. See you next time.

The Bible League: Spreading The Word Of God Globally

It’s Dr. Karen here, and I’m here to celebrate the work of the Bible League, which is a global ministry that provides Bibles, ministry study materials, and through activities like Project Philip also teaches and trains local people in how to share the Word of God. The president and CEO of the Bible League, Jos Snoep is with me to share a little bit more about what the Bible League is doing.

The beauty of the local church is that it is the body of Christ and it is the Holy Spirit that is calling the local church to be engaged in the Great Commission. As Bible League, we just come alongside those local pastors. Last year I met a pastor, his name is Rolando in the Amazon and he has this great vision to reach 200 communities with the Word of God. We’re able to come alongside them and help them with Bibles and resources.

Thank you so much, Jos. We are all partners together. You, the Bible League, are the hands and feet to the local people on the ground, and there are partners and donors out there who can be hands and feet to you, as you also share with others. Those of you who are reading, if you want to be part of this ministry, and I invite you to be a part of it, I’m a part of it, go to BibleLeague.org, see more about the ministry, and see how you can participate and donate.

 

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February 26, 2024

Dr. Daniel Lattimore: DEIA And How To Better Connect The Generations At Work [Episode 465]

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Dr. Daniel Lattimore | DEIA

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Dr. Daniel Lattimore | DEIA

 

Dr. Daniel Cruz Lattimore, an independent consultant and millennial leader, provides coaching, consultation, and assessment to executives and their teams in higher education, healthcare, and other organizational settings. His consulting emphasis is effective communication, purposeful diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility, organization development, and empathic leadership.

A graduate of the University of Memphis Counseling Psychology Doctoral program, Dr. Lattimore recently completed a postdoctoral fellowship at the Cincinnati Veterans Affairs Medical Center. He also uses his creativity to innovate research with underrepresented populations.

Today, he speaks with Dr. Karen about workplace issues such as Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility (DEIA), ways to connect the generations, and unique challenges for people of color.

Contact Dr. Lattimore at Daniel.c.lattimore@gmail.com or find him on LinkedIn under Daniel Cruz Lattimore.

Listen to the podcast here

 

Dr. Daniel Lattimore: DEIA And How To Better Connect The Generations At Work [Episode 465]

Dr. Daniel Cruz Lattimore, an independent consultant and millennial leader, provides coaching, consultation, and assessment to executives and their teams in higher education, healthcare, and other organizational settings.

We’re talking about how to better connect the generations in the workplace. The workplace is multi-generational, and often, the older generation speaks a different language from the younger generations. What can all the generations do to better connect and bridge the generation gaps, and what are the advantages of working together? My guest is a millennial leader who has valuable perspectives on how to better connect the generations and also understanding the unique challenges for people of color in the workplace.

Dr. Daniel Cruz-Lattimore specializes in organization development, interprofessional team-based care, and social networking in education, healthcare, and organizational settings. He graduated from the University of Memphis Counseling Psychology doctoral program and recently completed a postdoctoral fellowship at the Cincinnati Veterans Affairs Medical Center. His mission is to encourage relationships through compassion and strategy and use his creativity and consideration to innovate research with underrepresented populations.

As an independent consultant, he also provides coaching, consultation, and assessment to executive leaders and their teams on effective communication, purposeful diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility, and empathetic leadership. He is passionate about helping individuals, groups, communities, and organizations thrive. When he’s not working, Daniel engages in pro bono services to local community-led initiatives in the greater Cincinnati area. He also enjoys improvisational theater and time at home with his wife and two cats. Welcome, Dr. Daniel to the Voice of Leadership and to Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership.

Thanks for having me, Dr. Karen.

It’s a delight to have you here. I know that you have a lot of great information to share with the community. I’m going to start out with just our first question. Are you ready?

I’m ready.

The Power Of Organizational Development For A Thriving Workplace

Dr. Daniel, you’ve worked at at least three different VA hospitals, Memphis, Iowa City, and most recently Cincinnati. As part of the time at Cincinnati VA, you worked in their National Center for Organization Development. What is organization development first? Tell us that. What was the nature of the organization development work that you did while at the VA?

Thank you for the question. We’ll first address the organization development. That is really highlighting an organization’s techniques or structure as it pertains to organizational change. It’s really the inner mechanisms that could look like key work, that could look like selection and hiring processes, that could look like just trying to get a pulse on how the group is doing, how your organization is doing, and its work groups. How its leadership is connecting with its managers or with its front-facing team. It’s really all-encompassing.

Leadership Challenges: Understanding The Generational Divide

You mentioned that organization development is about the processes and systems that are in place and particularly during a change initiative, or something of that sort. Tell us a little bit about the leadership challenges that you have seen, particularly between the generations, whether it be at the VA or even other work settings where you may have worked. What was going on between the generations and what was causing some of those divides?

What a number of organizations might experience is the communication of leadership, of its vision, of its mission, and of its values. When you’re in that onboarding process, is that conveyed to the employees that you’re onboarding is that embedded in all of the tasks, any projects that are being done amongst the team is that transparent, is that a way that people can connect it without having to do much mental math? I think what happens in terms of problems is that it becomes a disconnect. People don’t see how their tasks are meaningful to the organization or they don’t see the meaning in it for themselves. A lot of it really comes down to the communication of what’s being done and doesn’t connect.

One of the pieces that you’re talking about is that sometimes maybe the generations might communicate in different ways. Of course, whether you’re dealing with a multi-generational workforce or not, communicating in such a way that people see themselves and how they fit into the bigger picture is important. Say a little bit more about the generations themselves and how they might communicate and maybe sometimes be like ships passing through the night. They might miss each other because of different communication styles.

What we’ve seen from more seasoned leaders is that the work is the value. That just hard work might be the value and don’t you get merit, don’t you get a sense of purpose from the work? What we’re seeing amongst just millennials or even Gen Z is that they’re hoping to see more of a connection to what their values are, to see if they can bring authenticity to the workspace. I’ve seen a number of organizations ask for their authentic selves, but what they really mean to say is that they want it as it serves the larger mission and value of the organization. That might be a piece of the passing shifts you’re talking about is that we might be using similar words, different connotations.

[bctt tweet=”Millennials or even Gen Zs are hoping to see more of a connection to what their values are, to see if they can bring authenticity to the workspace.” via=”no”]

That’s a great one because in terms of the older generation, which I always refer to as the baby boomer generation, which is my generation, but even I think X is getting up there too as well. A lot of the baby boomers are gone from the workplace and those of us who remain are pretty much older folks for sure. In any case, but what I’ll say about this is that younger leaders, you’re saying they want to connect in terms of the purpose or meaning to their own purpose and meaning, not just to the work itself and to the organization. Say a little bit more about what younger leaders are looking for and what they want and maybe how the older generation can talk about these issues in a way that connects better.

I know that not all leaders are the same and that’ll sit across the board for seasoned leaders and maybe up-and-coming leaders. More oftentimes than not, I think we’re looking for what is the need that we’re trying to fulfill in this moment. If people see that more external motivator that, “We’re here to get the wicket or here to get the cogs.” It’s not tied to a larger sense of purpose or meaning that it fulfills you internally or even advocates for the people it works for that might be a disconnect.

When you think more broadly, what else do younger leaders want when they’re in the workplace? They clearly want some sense of meaning and purpose. What else do they want?

Meaning and purpose. I also go back to connection and connectivity. I have had a lot of life events that have, I would say, erred on the side of being siloed or disconnected from one another. Here we are talking on an online platform and we are connected and this is getting the job done. Also, other facets of connectivity that cannot always be met through a scheduled session or meeting. What are some of the ways that season leaders are communicating that connection is important?

How much investment do you have into my personal life as well as my professional life? We know that people are spending at least eight hours on work or work-related activities per day. They’re actually spending time away from their families or outside of their personal spaces. They could be even at home but if I’m locked away in a corner for eight hours or so, might need to find that work-life balance more. I really think leaders now could at least be transparent on ways that they are considering work-life balance and work-life integration.

I think that’s really significant. You’re saying that in essence, the younger generations are looking at life more holistically. They’re not just a person at work doing work and they want the workplace, their leaders to care about their whole lives, whether that be work-life balance, something that might be going on in their personal lives, and the meaning that we already talked about. There’s a deeper, if you will, connection, a way of relating to people that’s important from what you’re saying to the younger generations.

Although it’s great to be on Zoom, there are other ways they want to connect besides that as well. It’s a bit more intimate along the way. When you think about it, what is it that drives the younger generations? When you think about clients you’ve seen, people you saw in your other workplaces, what is it that drives them crazy, the younger generations about the baby boomer leadership?

I say it drives them crazy. I think there is listening to understand, and then there’s listening to respond. More leaders are starting to open themselves more to a vulnerable space or that empathic space of connection. Sometimes when we consider factors like employee voice, and then there is no voice, so you might see a survey for your company.

It’s like, how are you communicating that you are implementing that feedback because you might see dips and you might be scratching your head to say, “What’s going on?” If people have a voice, what’s going on and then nothing becomes of it or you’re not seeing that change or not seeing it addressed in real-time. It’s possible that people are listening to respond rather than understand. I know it’s been a headache for several leaders that I’ve consulted with. I’ll probably stick with that answer.

One of the things I’m hearing in what you said is that younger generations like to participate really in the work environment and to shape some of what happens. They don’t want to be in the old school thing of like seen and not heard and they want their voice to matter. If they’re recommending something or suggesting a way forward, they at least want to hear back about how that input was considered. How it was implemented or if it wasn’t implemented, maybe some of the reasons why it wasn’t implemented. They don’t want to just be in a black hole where somebody in the corner office made some decisions and never reported back about what they heard and what they did.

I have a mentor that talks about a thermometer in the room. He says, “Let’s say it’s 70 degrees. In the room, you have someone that’s saying it’s too hot. You have someone saying it’s too cold and all of that can be data, right? It’s not that you want to change the temperature, but you’re at least getting how people are responding to it.” One of those kinds of flagships of good leadership are what are you doing about it? You might not have changed the temperature because you had to land somewhere and there was no making everyone happy, but at least illuminate people to your process because if you don’t say anything on it, people just see that you didn’t act.

The Value Of Younger Generations: Fresh Perspectives And Adaptability

That conveys a different message than what you want to have conveyed. They’ll make up their own stories about why you didn’t act. It won’t even be close to what the truth is in the situation. Since we’ve been talking about younger generations, what is it that the younger generations are bringing to the workplace that’s valuable? Let’s find out what that is. What have you seen?

I think with younger generations, they are interacting with this new world, whether that’s through technology, whether that’s through new laws that are passed. I’m in my early thirties when I hear things about social security and things that are on my schedule for another 30 years, all I can do is sit and watch and hope that the people in place will leave me something that I can jump into. It’s a want to be involved.

It’s a want to have a voice. It’s a want to say like, “I’m a part of this too.” Whether that be my identity as part of the company, whether that be my identity as a family person. It’s just that I matter and I hold space. If leaders can make time for that platform in space so that they’re listening to their younger counterparts or even maybe adjacent counterparts, that is a flagship for what we see as organizations that thrive.

Let’s say a little bit more about what it is that the younger generations are bringing. They are looking at the new world through the lenses of different tools, more techy type tools, for example, and they’re in different places and spaces, so they can see where the market is moving. Talk a little bit more about some maybe specific examples of what they’re bringing to the workplace. That somebody like me, I might not see it. I might not be paying attention to it because I may not be on those same tools or be in those same spaces.

When we talked about organization development, we talked about organizational change. I think that leaders who have established practices are not there because of their strengths. They probably have things that they’ve learned. They have things that they wouldn’t do again. They have things that help them to build and grow. I think with younger generations, there is that willingness. There’s that willingness to build and grow. Additionally, if you’re wanting a sense of legacy, you want to in continuation, you’re going to want someone who experiences those changes in real-time.

You’re going to want someone who knows how to interact with a younger fan base, a younger customer base. You’re going to want someone who has a different point of view than you because that has been proven to cultivate growth and expansion, which I would imagine is what leaders want. Now, if you don’t want that, if you want things to stay the same, then I would say, don’t engage the younger core. If you like things just the way they are, that’s what it will be. I think there’s a lot of merit and growth in interacting with younger generations.

[bctt tweet=”There’s a lot of merit and growth in interacting with younger generations.” via=”no”]

As you were talking about, if you don’t want things to change and to grow and be different, I was thinking about the buggy whip organization, because after a while, people no longer need buggy whips. You got to move with the times, if you will. One of the things you’re saying is that younger people are willing to learn, they’re willing to grow, to step into these new places, to look down the path, to see what might be coming that maybe someone else might not see what’s coming down the pike and therefore wouldn’t prepare for it because they’re not looking at it.

They don’t have a line of sight on it. You’re also saying that there are younger customers in businesses and having someone who can relate to the younger customers is also critical and important. Share maybe Daniel some examples with us about what you have seen, let’s say in the workplace about let’s say some younger generation people that really did make a difference. If they hadn’t been there, the organization would have missed it.

I would say one organization brought up questions of how to increase with customer base, and how to increase its membership. The board consisted of, let’s say on average people who were, I’ll say 55 and up. They were scratching their heads, “How do we address this?” Everyone on that board likely had twenty-plus years of experience and was saying, “This is how I would tackle increasing membership, increasing our revenue, our customer base.” 1 or 2 people suggested, “How about we get some younger minds into the space into our board meetings or what have you?

As you said earlier, we don’t know. We might be having blind spots.” What happened was you had two people be brought on at the student level. They mentioned just bringing in a wealth of knowledge about existing social media platforms, but also that they themselves are taking share in the services, but just from a student level. That gives you insight into what are these students experience. Everyone on the board had been a student at one point, but what might’ve differed was about 40 years, just understanding that those trends can differ.

If you can align, what your purpose is and then be open to hearing the voices of students that you bring in these new ideas. That organization saw a significant percentage of increased membership from their students alone. While it might not have increased the revenue as they would have thought, they started to focus more on what is the longevity of our organization. What might that look like for programming in the future?

Where might be able to partner with students in a way that still gives them pays them their worth, but it might not look like capital. It might look like it’s opportunities for exposure. Now you also get to use that as part of your own branding that you are open, that you’re increasing your sense of accessibility across your population. That you’re increasing your sense of belonging.

The example that you’re sharing is about a professional association. It’s always a challenge for associations and thinking about membership. How do they remain relevant? How do they keep the members they have, but attract new members and maybe new members from different demographics? What you’re saying is that bringing the younger voices into the room brought up new ways to reach people and to connect so that those other demographics could be more easily reached. If I had been in the room, I might be talking about email and there may not be one email or maybe I’d be talking about landline phones if not paying attention to landline phones.

There’s a very different way of communicating and connecting in the different generations and having the people right there at the table. They know what those ways are top of mind for them. Rather than guessing, having the people at the table could make a difference for the future is what I hear you saying. You also in your case served as a community domain leader in that organization. You really had to think about how do you connect with people in the community. What did you learn about that and what did you see in that role?

As it serves for the community domain, I really thought to ask all of our members what was important to them and just by attending these sessions from people of all ages and creeds. What was the need that needed to be filled by our board, by our division? I think by and large, it was one resource people are always open to being lifelong learners and resources, these resources might have existed, but where they connected to them, did they know where to find these resources? That would be a short answer of, “Check this website or stay plugged into our Listserv.”

What we were also finding was a sense of connection is that a lot of people are navigating this road into maybe constructing their own businesses, feeling like it might be too late to transition into consulting psychology. What we can do is connect you to other people who are doing this work. People who have similar interests. That does not feel like it’s burdened so much onto your shoulders to figure out but to understand that you have a community of people who scare that mission and vision and might just approach it in a different way. Rather than saying, “But we said and.”

Mentorship And Legacy: The Benefits Of Cross-Generational Collaboration

I love that said and recognizing that if you have a diversity of people in the organization, you really can connect them so that they can partner together for mutual benefits. Suppose you’re really looking at one of let’s say older generation members of the association who’s now connecting to a younger member who’s trying to build their practice or business. We can see very easily the advantage for the younger person because they’re going to learn what to do, some landmines to avoid and so on. What about for that older member? What might be some of the advantages for them and making these kinds of connections?

It really ties into the value that older leaders receive from being in the profession. Got to talk with some students about what I consider art. The art being when you’re up and coming, you’re hungry, you’re trying to make your way, you’re trying to get your feet so that you can make the money and get your position. Once you’ve gotten the position, once you’ve gotten the money, what else is there?

You might feel fulfilled. You might feel some step back from, “I did those things. What else is there about? Why did I choose this? What’s the why for me?” What you’re alluding to Dr. Karen is really mentorship. It’s a sense of being able to pass this on to future generations. It’s legacy. It’s a sense of I’ve put in this work and I want to share it with someone because again, I think with a sense of community, it can feel isolating. Ultimately, I feel that we all have that human capacity for connection.

[bctt tweet=”We all have that human capacity for connection.” via=”no”]

You’re talking about something very important to those of us who are in the older generations because we know we’re not going to be in the workplace forever. It’s just a matter of a few short years in our cases before we’ll be out. I think that the legacy piece is important and the knowledge transfer to somebody who can carry the baton onto the next X number of years. Particularly, I’ll share this from a personal perspective.

I’m particularly interested in the consulting psychologists who have a Christian perspective, which is a smaller group and those are people who I’m prioritizing to mentor going forward so that therefore they have what I didn’t have. There were no mentors back in my day for going in that direction. In fact, people say, “What? Christian psychologists, that doesn’t even go together.” It was a hard way to go back in the day. I’d like to be able to share with those who are wanting to do that now going forward.

Legacy is important to those of us who are exiting sooner out of the workplace. Thank you for even mentioning that. We’ve been talking a little bit about what the issues are. What else would you like to add about what either the younger generations could do to connect more, let’s say corporate settings, to add value? Walue that the organization would see as value. What can they do to facilitate, let’s say, greater and deeper connection or anything else more that you think the older generation can also do to facilitate connection?

I first start with younger generations. I think that oftentimes because there can be a power dynamic in the room younger generations are tending to look to make their way or make their space so that insinuates that they are on the outside looking in and trying to get in. I would first advocate for younger generations to really own what they bring to the table. Just learning to advocate or market themselves.

If I cannot see the value in myself, I don’t know how I can convey that to others. I see it from experience, it’s a thing a lot of imposter syndrome you fight at first, but once you do a lot of self-awareness and a lot of understanding of why you do it, you can bring that version of you to the forefront. In turn, I would say for older or seasoned leaders what is it that they’re wanting to bring? If you can convey that you’re open to hearing other voices or that you’re wanting to hear these fresh perspectives, it’s almost like a manifestation.

If you say it enough times and believe it enough times that it might exist in your space but we cannot get past it, no one can read minds. It’s that you have to say it and you have to be transparent with that message across your organization, across your work group, that you’re looking for this, you’re wanting to hear more perspectives, you’re wanting to involve folks. I think that’s a two-way street in communication.

There’s the openness to hear the new perspective and inviting the perspective. There’s also for the younger generation of people to recognize they have something to offer and to stand in the power of that, not hide out if you will, along the way. I’m going to add another little tidbit that I think can be helpful and for the younger generations to think about in the workplace. If let’s say you have a baby boomer boss, they’re caring about something that’s related to the mission of that organization.

Baby Boom was very work-focused. That’s the heritage that we have. I think if whatever you’re suggesting and recommending as a younger generation team member, find a way to demonstrate and connect that new idea with what that baby boomer person really is trying to make happen. When you are able to say, “I see that you want to do X. This is what’s really important to you.” Now you show how your A, B, and C gets to their X.

That gets the baby boomer’s attention because they know that you’re on the same wavelength. You may be using different tools, but they see the alignment in wanting to go in a similar direction or even if it’s a different direction. You have a reason for that different direction that you’re able to articulate that still achieves the end goal for that baby boomer person. Whether it be increasing customers or increasing members of the professional association or whatever it might be. I’ll just fill that in.

Well said. If our younger generations can discern for themselves what their value is and what they get out of working or what they hope to accomplish, if they can identify where those overlaps are, I think there could be that willingness from the seasoned leader to work collaboratively on this mission to share that vision. Again, I think we use these in the caveats that we have a leader that’s open to hearing it. We have a younger worker that’s open to collaboration. Sometimes it works. It happens where they’re not in alignment and we don’t want to try to use an icebreaker or team building exercise when people are very daunch into the value that they have. Sometimes it’s needing to let that go but it just comes to expertise and listening to your intuition to decide.

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, And Accessibility (DEIA): Creating A Welcoming Workplace

You have to use the right tool at the right time. Sometimes pre-work is necessary. You cannot always jump in at the deep end of the pool. We might have to start in the three-feet water for a little bit in order to get up to the 10-foot or the 12-foot. Absolutely. Dr. Daniel, you and I were talking about diversity and diversity work in organizations. I can remember back in the day when we just had one letter, that letter was D and it was diversity. Now it’s diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility. Break that down for us. What do those words mean? Tell us a little bit about what you’ve worked on in the DEIA space.

When we talk about diversity, it’s acknowledging the individual pieces that make up an organization, so person A, person B, person C, person D. They might all come from different backgrounds and different creeds. They might work for the same organization, but it’s a recognition that they’re four different people. When we talk about equity, we’re talking about, yes, you might think of a hiring practice that you’ve brought them all on, that they’re working for your organization. Maybe C had to work twice as hard to get to the same place that A did.

[bctt tweet=”When we talk about diversity, it’s acknowledging the individual pieces that make up an organization.” via=”no”]

That’s where equity comes in. It’s understanding that with their backgrounds or understanding what might be some of the barriers that some folks came in with that others did not. More often times than not, the example is with race. If you look into the percentages of what someone who identifies as Black or African-American is making or the same job as maybe a White counterpart, is that an equal standing? Is it unequal? That’s something that we have to take a look at. That’s what we talk about equity is just being aware of what people are bringing in and their experiences.

When we talk about inclusion, it really gives a kinship to the sense of voice we talked about. If we’re all in the room, man understanding that everyone in the room could get voice to what this idea or thought process is just as high as the head of a board could be or head of an organization and some of the youngest members. It could be someone with 30 years of experience, it could be a student, it could be someone early in their career but understanding that you’re wanting to hear all the voices in the room. Simply put, one person cannot know everything.

We all have our blind spots. When we talk about the A, accessibility, just understanding that some people have areas to even getting to that space. A little different from the equity piece, but understanding that if there are routes that you might take, other people might take a separate route. One example of that is being the presence of an elevator. If we have a meeting on the fourth floor and the elevator is broken and someone is needing that elevator to get to the fourth floor, who can make that space and who cannot?

That’s just an example of consideration, or does everyone have accessibility? Even on this Zoom call, this could be a way that if people have standing Wi-Fi if they have a laptop with a good screen and good lighting, then we can talk accessibility across the board, but just being mindful of making sure everyone can access these resources.

Good. What are some examples about the DEIA work that you have done in organizations. Give us a story of something, an example.

I think it really comes in terms of advocacy for hiring and selection processing, I did work within higher education and consultation. What it looked like was they were looking to hire another professor for their team and just looking into traditionally what the makeup of the workgroup of our college. We’re looking to increase hiring or diversity within our hiring practices.

That can be an in-depth look at what does selection looks like. What does retention look like of people who might identify as minority or underrepresented? What policies and procedures exist for that faculty, for that group? What does the school say about it? What does the university say about its retention and its mission and its value? Do the actions align with the mission and vision?

If we’re looking into, “We’ve not had someone who identifies as a minority, as a professor for the past ten years.” If the people that we’ve hired are not staying longer than two, then we might need to look into what those hiring practices look like. What the culture look like? What our organization’s mission and values are? Just revisiting those. What does leadership look like? I think that is one example of the DEIA work.

What if the organization says back to you in the example you mentioned like it’s been ten years or people are leaving and say, “We have our practices in place and our objective is to get the best people. We’re using tools, their state-of-the-art. These are the people who are coming.” Suppose they say that.

I have heard that. I think it’s a revisit to how dedicated are you to truly making this a diverse, equitable, inclusive, and

accessible space. Some people do say the buck stops here. We’ve done everything. You’ve looked into our practices, but bring it back to, we don’t know what we don’t know. We all have blind spots, but sometimes it can be who organizations to look externally.

Sometimes they say, “We’ve used internal practices.” If this is something that you’re dedicated to and you do and you want to make part of your mission and vision, it might look to be an external investment. Just understanding getting with self and understanding or asking, “What is my own level of self-awareness? Have I done any outside work to continue my own competency in these areas? Am I comfortable where I am?”

That’s an answer too. If you are comfortable where you are, then people are fine leaving it at that. I would say if people wanted to continue to understand more about making this a more diverse, equitable, inclusive, accessible space, you do need to focus even on the I part of including more voices that are not similar to your own.

The Power Of Diversity: Why It Matters For Business Success

That’s a very good point. The point is that it may look to you like you’re using the best tools and that you’re doing everything possible. However, there may be things you don’t know, and there could be some other tools out there. It’s interesting thinking about it in that way because people don’t always see themselves in the mirror as they are. I guess I’ll put it this way. They may not understand the value of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Just say a word about that. Why is it important for me to have this diverse organization? What am I going to gain as the business executive with a diverse group as opposed to maybe a group that’s less diverse?

I think there is an internal and external answer and I will expand. Externally, people will say, “What? Does it matter? What this component is.” We are seeing more and more companies. We’re seeing the effects of them not investing in diversity, equity and inclusion. We see news stories come out about people who are underrepresented either walking away from their position or bringing up all kinds of liability because they didn’t feel like it was an inclusive space.

It wasn’t DEIA-aligned. That’s one reason is for the press. That’s why I say it’s external because it’s something that is an outside force. Now internally, it’s going to require some vulnerability. I would dip into the empathic leader. If you want to be growing, evolving if that is a value of yours constantly grow. People don’t look at to themselves and say, “I’ve done all the growing I can do. There’s nothing else that anyone can teach me.” It’s a question of, “What don’t I know? What might else be out there? Why would it be important for me to do DEIA?”

I don’t know if I can give an answer to folks except to say that would be an internal process. I know that a lot of what you and I talk about is just becoming lifelong learners. A lot of self-awareness. Knowing why we do the things we do, whether it’s faith-led and faith-motivated, or if it’s just that growing is one of your values is that I would challenge, or gently challenge folks to ask that question of themselves, why might this be important?

I know, a lot of business executives, they care about the success of the company. Let’s say my company is successful so far and we’re financially where we want to be, we’ve got customers that we love and everything’s going great. What do I need diversity for? We’re pretty much 98% White and then it’s okay.

I sitting here as a Black male couldn’t tell you that your strategy isn’t working or it’s not that it’s the difference seems to be successful by those measures of revenue or through keeping your business alive. I would then ask, “In what capacity would they seek this out? This is my own personal thought process. If people are seeking these resources, they’re watching a Dr. Karen episode and where they can make space for young folks. It’s that they’re open to the process.

They’re open to knowing what I might like, “Dr. Daniel, I don’t know about it.” I won’t hold it against you if you don’t know about it. I appreciate you coming to the space to educate yourself further on it. I commend you. I think that what gets in the way of people moving forward is this anxious mindset that they’re going to get it wrong. I would say that it’s not about getting it wrong, but it’s that you try. Not that you tried, but that you are trying. It’s that you’re wanting to understand. You’re wanting to learn.

[bctt tweet=”What gets in the way of people moving forward is this anxious mindset that they’re going to get it wrong. It’s not about getting it wrong, but it’s that you are trying” via=”no”]

In psychology, there is this principle that we have with kids or babies and maybe those who are outside of psychology, if I hide my face from a baby, they cannot see it. We might play peekaboo and we know that the face is there. The baby might not. At some level, isn’t it possible that there are things that we cannot see, but they still exist? I think that it really pulls on that curiosity, that willingness to learn, willingness to grow.

What you’re saying now makes me think about this reality. Although I’m doing very well in my business, this 98% right today, what I don’t know is to what extent that will continue into tomorrow. I have to be willing to look at the future and will I continue to be able to attract all the talent I want to attract? Will I be able to continue to get all the customers that I want doing what I’m doing today? Maybe I need to that curiosity you’re talking about. Maybe I need to tap into it because there’s probably something I don’t know that would make me even more successful tomorrow. It’s being willing to consider, that could I be missing something. By the time I figure it out, it might be too late to turn the train around, so to speak.

For sure. I mean, it’s a risk. There’s a lot of risk. There’s a lot of unknown leaders often have to make that decision of, do I stay, do I keep things the same or do I look to change, I look to evolve. Do I look to grow? It is something that leaders have to weigh out for themselves, for the good of their company. It comes to that risk and reward. Maybe this does tap into serving more than a homogenous group or a group that’s very similar. Maybe there is some merit in expansion and looking at ourselves in a different way or reinventing our brand.

Additional Challenges For Young People Of Color In The Workplace

I want to get to something before we end, when we’re talking about the generations earlier and the different generations, what about people of color who are in the younger generation, what additional challenges or issues might they face also in dealing with the baby boomer ex-generation bosses and so on? What other layer might also be there?

Younger generations are not without looking at our steamed older seasoned mentors. We see how you operated and we say, “There’s honor. There might be respect for the way they did it. It may be not that long ago that you went your own way. You did your own thing.” I think for younger leaders of color, there’s just a recognition that we want to do things our way. We want to be self-starters or we want to continue that process.

It might not look like the way you did it, but the roots and the bones are still there. I think of like dance crazes now, people are putting all kinds of things together, but there are also TikToks of older generations saying, “That’s not we call this. It’s the same thing. It’s just got a different twist.” I think we’re a lot similar in ways and people give credit for and we just have to honor the growth process that we’re looking for change. We’re looking to have something that we can take a stake in, make our own.

The corporate executives who may have younger generation people who are also people of color in the organization, what else do they need to be mindful of that those individuals may be experiencing that’s even different from their younger generation white counterparts?

Something that we could get people into is that concept of microaggression. We talk about historical when we think of racism, we think of maybe an over blatant act that is discriminatory based off of someone’s race or their gender, etc. When we talk microaggression, it’s that it’s this more nuanced way of existence, or it might be this nuance messaging that’s not still overt. If you have a policy that talks about hair, that’s one that we’ve seen is that you have to have your hair in a professional space because it conveys a certain message to customers.

It’s just being able to question that and say, “Does someone’s hair really take away from a messaging or am I willing to have that conversation because this is how they’ve chosen to express themselves? Does that expression sit outside of the values of the company? Does it throw off the mission and vision because they decided to wear it in a natural pro or to wear it bravely?”

I speak mostly off of African-American culture because that’s where I come from but just an understanding that there are different walks. There are different experiences between the two. I would say like a good captain-engaged leader would understand back to that there’s a person A, person B, person C, and person D that people have different experiences. Just maybe being open to the question of what are these different experiences of my team.

One of the things I’m hearing is that a person of color might face that the organization has already defined professional as excluding something that is natural and common to them, whether it be like I’m wearing my hair in locks or this is in a locked setting. What if I came to work and they said, “We don’t allow locks whatever.” Again, it’s the subtlety of how a majority perspective can have people thinking that one thing is professional and another thing it’s not. That may not be true. You may have to question some of those assumptions is what I’m hearing from that example. That’s a very good example about something different that people might have to deal with that the White counterparts don’t have to deal with. Yeah, absolutely.

An example I could give real quick is, if a leader decided to give their team a toiletry bag and the toiletry bag had mouthwash, toothbrush, you name it, a fingernail clipper, and then also a comb. You might think, “This is a nice gift or gesture to give to all my people, to people on my team, but is this one of the fine-toothed combs or is this a pick? I don’t know if the small comb would work with my hair, but if you had something that was considerate of my hairstyle, or if you asked me, then that might convey that you’re at least considering how I might be different than my other counterparts.”

That’s a really good example actually, about the comb. The first thing I’m thinking about is, “Is there any lotion in that thing?” Certainly, as African-American people, that’s important to us, but other people might not need it. You know what I’m saying? Just to be considerate. I won’t take too much time with this, but I know that when I was at West Point and the women were at the Academy at the time and still in relatively small numbers and they would receive their little toiletry kit at the beginning when they checked in and it had an athletic supporter in there which they didn’t need.

Some things they did need were not in the bag. When I was there in my role as the psychologist for the cadets, we addressed that issue and made some changes. Let’s just put it that way. That’s a really good example of how not considering the different needs of the diverse people who are in your organization.

If I may point out with that example, you not only spoke to the gender differences but also being the level of a cadet to your superior. I think that’s a great example of how younger generations can add to the effectiveness of the organization.

Daniel, how can people get ahold of you? Suppose they want to know more about this subject or engage you to help them with what’s going on in their organization? How can they reach you?

That’s a great question, Dr. Karen. First I would say they can find me through my email, which is my first name, Daniel.C.Lattimore@gmail.com. They could also find me on LinkedIn under Daniel Cruz Latimore. Dr. Karen is a connection so you can start with her.

Final Thoughts: Embracing Diversity And Fostering Connection

Absolutely and it’ll definitely be in our show notes and Cruz is Cruz in case people want to know because it’s more than one way to go up with the Cruz. What additional words of wisdom Dr. Daniel do you want to leave with my community of executive business leaders and please include any final recommendations for current and future readers of this episode. What do you want them to take away and to remember?

First, I just want to express gratitude for reading. I think oftentimes we look for the now what instead of sitting with the just what. Thank you for giving this a space and platform. I would recommend to folks to just really sit with what is the need that they’re trying to fill. If you can start there, whether it’s a self-need or a need of the organization, that will help you be able to identify what it is that you need to fill that need. Additionally, I would say to allow yourself grace in this process that it is something that we’re growing competency in. It’s not something we become fully competent in, and it’s not something that it’s too late to try. Just a willingness, some grace, and just being able to sit with self.

Thank you very much, Dr. Daniel. I think you’ve issued an invitation for people to consider what maybe they don’t consider every day. That’s an important perspective as well. We’re going to close with a reading from First Corinthians, the 12th chapter, starting with verse 15, “If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I’m not of the body?” Is it therefore not of the body? If the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I’m not of the body?” Is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing?

If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? Now God has set the members, each of them in the body, just as he pleased. If they were all one member, where would the body be? Now indeed there are many members, yet one body, and the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you.” Nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” No, much rather those members of the body that seem to be weaker are necessary. Those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor.

Our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, but our presentable parts have no need. God composed the body, having given greater honor to the part which lacks it that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.” In a way, this is a picture of the church, and all the gifts that God has put in the church through different individual people. There’s a principle that also applies to what we’ve been talking about in terms of diversity of generations, and diversity of background in an organization. We all have a role.

We all collectively together are better together than we are by ourselves and because I’m not like you or you’re not like me, doesn’t mean we don’t have value. We all have value and when we bring it together, just what we can do. That’s what this segment is about. Think about your organization and what you can do with all the generations engaged and interacting together. All the different ethnic backgrounds engaged and working together you will be rock stars because your body is whole and not rejecting another piece of the body. Thank you for being here and we’ll see you next time.

Spirit Wings Kids Foundation

This is Dr. Karen here and I want to share some important insights with you about Spirit Wings Kids Foundation, a 501c3 organization that’s doing wonders across the globe and especially in Uganda. I have with me Donna Johnson, who’s the founder of Spirit Wings Kids and a member of the board. She’s going to tell us about the permaculture farm that they have started. Donna, tell us all about it.

Thank you, Dr. Karen. For decades, we’ve been supporting the orphanage and family network in Uganda. In 2018, my son is a permaculturist and we had acres that we dedicated to his planting. It was just amazing. He also taught them how to do permaculture. It’s flourishing. In fact, during the pandemic, it saved lives. 203 families were fed during the pandemic. It’s such a miracle that God just called us to plant that garden at the time that we did.

Thank you so much, Donna. Thank you so much for your work in Uganda and a couple of other things I want people to know as a permaculture farm is self-contained in many ways, depending on how they’re growing the crops. You don’t have to use pest control. You don’t need fertilizer. It’s a very sustainable way to provide food for the community. That’s a blessing. If you want to be a part of this wonderful work out there, 100% of all of your donation goes to the people in Uganda to help feed them and their families. Go to SWKids.Foundation and give. Make a difference in the world. Thank you for doing so.

 

Important Links

 

 

February 19, 2024

Giji Dennard: What Corporate Executives Need To Know About Father-Child Relations [Episode 463]

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Giji Dennard | Corporate Executives

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Giji Dennard | Corporate Executives

 

Fathers affect how their sons and daughters show up at work and also how they relate to their own children. Giji Mischel Dennard, the CEO of Well Fed Resources, articulates a definition of the Father’s role that builds on the strengths and gifts men already use in their corporate jobs. She expands the definition of “Provider” to include more than financial provision.

Giji debuted as a voice in the fatherlessness movement in 2012 after publishing the first edition of “Hungry for Wholeness: A Call to Pursue Healing & Restoration in Your Father-Child Relationship.”  She was also the opening keynote speaker for the inaugural Father-Shift Conference. In today’s episode she shares her insights about Father-Child relationships from personal experience, her research, and her consulting work with sons and daughters. She invites fathers to conduct a “Benefit Analysis” and to experience the ROI from stepping up to Biblical Fatherhood. Giji speaks with Dr. Karen about the role of fathers in identity development, unconditional acceptance, achievement, honor, and mentoring their children.

Contact Giji Dennard at Well Fed Resources.

Listen to the podcast here

 

Giji Dennard: What Corporate Executives Need To Know About Father-Child Relations [Episode 463]

Many successful male executives have profound stories of challenges in their father-son relationships. It’s as if their great corporate success is a way to prove their value and worthiness to fathers who were distant, unsupportive, and sometimes abusive. In other cases, fathers were physically and emotionally absent. All of these scenarios affect how sons and daughters show up at work. Some of the most tyrannical and difficult bosses have adopted their interaction patterns from their difficult fathers.

Our special guest shares her insights about father-child relationships from personal experience, her research, and her consulting work with sons and daughters. How do fathers impact their children? How do adult children relate to their children, given their father-child experiences of origin? What are the implications for business executives?

Father-Child Relationships & Executive Success

Our topic is How Father-Child Relationships Impact the Success and Failure of Corporate Executives. Giji Mischel Dennard, my special guest, is the CEO of Well Fed Resources. Her areas of personal development expertise include father-child relationships, identity cultivation, effective communication, and kingdom living. She debuted as a voice in the fatherless movement in 2012 after publishing the first edition of Hungry for Wholeness: A Call to Pursue Healing & Restoration in Your Father-Child Relationship. She was also the opening keynote speaker for the inaugural Father Shift conference.

Giji speaks before corporate executives, federal policymakers, college students, church congregations, radio listeners, and nonprofit volunteers. Her compelling desire is to see everyone within her sphere of influence break through impasses to achieve their full potential. Her focus is 360-degree wellness in spirit, soul, body, and business. From state champion orator in high school to director of training at Capital Concierge to workshop leader at the Kickoff Women in Leadership Conference, she has engaged and inspired audiences for almost five decades with her transparency and empathy. Welcome to the show.

I am so delighted to be here. I look forward to this conversation and thank you so much for having me.

You are so welcome, and I’m very delighted to have you here too because your topic is an extremely important topic to my audience, whether they know it or not. We want to unpack that now, and a lot of the work that you are doing right now is rooted in your own experiences with your father. I want to start there and have you tell us maybe the cliff notes version of the highlights of how you grew up without your father and tell us a little bit about how you ultimately met him.

Growing Up Without A Father & Meeting Him For The First Time

I grew up without my father because my mother when she got pregnant, left my dad at six months pregnant, and then she felt it was going to be better for me not to be pulled between parents. She denied him access to me. That’s why I didn’t see him or know him, and then I asked her when I was sixteen if I could invite him to my high school graduation, and that led to my meeting him. I sent an invitation to his father, who sent it to him, and then two months afterward, we had an opportunity to meet finally.

Tell us a little bit about that first meeting that you had with your father. What was it like?

That was it’s hard to even find words to describe it. It was exciting, and overwhelming, all at the same time. I was a little nervous because I wasn’t sure how my mother would treat him, let the dynamic was interesting, but it was also affirming in many ways. I could see myself in him in so many ways. I’m so much like him. It filled a lot of holes for me that had been in my psyche and identity in meeting him.

I love that part where you talk about how meeting him filled some holes that had been there before. Say a little bit more about how your sense of your life and your sense of yourself changed after you met your father.

I knew that I missed him, but I didn’t know what I was missing if that makes sense. In that void, I didn’t know exactly what it would be like, but that sense of acceptance for who I am, exactly as I am, was something that was missing. It created in me a very strong performance-oriented bent in a way that was unhealthy. Experiencing that unconditional acceptance from my father healed a lot of that, and I no longer had a need to find acceptance in my performance.

That’s a great picture of what a father can add to a daughter’s life in this situation. Let’s talk a little bit about your relationship with your mother in this sense. Why was the relationship with your mother, absent your father, not exactly enough in your case? We have lots of people who are in those scenarios where they may be in single-parent homes, being raised by their mothers. They don’t have the benefit of their fathers in the home or even in their lives.

A lot of it is just that parents are designed to be a yin and yang, and when you are missing a piece of that, whatever that parent would have brought into the relationship is not there. In my case, the roles were a little bit different from what’s typical. My father was more of a nurturer. My mother was very authoritarian. There was a gap in terms of emotional support and understanding, and that’s something I didn’t have with that one parent. That was challenging, particularly because I’m a very empathetic, emotionally wired person, and my mother could not relate to that. That created a big gap in our communication and our ability to relate to one another.

Thank you for personalizing it in the sense that this was the narrative for your family. There may be other kinds of gaps that occur with other people as far as the yin and the yang, and what the specific yin and yang might be. We also know that a lot of times, because of how we have been raised ourselves, it impacts how we then parent our children. When you think about your mother, what did you ultimately learn about her father relationship that probably impacted the choices she made and how she showed up with you and with your father?

That’s very much related. My mother also grew up without her biological father. Now, there was a father in the home who was a very solid man. He raised my grandmother’s seven children that were not his. He was about to need sainthood. He was a great father, but not knowing, that separation from her biological father, and not having that relationship I could tell there was something missing. As I got older, I could see something missing even in her relationship with the grandfather that I knew, who had raised her. She never got that hole filled either. I do think that impacted everything in her decision-making and probably, to some degree, even in her choice of a husband.

Why Fathers Are Important To A Child’s Development

Very important concepts. When we think about it, it’s clear that boys and girls need their fathers. From your perspective, why do they need their fathers?

It’s because fathers are designed to help you develop your identity, help you grow into being confident in who you are, know who you are, helping bring out those things about what your dreams are and where your course in life should be going. It’s not that mothers don’t participate in that, but fathers are wired in a different way to bring a voice, a vision, guidance, and a sense of security along that journey. They are the ones who tend to push you out like, “You can do it. You can, you can make it happen. Go ahead, try it.” Mothers tend to be more protective, don’t want you to get hurt, “Don’t do that crazy thing over there.” Dads tend to be more like, “Don’t worry, go do it. I will catch you.”

When fathers aren’t present, it is often the case that both boys and girls grow up either insecure. They tend to be unsure about who they are in the world and how to navigate the world. Boys who don’t see a father treating their mother well don’t know what that looks like and then pass that on in their relationships. A lot of times, depending on the type of father if you had an authoritarian father and that was hurtful when you get into the workplace and you end up working with somebody who’s authoritarian, all of that plays out in our psyche, and it ends up influencing us subconsciously in ways that we are often not aware.

How Father Wounds Show Up In The Workplace For Men And Women

You started talking about something that I want to get into next, which is that man who does have a father wound. How does he show up in the workplace? What are we likely to see?

It depends on the type of father. I will very quickly go through this. I look at five archetypes. You’ve got an absent father, like I had. If a father isn’t there at all, a lot of times, if that man has not had a male influence to show them how to grow up and develop, they can often be lost in relationships. They don’t know how to interact and engage properly because they were never taught.

Let’s say you had an abusive father, though. Then it’s a good possibility that a person will mimic certain patterns of behavior. They may be very harsh in their communications with their colleagues and employees and stuff like that, and that also might be the case for somebody who has an authoritarian father. You may have had an apathetic father, someone who was at home but not paying attention to you at all, and if you were that child who grew up with an apathetic father, it’s a good possibility that you don’t know how to connect with people. You may be physically present, but you don’t know how to engage and develop relationships. Those are some of the ways that might look in the workplace.

Thank you and we have been talking a lot about males in the workplace. That’s a lot of the audience that I have who are reading now. I have a passion for father-daughter relationships. I was very close to my father. He certainly was a very affirming influence in my life, even in terms of me taking risks, going out to do things that my mother certainly didn’t want me to do, like you said but my father said, “She can do that. She can.” He felt like I could do anything.

Me going into the military was certainly out of pattern for our family, and yet he supported that and everything else that I have done in the business sense, in the corporate world, and in entrepreneurism everything that I have he’s always been a strong supporter right there by my side to say, “I know you can do it. Go out there and take the hill.” That would be my father’s approach.

When I was studying clinical psychology, my doctoral dissertation was about father-daughter relationships and how important those are and their impact. Let’s talk about females in the workplace. Let’s talk about women and if there’s a father wound for women, how does that show up for them when they are now in their corporate executive roles? What do you often see?

What I see often is that they are still looking for that affirmation. It transfers that affirmation that you can do it, that cheering you on, that confidence in you and your abilities. It’s very important for them to get that from their boss. If they end up with a boss who doesn’t provide that, it tends to be very unsatisfying for them. Unfortunately, sometimes, depending on how they have also developed in romantic relationships, there can be a misplaced affection tendency toward male bosses because they are still looking for that affection from a father figure. It can be very subtle and often not intentional, but it goes back to missing something and trying to get it filled another way.

Sometimes it doesn’t come from a wife-husband relationship because you are looking for a leader and somebody more of a mentor, but you are still looking for affection. This can create awkwardness and inappropriateness in relationships, and women may not even understand that’s what’s going on. They may find that their bosses want to create more distance, which may hurt because they are trying to get closer to fulfill an unmet need from their father. They don’t understand that either. They think, “Something about this doesn’t feel right,” and so they create boundaries. That’s the danger of people not being aware.

They would probably misinterpret those boundaries. Maybe take it personally and not understand that this might be an appropriate boundary in the workplace when it could feel like rejection to the woman who’s seeking that father figure and doesn’t know that she’s seeking the father. I also think that some women may be very vulnerable because, as they are seeking the father, there may be some I’ll say less wholesome kinds of men in the workplace who could take advantage of them. Talk a little bit about that and the other side of the coin and what might happen.

I have probably experienced a bit of that in my journey because, even though I met my father when I was seventeen I was already dating. I ended up in a relationship with someone much older. They did take advantage of that. Everybody ends up looking for something. They had a need I had a need. They had a need to be admired and adored that they weren’t getting at home, and I had a need for this affirming, affectionate, caretaker-provider-protector person in my life but it was a bad idea, to say the least, and it did not turn out well.

That’s very easy to happen because you don’t always have the wherewithal to read between the lines and see what everyone’s intent is. You can get trapped in something before you realize that you are in something you weren’t looking for. I have seen that happen for sure. I have seen it happen in Corporate America, and I have also seen it happen in university settings in academia with professors and young women.

It’s making me think about the Me Too movement in general and all of these stories that are coming up about men being in positions of power and women. It’s like the old casting couch scenario in Hollywood. “Yes, I want to be a star and get to my next level as an actor or whatever,” and you think that this relationship is maybe going to help you get there when it’s an abusive agreement. The charter between the two people and their boundaries gets crossed in ways that probably should not happen.

That happens much more often than is recorded. That’s the other issue that is a barrier to healing for both men and women. If you find yourself in that situation, it can become very difficult and embarrassing to talk about it. You don’t want to tell somebody, but at the same time, you still may not know how or why you got there. The likelihood that you’ll repeat that is much higher. It’s very important that people understand that there is a relationship between your experience with your father and your other relationships so that you can at least look at it. Take a look, and think about, “I wonder if that might be why I have this relationship with that person or something.” People often exist without exploring how these dynamics might have a wider impact.

That’s a good point. Just because we don’t know something or we are not examining it doesn’t mean that it’s not affecting us. When we do examine it, it gives us an opportunity to see the dynamics in place and make choices about what we want to do going forward into the future. This gives us more agency because we understand and we know that.

It’s very important to understand and be aware of how things are affecting you, why you do what you do, and why you are interested in this thing or that thing. It can stem from so many different realms. A lot of times, we don’t understand the connections, and so we don’t get healed. We don’t become our best selves, which is my real desire. We don’t become our best selves because we are carrying baggage we don’t even know we have.

This brings me to the next thing I’m going to talk about which is why is it, specifically, that men will continue in broken relationships with their children without seeking healing, especially given all the damage we are talking about that can take place. There’s a lot of misconception that’s part of it. A lot of times, men think their children will grow up and they will be okay.  They will get over it. Sometimes, it’s a mirror of their own experience, and they may feel like, “It turned out okay, so they will be fine,” not realizing that not only are their kids not necessarily fine, but they are not okay either.

Men, in particular, are much more likely to devalue some of those relational parts of themselves that are important. They might even think, “That part belongs to someone else.” I know a lot of men feel like all that “touchy-feely stuff” is the mom’s role. “You do that.” They pull themselves out of the process of engaging in communication that might bring up questions like, “How can you help me?”

I have seen this repeated. They don’t understand generational wounding either. There are far too many men who were wounded and don’t know it. They were wounded by men who were also wounded and didn’t know it. There are these long strings of wounded men who repeat this pattern because you can’t give what you don’t have. I don’t think that a lot of the time, this is part of the achievement and success men are looking for. They don’t understand how much more fulfilling their lives would be if healing were part of the equation.

I’m seeing situations where women are in relationships with men who show evidence of this father-wasting experience. However, as you are saying, the men don’t see themselves as wounded. They don’t think there’s anything to fix. Very often, they project onto the woman whatever the problem is, thinking she’s the problem, rather than looking in the mirror to see, “What contribution might I be making to the situation?”

They don’t know they are battle-scarred and wounded, and they don’t know there’s anything for them to address. The finger keeps pointing outward to the people they are in relationships with so they never get to see that they need to make some changes. Very often, they go from relationship to relationship, and none of them work because who can live with this wounded warrior who’s not getting help?

They fail to recognize that they are the common denominator.

God’s Intentions For Fatherhood & Lessons From The Bible

You and I both have a Christian perspective on life and on relationships so share with us a little bit about how you see what God intends for men to demonstrate in fatherhood.

This is so important that if men would look to God’s instruction about fathers, to God’s demonstration as a father, that would make such a big difference. I think that men who desire to be good fathers have to look to the creator of fatherhood and what that is supposed to look like. God so clearly demonstrates this throughout the world. When you think about David being a man after God’s own heart, it’s the heart of God as a father that is going to shape men into being great fathers when they have a relationship with God embrace God’s father’s heart, and learn what that looks like. I was reading the prodigal son story. When the son came back, the father didn’t say, “I always knew you were going to mess up and squander the money,” or he then said, “I’ll let you back in if you do this and this,” which are often reactions.

[bctt tweet=”Men who desire to be good fathers have to look to the creator of fatherhood and what that is supposed to look like.” via=”no”]

There’s a condition. There’s that whole notion of embracing the child in all of their mess is not typical. It’s countercultural. If men want to be strong fathers, then they have to understand that it’s going to look different. It’s going to look different than the world does it, but the Bible has a lot of guidance to offer about how to father, what that looks like, and what those responsibilities are.

Somewhere in Western society, we just adopted this whole thing of fathers as providers and then stopped there somewhere, and it was intended to be so much more. They are supposed to be the spiritual guides of the house, and for children, their fathers are the ones who typically will determine their spiritual direction. It’s fascinating to me that a lot of times, and I see this a lot, where a mother will go to church so the kids will go to church to the mother, but what the father doesn’t understand is that his not going to church tells the kids this isn’t important.

Honestly, if they see that thing, they will make a determination, “This must not be that important because he doesn’t go,” and you can take them but it’s like what you are living is contradicting what you are teaching and that modeling of being a spiritual head. If you’ve never seen your father pray if you’ve never seen your father get in the word, if you’ve never had a conversation with your father to talk about integrity and forgiveness and those kinds of principles, or why aren’t we seeing more the fruits of the spirit in your life? If that’s not happening, then that’s a big gap. We are missing a big part of what fathering should look like because, and that’s the stuff that’s going to make a difference down the road. When the kids are 25 and 35 and struggling, those life lessons and the experience of watching a father walk that out are priceless.

What I’m hearing you say so far is that it’s important for the father to meet the child where they are, and they may be in an imperfect place. They might be down in a foreign country, squandering money or whatever, or coming back having lost everything. You meet them where they are. You show unconditional love because your intention as the father is restoration and getting that relationship right.

I also hear you saying that even though a lot of fathers, even in Christian homes, are abdicating the spiritual responsibility, what you are saying is that this is the father’s primary role to be the spiritual leader and what he participates in and what he signs off on is what they are noticing whether this is important or not. Those are very important aspects that we have covered so far. What may be another example or two principles from the Bible that you would say are important for fathers to acknowledge about their role?

In a lot of ways, fathers are depicted in the Bible as teachers. They are often, and it’s so not spiritual things, but other things, teaching about life lessons, teaching about how to make good business decisions, teaching about how to do a business or a trade or whatever. There’s a lot of that example. That’s another place where too many men have abdicated in the home by not teaching their children and seeing themselves as a mentor for their children.

Most kids want their dad to be like the hero in their lives, and that thing. The other part is to show honor. Honor is a part of a culture that also is bereft often, but that’s a big part of what the Bible teaches about fathers teaching their children honor by demonstrating honor the way they honor leaders, the way they honor even when they are leaders themselves, and the way they honor people that are supporting them.

When you think about military leaders in the Bible. Every time the strong leaders led men into battle, they also took care of them. There was an honor and respect for each other as a community that is a big part of what fatherhood should look like and the men’s roles in the home and the community when there’s an honoring of one another. I think about Bathsheba’s husband, when he came home and didn’t want to eat or sleep with his wife because all his fellow men were out in the field, he said, “I’m going to stay outside.” That respect and honor for each other is another part of what that leadership looks like.

Yes, you are talking about Uriah. He was very committed to David and very committed to the nation of Israel at the time, above even his own personal pleasure, enjoyment, or benefits. I’m hearing several things here. You are talking about fathers as teachers and, beyond the spiritual things, teachers in general. I believe it’s in the book of Deuteronomy where God is instructing fathers to teach their children along the way, and in everyday life, use lessons as you are walking along the road, as you are traveling together. He didn’t say that to the mothers. He told fathers to do that. That’s that teacher role that you are referring to.

You are talking about fathers as being like caretakers in a bigger sense of honor in the community, whether it be the military and how they show up there, or at work, or when about the fathers who were respected at the gate. When you think about the Proverbs 31 woman, it says her husband was respected at the gates of the city. There’s a bigger picture or bigger role in that sense.

Yet we know that, as you indicated a lot of fathers out there know that they are to be providers for the family. They understand that role. Some of them get fixated on being the rockstar financial providers and they don’t always stop. Think about, “How am I falling short as a good father if that’s the only thing I focus on is the provider role? Which is important so we don’t want to minimize it. However, if it’s the only provider role, what would you say about that?

I’d say they need to read your show because somewhere we bought this image of that’s what’s supremely important. I think that men who are fathers need to understand that there’s more to it and that there’s a balanced approach. You can’t provide at the sacrifice of the relationship with your children. If all of your life and time is at the office, on the golf course, or traveling to meetings, then something is out of whack, and there’s a heavy price to pay for that down the road. That’s the other thing for all of us, there’s a tendency to not pay attention to things sometimes when the price that we pay is delayed. We don’t see it, we don’t see the consequences right away, and that gives us a false sense of security.

[bctt tweet=”You can’t provide at the sacrifice of the relationship with your children.” via=”no”]

Sometimes men even think, “I’m going to do it for now, but after I get to this level, then I will have more time,” and then they get to that level. “After I get to this, then I will have more.” There’s always this pushing out, when I will get to it and all this while, there have been children not being fathered even though they may be provided for well. It’s a conversation that needs to be had much more often, particularly in this space with executive men who may be achieving all kinds of success in the workplace but need to ask themselves, are they rock stars at home? What does that look like?

I hear you extending a broader invitation to a broader definition of provider. There’s financial provision, but there are also providers in all these other ways that we are talking about. Whether it’s leadership, acceptance of the child’s direction in the child’s life, or whatever, if the father’s absent on those pieces of the definition of provision, he’s not being a provider. He’s only providing a narrow sliver or segment of what God intends. Inviting men to think about the broader definition of provider is probably helpful in terms of the conversation that we are having.

I agree, and I also think that it would resonate with them more, and that’s important. It’s being able to speak the language of the hero to connect wherever they are in terms of where they are in their journey, and what this looks like but if they are willing to ask the questions, then they will get there. They will be able to identify gaps and see where “Now that you mention it.” I haven’t been doing that type of thing.

That’s an important point you made about speaking the language of the men. Men understand being providers, and if we can talk about these issues in that language, that’s probably going to have more traction than talking about nurturing, caretaking, or things that are maybe not naturally a part of their lexicon in terms of the role. Yet everything we are talking about is about being a provider, and so that’s a very important point to mention.

We know that the workplace is a strong competitor for relationships on the home front, particularly for men who are in executive leadership. His responsibilities are huge. They are legendary. He’s got a whole company that he might be the president or the CEO of a lot of work, a lot of responsibility. There’s also immediate feedback often in the workplace for success.

Prioritizing The Father Role Despite The Demands Of Executive Life

They can measure their success by financial indicators. They can measure their success by promotions and so many other things. Given that competing interest, if you will, for an executive man, how does an executive man prioritize the father role more than this successful businessman role when the rewards are so high on the successful businessman side? You already said sometimes the downstream implications take a while to be realized on the family side.

Sometimes it’s interesting to me because those same men will be very strategic about how they approach business success. If they use some of those same tools and tendencies being strategic, being intentional I hear that from a lot of male executives, talking about the importance of intentionality. It is very true in business, but it is also true in relationships. I also think that sometimes there’s confusion about time spent. They are worried that, they say, “I don’t have time,” and most of the time, children are not nearly as focused on how much time but on the quality of the time.

If you intentionally decide to once a week have a special breakfast with one child and another day of the week do whatever that child wants to do ice cream after school or whatever. You’d be amazed at how a 30-minute interaction that’s designed around that child’s interests and needs would fill that child in a way that buying them all the gaming equipment in the world will not do. There’s a benefit analysis that needs to be done that if they would approach it like that and look at the ROI on this, it is so much higher than what they understand.

I love what you are saying because you are saying that the same way that they approach their business in a strategic fashion and think about and plan out how they want to show up over a quarter or a year, bringing those same tools to the family how important that is, and understanding that there is an ROI on that investment. That is huge. Thank you for saying it in that way so that fathers can use what they already know how to do in the family situation and start to see some of the results.

In my early childhood, there were a lot of things I could say, but I will say this. Even as I got older and I was in high school, and I’m the oldest of four children, we curated times when I would take the bus, go down to his workplace, and he would take me out to lunch. We continued that all through my college years. Whenever I’d come home, those are things that we did, and those special times are still meaningful to me. We still talk about it, and that was years ago. It’s a long time ago. What you are saying is important. Those deposits, matter. They make a difference.

What you said is interesting because there’s the other side. It’s not what the child gets out of it, it’s what he will get out of it. It wasn’t important for you, it was important for your father too. He recognized that value, and it’s a memory that he likes to resurface because it meant something to him too. Men who would invest that time and create those special situations with each child would find a richness there that they haven’t tasted before and would probably get an appetite for it when they find it.

[bctt tweet=”Men who would invest that time and create those special situations with each child would find a richness there that they haven’t tasted before.” via=”no”]

Amen to that because we know God doesn’t work in one direction. He works in both directions at the same time for the mutual benefit of those who are participating in the relationship. Let’s add another piece. Fathers who are in the workplace and who have been wounded themselves when they were younger and growing up. How does this impact the fathering of their children now?

That’s probably what I see the most, and it’s sometimes the hardest to get to because men opening up about their father relationships can be challenging. It’s often not something they are taught to do. It’s often not something that’s considered. They almost associate it with a disability or something, or if it’s serious enough that I have to talk about it with somebody, then that’s a melody. That’s part of the problem getting them to talk about it because if they don’t talk about it, a lot of times, even if they are aware there’s a problem, they are not aware that it’s affecting their relationship with their children.

Many men can talk to me about troubles that they have had in their father relationships with their fathers but don’t see how that’s playing out in their relationships with their children. They don’t see the connection because they are not trying to repeat it. They don’t understand that often they are repeating because that’s simply what they have been around for decades.

That’s what they have seen, that’s what they have known, and don’t understand that it takes work to then get free from that so that you can pass something else on, pass something different on. That’s the hardest part. It’s getting them into the conversation to see that there is a direct correlation. Whether you see the implications right now or not, I promise you that there’s a correlation because we all pour out of what we have poured into us.

We have been reframing things all along, and so let me say this one of the reframes perhaps that we are bringing to this piece of the conversation is rather than thinking about it as disability for the man, think about it as his continuous education in life, the continual learning cycle, and adding to his wisdom and fund of knowledge as he goes along.

You can be great at something, and you can also get better at whatever it is. You don’t even have to be deficient in order to “get better.” Having a lens like that could be helpful rather than saying, “If I’m working on this, it means that I’m in deficit mode,” and that’s not necessarily true. You may be trying to get to the rockstar level in the family like you are in the business world. That’s one way perhaps to think about it.

Hungry For Wholeness: A Book And Workshop For Healing Father Wounds

In our time remaining, I know you have some profound tools. You have your book, which you and your father wrote together, and I want to hear a little bit about that and what that collaboration was like. You also have a virtual course Hungry for Wholeness that will help people to get this continual education and step up to the next level. Tell us about these tools, and how they resource people.

Hungry for Wholeness is a book that I started with the story of me and my dad. We found out, one of the things I discovered when I met him is that we write alike. That was fascinating, and so we thought that we would tell our story of reunion from each other’s perspectives, and that’s at the beginning, that’s all it was going to be but I had a professor who suggested that we get some other people’s stories and make it a book. It took a decade, but eventually, I did that and it was good. I got a chance to tell stories of people who had other kinds of experiences to widen the spectrum. It also points to everybody needing to come to know God as their heavenly Father and embracing that relationship to help bring them wholeness. That’s where Hungry for Wholeness comes from.

I also discovered, as I started doing conferences and sharing with people, that people needed more personal attention around this that a conference presentation wasn’t going to get it, and people wanted more and were asking me for more. I ended up developing a workshop where I walked through some things. There are three steps that I take people through recognizing, repenting, and releasing, and then receiving. I walk them through a journey to jumpstart a healing process for them.

I’m very clear about the fact that it is a process, it’s not an event. It’s not going to happen in two and a half hours, but I can get you started, I can get you going, and I have also created a twelve-week companion diary to help them follow up in that process after they leave. That’s how we have come to that, and those tools can be helpful for they have been helpful for fathers, they have been helpful for adult children, whether male or female.

How would people get a hold of the book and also the invitation to the virtual workshop?

My website is Well Fed Resources. On the healing page, you can do both. You can order the book and sign up for the workshop, but the book and the companion diary are also available on Amazon.

Lots of ways to get in touch and get engaged. You are still speaking on the subject of father-child relationships. If someone has a conference or a corporate event and they want to have you as a keynote speaker, that’s something you also do.

I do that as well, and again, there’s contact on every page of my website, so it’s very easy to reach out to me and I would be happy, and delighted to talk about those opportunities.

Thank you, Giji. Your wealth of information, inspiration, and also healing for people to jumpstart their journey as they go along. As you think back over the people who have benefited from a workshop that you’ve done, what’s a brief example, no names or whatever, of someone who has gotten a transformation or an impact from participating?

One of the interesting things is, sometimes when I go speak, I’m thinking that I’m going to go in one direction, talking about this father-child relationship thing, and then sometimes I get an impression that this audience needs a slight twist. I was speaking to a younger audience, young adults, and thought that I was going to be focusing on their father-child relationship, but there were a number of young men in the room and I had a sense to ask them, “How many are fathers?”

At first, they had not been very open, but when I asked them how many were fathers, most of the room raised their hand. I pivoted and started talking to them as fathers, as opposed to sons, and the engagement increased. Several of them, just opened up things for them that they had never considered about their own fathering experience.

There was this real desire to get it right, and they had no idea that all these things were a part of fathering and hadn’t considered where they might need help or even that this was something that could have a long-term impact. That was exciting to see. It’s the awareness that healing is even needed that brings me great joy, and when I see that when I can get people to see, “This is something I needed to understand to see how to move my way forward,” that’s the heart of what I like to do.

It’s beautiful that you are catching them in the early stage of their fathering experience so that they have an opportunity to impact their children in a different way. That’s divine right there. That’s what I would say. As we are wrapping up, what are your additional and final words of wisdom that you would like to share with my community of corporate executives?

It’s important for them to be open to reframing their home life in the same way, some of the same terms, some of the same metrics that they used to frame being successful in business, and that would go a long way to helping them improve in their fathering journeys and bring great benefit to both themselves and their children.

That’s wonderful and one of the things about that is you are acknowledging the strengths, talents, and gifts that they already are bringing to the table and that they are leveraging heavily in one arena or they wouldn’t be successful executives, and you are saying, “Let’s use that over here too.” That’s a wonderful thing. I appreciate that. Thank you so much for being with me and having this conversation about father-child relationships and their impact on business executives.

Thank you so much. This was delightful. I was glad to have the conversation. It’s much needed in this space, and so thank you to an audience that would read this context.

Amen to that, and so we will close with a final Bible verse, which comes from Ephesians 6:4, which says, “You fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Fathers, go forward as the warriors that you are. Teach your children, love your children unconditionally, and be the father that God is calling you to be, and we’ll see you next time.

[bctt tweet=”Fathers, go forward as the warriors that you are. Teach your children, love your children unconditionally, and be the father that God is calling you to be” via=”no”]

I’m here with Terence Chatmon, the president and CEO of the nonprofit organization Victorious Family. They are committed to family, discipleship, and transformation. Thank you for being here. Terrence, tell us about your big goal, and what it is that you are going for at Victorious Family.

By 2030, we see reaching 9.2 million families here in the US.

You are reaching these families because you want to see children grow up and truly continue their faith in Christ. Tell us about one of your resources. Do your children believe the book you’ve written?

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” We are being faithful to that calling. In order to do that, we train coaches, and we provide workshops and content to train parents on how to disciple their children.

How can people find out more about the ministry and the other tools and resources you have available, and also how they can donate to support the ministry?

One of those two is Do Your Children Believe?, a book that we have published by Thomas Nelson and you can find that at Victorious Family.

If you want your family to be victorious, go to Victorious Family.

 

Important Links

 

 

January 22, 2024

Pat D’Amico: How To See And Appreciate The Whole Person At Work (Episode # 460)

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Pat D’Amico | Whole Person

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Pat D’Amico | Whole Person

 

Pat D’Amico, Founder and CEO of About-Face Development, brings over 30 years of experience in the Fortune 500 medical device and pharmaceutical industries, having worked with renowned companies like Johnson & Johnson and Medtronic, as well as startups. His diverse roles have spanned sales, commercial operations, recruiting, marketing, and training, including achievements such as being a four-time President’s Club winner. Pat’s expertise lies in designing and launching new departments within large organizations.

Beyond his corporate success, Pat’s leadership journey includes serving in the US Army as both an enlisted soldier and a commissioned officer, earning him recognition for his leadership in combat and humanitarian operations.

Pat holds an MS in Education (Instructional Design) and a BA in World Politics. He is also a member of the Entrepreneur Leadership Council. In today’s episode, he shares his unique “whole person” approach to leadership with Dr. Karen, discussing how to motivate employees, retain top talent, and navigate the challenges of ego-driven leadership.

Contact Pat D’Amico at:

Listen to the podcast here

 

Pat D’Amico: How To See And Appreciate The Whole Person At Work (Episode # 460)

Did you know that your unique background of life and leadership experiences prepare you for our complex world of executive leadership decisions? My guest has multiple lenses through which to view leadership opportunities and dilemmas, and to provide value to his C-suite clients. Pat D’Amico is the Founder and CEO of About-Face Development, and he is a Senior Performance Consultant for Matrix Achievement Group.

With more than 30 years of experience in the Fortune 500 medical device and pharmaceutical industries, he’s worked for Johnson & Johnson, Medtronic and startups. Pat’s roles have included sales, commercial operations, recruiting, marketing and training. As a sales manager, Pat was a four-time President’s Club winner. His specialty is designing and launching new departments, even within large established organizations.

Pat’s leadership experience also includes serving as both an enlisted soldier and a commissioned officer of the US Army. After his commissioning as an officer, he served overseas, leading soldiers in Panama, Cuba, and the Middle East. He received numerous recognitions for his leadership in combat and humanitarian operations. With strategic roles spanning Fortune 50 companies to startups, Pat’s cross-functional and cross-business experience provides him with a unique perspective on what makes individuals and organizations commercially successful.

Focused on leadership and management development, he now serves as an Executive Coach to C-suite leaders. Pat holds an MS in Education, specifically in Instructional Design, a BA in World Politics, and an Executive Coaching Certification from the UC Berkeley Executive Education and Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute. He is a frequent speaker and author on topics related to learning and development and leadership, and is a member of the Entrepreneur Leadership Council. Pat, welcome to the show.

Thanks, Dr. Karen. It’s wonderful to be here. Thank you for that amazing introduction. Who’s that guy?

We’re going to find out a little bit about that guy. Pat, I’m so delighted to have you here. As I said, you have multiple lenses through which you look at leadership, and I want to start with your corporate lens and ask you about your career in the pharmaceutical and medical device industries. Tell us a little bit about some of the significant roles you’ve had, and most importantly, the impact that you’ve had in the organizations where you served.

A Non-Traditional Career Path In The Pharmaceutical And Medical Device Industries

Thanks Dr. Karen, and you did such a wonderful job of the introduction, so I appreciate that. I’ve had a pretty non-traditional, I think, career having spent 30 years in the medical device and pharmaceutical or what we refer to as the life sciences area. The reality is that typically, you’ll see folks in the commercial space either do a sales leadership path, maybe do a little bit in marketing, maybe do something in sales training. I’ve really had a career that’s afforded me the opportunity to have many different roles. I’ve spent quite a bit of time in the area of sales operations. Pretty early in my career as a director of sales operations, that was a new department, which is another really keystone of my career, which has been super fortunate.

Over half of my roles have been newly created. I’ve had an opportunity to build these new departments within organizations. Early on, I built a sales operations department at J&J for one of the medical device companies when we transitioned and expanded the organization. That was a fun role to really bring on new, younger experienced folks to build that department. That’s one role that I recall back to. Probably one of my most fortunate was when I received a call also early in my career that Johnson & Johnson at the time had centralized recruiting for all functions except for sales. Someone reached out to me and said, “We’re looking to maybe try this out and centralized recruiting for sales in the US. Would you be interested? We will give you money for six months and if it works, great, and if it doesn’t, you’re going to have to find another job in J&J.”

I was up to the challenge. That was a great experience. I formed this sales recruiting department centralized for J&J in New Brunswick, New Jersey. We supplied candidates for all three sectors, so pharmaceutical devices as well as consumers. It was a really interesting role to build a new department, with recruiters all over the country. We had initially lost a lot of money. I always like to say we lost $1 million in our first year but became profitable in year two. That was a positive. That was an interesting role.

I left J&J and my reason for leaving J&J was to take a job as a VP of commercial operations for a startup. That was one of the roles in my career that I really learned the most about the corporate environment because when you work for a startup, you wear a lot of different hats. I was responsible for meetings and conventions, for training, for corporate accounts. That was a role that really, I think, significantly expanded my experience in the sector. Eventually, that organization was purchased by Medtronic and I spent my last eight years there.

Primarily, at that point in my career, I had really begun to focus solely on learning and development. I originally transitioned the startup into the organization and then, during a restructuring of Medtronic, where they took all of the operating companies within the cardiovascular group, put them into one. I assumed, again, a new role there that had not existed, where we were responsible for providing skills training to North, South and Central America. It was a pretty big job, really interesting, and very satisfying because, again, it was new. I was able to set things up, do some trial and error, see what worked and expand the group. Those are just a few examples over the last 30 years.

Navigating Organizational Politics And Understanding Stakeholder Needs

Thank you for describing that journey over the last 30 years. I want to unpack a few of the items that you talked about. We said earlier that one of your secret powers, if you will, or superpowers, is starting new operations within, let’s say a bigger rubric or operation. You described one where if it didn’t work, you’d have to find a new job. Tell us a little bit, Pat, what’s important in doing a startup? Particularly in an already existing corporate business, what are some of the skills you have to have? What do you have to do, what do you have to learn to be successful?

That’s a great question I hadn’t thought about. The first thing that comes to mind, Dr. Karen, is a term that J&J used to use, which I’ve continued to use, which is organizational savvy. Political astuteness also means the same thing that is often used and it’s really understanding how to maneuver within a large corporate organization like Johnson & Johnson. A lot of processes were established. There were a lot of things that were being done. You’re trying to start a department, which more or less is moving work that was being done somehow else and moving it within. One of the challenges with this particular role was recruiting and finding candidates was being done externally. Sales managers were going to external sources to identify candidates.

The first thing is you really have to convince these folks that you can provide the types of candidates, the quality of candidates that they’re looking for. Understanding the market, doing enough research to really ascertain where do we find these great candidates and how are our competition, which was external recruiters doing that. It also resulted in a lot of partnerships with external recruiters as well. Can we negotiate contracts that are more favorable than what we’re currently getting so that we can support the department financially, but also meet the needs of the hiring managers? Those were some of the things in that particular role that was interesting.

One of the funny parts of that is I was living in the South at the time where I had lived for a long time. I was originally from the North. I had been living in the South for years and I was looking to get back to a little closer to home. Part of this decision was they came to me and said, “We’ll move you and at least if this doesn’t work, you could try to find another job up here because you’ll already be located back in the North.” That was part of the reason that I took the role as well, or that it seemed interesting. Back to your original question, I think that understanding how to maneuver within the organization, who are the folks with influence and how do you get early wins with folks that have influence, which I think applies in so many different areas.

I think this is a really huge conversation, by the way, and an important one, the whole idea about organizational politics and the whole notion of influence. Part of influence, and you mentioned it, is really understanding what that partner or stakeholder is really looking for and what they want, and then being able to show them how you can deliver on that. Say a little bit more about what does it take to really influence people and to be a good partner.

That’s a great question because in my role now as a consultant, I often will say, folks come to me and they’ll tell me what they think the gap is. About 50% of the time, they’re right. That’s probably pretty accurate. The first thing is you want to understand from those stakeholders what do you think your concerns are and what it is you’re trying to accomplish. Really, the expertise that you bring, at least for me as a consultant, the expertise that I bring is my ability to dig in, to ask the right questions, talk to the right people, talk to the influencers, and find out what are the actual gaps.

Usually, there’s some connection to what you’re initially hearing, but inevitably, you need to be able to come back and you need to be able to communicate in a way that makes them feel comfortable that yes, what you shared with me as some of your concerns and your goals are valid, and here’s how we’re going to try to meet that. While at the same time, also understanding the other things that you uncovered and ensuring that those are included as well. You do address the larger problem, which what they shared with you initially may only be a piece of.

What you’re talking about right now is really important. The importance of questions, the importance of going deeper to get to the discovery and so that they can see, “That’s the value add of bringing Pat into the picture because we’re going to see what we didn’t see before. We already know what we know and there’s more we need to know,” if you will. That’s what I hear you talking about, Pat.

You raise a really good point here, which is that in my role as a consultant, and I think for all of us when we’re looking at this, what’s the expertise we bring? We need to be very aware of what that expertise is. You also said asking questions. When I’m facilitating groups, they get really tired of that. I always say, “What’s that three-letter word? Ask is that three three-letter word.” Great leaders, and great consultants speak half as much as they allow other people to do. They ask a lot of questions, they try to determine and try to understand whether it’s their customer’s needs, whether that’s internal or external. Really understanding what it is that they’re trying to get at and making sure you understand what they’re hoping to accomplish. You just can’t be successful without understanding their need. Really making sure you’re satisfying that need.

Let me ask this. When you think about the whole of your corporate experience, and we’re still talking about that, what are some additional key lessons that you learned from your corporate life that you now apply to your consulting world? Of course, one of them is how to ask these questions, how to develop the relationships and communicate with people, listen and so on. What else would you say you learned in Corporate America that you use now?

All organizations have their demons, and they all think that they’re the ones that have them. I think that one of the most valuable things, when you’re working with corporations, is to help them understand they’re not the only ones facing the challenges they’re facing. Very often, they think that’s the case when the reality is that’s very seldom, if ever the case. The challenges are common and they’re common at different points in time. The challenges that I was facing in the corporate environment 15 or 20 years ago are slightly different than some of the challenges we’re facing, but the challenges being faced are also being faced by everyone.

[bctt tweet=”All organizations have their demons, and they all think they’re the only ones that have.” via=”no”]

Once you understand that and once you have experience with helping address those, you become extremely valuable to organizations. I think you just mentioned it. One of the things I look at is I look at it and think to myself if an organization is facing a challenge and with the work I do, the chances are I’ve helped other organizations address the same challenges, there are answers out there. They’re not esoteric, they’re not, “We’re never going to find it.” The answers are out there. I think the key is you have to be working with, either internally or externally, the folks that have those answers.

The Impact Of Poor Leadership And Lack Of Development Opportunities

I love that because, again, going back to the whole notion of multiple lenses, because you’re out there in multiple places, you’re bringing expertise and lenses from multiple places that can help your clients as well. While we’re talking about the source of challenges that organizations are facing, let me ask this. What do you think are some of the primary issues that organizations face nowadays? Particularly some of the reasons may for some competencies and leadership that are lacking right now. How would you talk about that?

I really believe one of the biggest leadership challenges nowadays is turnover because I think undesirable turnover, losing people you don’t want to lose, is absolutely the result of poor leadership and management competency. We know this to be true. There’s plenty of research. There’s no doubts on that topic. I think organizations need to be honest with themselves and ask themselves what does their leadership competency look like and how is it negatively impacting the organization?

[bctt tweet=”Undesirable turnover, losing people you don’t want to lose, is absolutely the result of poor leadership and management competency.” via=”no”]

There is a war for talent that is real. Keeping folks is becoming one of the biggest challenges they face. I think, Dr. Karen, we’ve lived through that time period where we thought giving our employees more perks would keep them. I think we’ve learned that that’s not the case. I think we’re past that now. We’re back to, in my opinion, the original question, which is why do we lose good people? I think it’s because of poor leadership. There’s tons of research to show us that that’s the case.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I know that you have some particular insights about what the literature actually shows on this very topic of why people leave and how that literature and information can inform the leadership development processes that people use in their company. What are some examples of what does poor leadership look like and how can people fix it?

First, on the data, because I think there’s an interesting thing changed that’s happened. Let’s be honest, during the Industrial Revolution, people left jobs for their own personal safety. My grandparents worked at the steel plant and, they worried about their physical safety. After that, the number one reason people have left jobs is their immediate manager. That’s always been the case. In fact, it’s been so much the case that it’s never even been worth talking about, the number two reason. However, a few years ago, we started to see the number two reason moving up, not going to overtake number one, but the number two reason people leave jobs is a lack of development. I think those two go hand in hand. If you are not developing your leaders, then you’re going to lose good people.

Ironically, not developing people is the second most common reason that folks are leaving organizations. I think you have to look at that and understand from a data perspective. Let’s admit, if we have good people leave, we’re losing them. Not because we’re not paying them enough and not because we’re not giving them enough perks.

We’re losing them because they’re immediate manager that they work for does not understand them, does not understand their motivations, does not understand what gets them out of bed every morning and what makes them want to go do that job. That’s really the biggest thing, in my opinion, that just we have to address because there’s such an incredible lack of leadership and management development across all sectors. I work primarily in life sciences, but really it’s impacting everyone. It’s pretty incredible how much it lacks in organizations.

That’s really a very good point. One of the things that I’ve observed is that with the younger generations that are in the workplace, not the Baby Boomers, this expectation for development is particularly high and particularly strong. When it’s there, it’s an almost an inoculation, if you will, against those people jumping ship prematurely.

It is. Here’s a question for you. Do you sometimes get the impression in organizations that the leadership thinks when they hear lack of development, that they think that people want to get promoted too fast? Have you heard that?

I have heard that. I think they are missing a whole segment of possibilities in between. It’s not the promotion per se. It’s the building blocks that lead up to the promotion.

I wholeheartedly agree because a lot of times, when I share that answer of a lack of development, right away, someone or people in the room will say, “They want to get promoted too quickly.” No, I’m not going to say that may not be a separate challenge, but it is not one and the same with wanting to be developed. You need to have these processes in place. I was wondering if you’d heard the same thing because it always blows my mind and I’m like, “No, those are two very different things.”

When organizations confuse that, the promotion, if it comes too early, can also be a barrier because a person may not feel ready for it. They may feel like they don’t have support. They don’t have the development that they need to be to show up well in the promotion. The development piece is crucial even to success in the promotion is what I find.

I will tell you that there’s an epidemic, not that this is new because I’ve been seeing it for many years. Organizations just have such a habit of promoting people. To say they’re not ready is a complete understatement. The reality is, “You’ve been a good individual contributor, so here you go. We’re going to promote you, figure it out, ask some peers.” To your point, it really sets people up for failure. You want them to be prepared enough to be marginally competent and marginally confident in their skills to actually lead others, but I just see so little of it.

A Holistic Approach To Leadership And Understanding Employee Motivation

That’s definitely an opportunity in the workplace so that companies can find themselves in the position where they are a preferred employer because they’re providing what others don’t provide. I do think you’re onto something when you talk about developing people in the workplace. Let me change gears a little bit, and I want to dial back to your military experience and the time that you were in the Army. Tell us a little bit about what you did there, the impact you had in the Army, and what you learned from that.

The military really changed my life, Dr. Karen. I was not a great academic high school student, although I had had some leadership opportunities. When I was getting ready to go to college and my parents didn’t have any money to send me and I didn’t have grades to pay for it, the Army looked like it was a great avenue for me to fund college. I enlisted in the Army and then was given a two-year scholarship. I went to Valley Forge Military Academy and it was there that my whole life really changed. I matured, but most importantly, I was given an opportunity to lead in my second year there a company of around 140 young men. At the time, it wasn’t co-ed. Fortunately, it is now. I had an opportunity to lead 140 young men and really learn a lot and make a lot of mistakes.

Having that opportunity at that young in age really gave me exposure to myself and what I really enjoyed, helping other people succeed, helping other people develop their leadership. At the same time, I was developing my own. I was young, I was eighteen years old at the time. That really had an impact on me, and it was really that experience that led to my active duty in the Army. I served in Panama after the invasion there and did law enforcement support for Panama City, which was really interesting work. I went to Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I also did some humanitarian missions for the Haitian migrants. I was stationed in Cuba for a while. That entire experience from a leadership perspective, what it really showed me was, and I think we may get into this because I think we’re missing this now, is that you were responsible.

I was responsible for the whole person. It wasn’t just their life at work, which we never referred to it as work. How they were performing their duties was my responsibility to coach them on. If they bounced a check at the post exchange, I got a phone call to go sit down with them and maybe their spouse. If they were having personal issues, it wasn’t unusual for me to go over and talk and see. It was this holistic approach to your employees and understanding that work was only a part of it but understanding that whole human was really critical.

I think it’s something we’ve lost now, and I’m a big proponent of it. Understanding what really motivates this person in their life because don’t tell me it’s money because I can almost guarantee you, it’s not. Every individual’s motivated by different things. Understanding that at the outset helps you get not everything out of them for work, but helps you as a leader so you’re giving them and finding ways to give them what it is that satisfies their needs.

The Importance Of Empathy And Flexibility In A Post-Pandemic Workplace

You’re talking about a couple of things I think are really important. You’re talking about what motivates people, which we were also talking about from your corporate experience and what you learned there. In addition, you’re also talking about what other factors influence a person and their success at work and their choices. When I think about the military, it took a while for the military to realize that understanding what was of interest to the spouse affected the soldier, as an example.

When you unpack this part about what are those other influences, think about coming out of this post-pandemic time period that we’re in and where people are facing all kinds of challenges and issues they may have close relatives who are ill, people may be dying, all kinds of things may be going on. What does that workplace need to think about in ‘s time that’s beyond just the day-to-day work that is more holistic about people?

I think it starts with empathy. I think that understanding, having your leaders in your organization, those that lead the organization, understanding the importance of empathy, appreciating what that person is going through or been through, and the pandemic’s a great example. We could all probably give numerous examples, both work, and frankly, in our own personal lives. We all grappled with and maybe reacted to the pandemic differently and we’re impacted by it differently. Understanding what folks are dealing with, what their concerns are, how it changed their lives. I think the easy one is to look and go, “Everybody wants to work at home now.”

The reality is that’s a challenge everybody’s facing. I work with a lot of commercial organizations who have salespeople. Think about that a second. We’ve gone from a place where the pandemic now results in most people preferring to work remotely all the time and I’m working with organizations who essentially need to find people willing to work outside the home all the time. Maybe not in an office. We tend to think, “Office or home?” There’s a whole other area of people working out there who actually have to go places and meet with people every day. At the same time, because of the pandemic, that’s gotten a little bit tougher to see folks. Understanding what motivates individuals and how you can satisfy their needs because somebody may believe, “I want to be at home and I want to work remotely. I don’t want to be in an office.” What is it about being at home that you really enjoy?

Is it simply the flexibility? We can offer you that same flexibility. It’s not an all-or-nothing. I think right now, we’re struggling a little bit with this notion of, “People just don’t want to go to the office.” No, let’s understand what it is they enjoy about it. Maybe it’s the flexibility. Maybe it’s the fear. Maybe some people are actually still a little apprehensive. Some folks just got very used to being alone. They need a little bit of encouragement to go back. There are so many different things that play in here and I always hate the discussions of like, “It’s this or this,” or all or nothing. It’s never all or nothing. Life is all about compromise. As leaders in this organization, to be successful, we compromise with our customers. We need to compromise with our employees.

[bctt tweet=”It’s never all or nothing. It’s all about compromise.” via=”no”]

Maybe one word I sometimes use is really about finding the solution that’s not obvious where really there’s a win-win that’s possible both for the organization and also for the employee. I’m thinking back to your experience with J&J when it’s like, “You’re in the South and you’re working on this new project and it’s with the possibility that you could move back up North where you want to be.” That was paying attention to something that was important to you. What you’re saying is the organizations need to listen a little more deeply to find out what their employees really want. What is it about working from home that’s the real draw? Maybe in these other solutions, they can add that element in.

It ebbs and flows. In the early ‘90s when I first entered the industry, it was a tough job market for the job seeker. Corporations were doing really well. They had the pick of the litter. I remember when I joined J&J and I went through the leadership development program, I remember them saying to me, “Here’s the deal. Your first offer for promotion you can say no to, but you can’t say no to your second.” The message was, “That first location, you better really not want to go there because wherever the second location is, you’re going.” I remember that sticking with me thinking, “You don’t have any idea where that second location’s going to be if you say no. We used to say you had to be blindly relocatable. That was the term we used.

If you wanted to get promoted, you had to be blindly relocatable. I think we abused that to a significant extent. I think we learned that years later when the market became a job seeker’s market and people were like, “Now I don’t think I’m going to go there,” or, “No, I don’t want to go there. I need a better location.” I think you have to be fair. It’s a give and a take. It’s a compromise. I was in the South, I was ready to get promoted and I assumed I would have the ability to go anywhere that was open. My boss came to me and said, “Here are your four potential places you’re going to end up.” I’m like, “That’s it? Those are my choices?” It worked out. I often say I think we abused employees then, and what goes around comes around

I think what the option is now, and this is what you’re talking about, is to really be in more partnership even with the employees, to talk about a greater panoply of possibilities and options that are out there so that they’re part of the decision-making equation at a greater level. Therefore they feel like, “Okay, I’m going to New Jersey and that’s where I want to be,” as opposed to, “No, I did not want to be in South Africa,” or wherever.

You want both parties to feel good. Now you mentioned that you’ve seen a lot of this. You said something interesting. You didn’t use the word unique, but other options. What have you seen that have been unique in the standpoint of how to meet an employee’s need?

I think it’s exactly the optics you’ve been talking about. To have in your mind that you want to meet the employee’s need so that the corporation benefits and the employee benefits. Where in the Venn diagram do the circles overlap in terms of what motivates them, what’s meaningful to them in terms of the work that they do, and how they are showing up and finding the sweet spot that works for the whole system?

I have seen companies really create powerful examples of the future that they didn’t come to the table with originally and that the employee didn’t come to the table with originally, but it’s because they engaged each other, they talked about it and they understood what the other needed. They created what I call the third solution, which was something that was a win-win. Yeah, absolutely. For sure, I think your notion of thinking of the employee in a holistic way is very relevant in today’s times.

Going back when you asked me the question of the military, that’s one of the greatest things I picked up when I moved to the corporate sector. It’s an understanding that yes, this person is an employee, but they’re a human being and there’s a lot of other things playing into what’s motivating them. When an employee is not performing, to me, it’s never a question of bringing them in and hammering them and reminding them of what they already know.

If they’ve been a good performer, the question is, “What’s going on? What’s happening with you? What can I help with? What are the barriers?” I often tell leaders, “If you want your people to succeed, even your top performers, ask them the question, ‘What barriers can I remove for you? What is getting in your way?’” The reality is I can’t do their job, but I need them to do their job for me to be successful as a leader. Sometimes the best thing I can do is help them remove things that are preventing them from being successful.

[bctt tweet=”If you want your people to succeed, even your top performers, ask them the question, ‘What barriers can I remove for you? What is getting in your way?’ ” via=”no”]

I love two things you just said right now. One is be curious about what the person’s experience is and what’s going on. Number two, figure out how you can facilitate their success. That might mean removing something that’s an impediment. That’s really powerful in terms of how to be more holistic in thinking about the employee as a whole person and not just what I would call an interchangeable cog in the wheel. I think that thinking is what has really adversely affected some employers in today’s world.

I would agree. On that first topic, because I see this so often. If you take two employees, one here and one here, and they look the same on paper. Let’s say they’re same years of experience in the industry, they’ve generally had the same roles. Many leaders tend to look at them and assume, “When I give a task to the team, those two are going to have the same experience and know how to do that.” Nothing can be further from the truth. You go into concepts like situational leadership, which I do like. It’s a little complicated, I think, as the rubber hits the road. What I do like to tell people is, when you assign a task, you need to ask each individual, “What’s your experience with this task?”

It’s not going to line up like you think it will. Those that have X amount of experience are both going to those two people are going to have the same. Very unlikely it doesn’t happen. As an example, I was working with two vice presidents of sales. On paper, they looked somewhat identical. In the industry in the same time, but in the same type of roles. It was coming to around that time of the year where the realignment of this sales force were happening.

I spoke to the first one and it was a very brief discussion. She said, “I’ve got to go through realignment. We’re doing this. We’re doing that.” It was very clear to me that she knew exactly what was going on. I get on the phone to coach the other one, and I wrongly was just under the assumption, based on the conversation I’d had with the other leader a couple of days before, and they were similar, that he would have the same experience.

We reached a point during the discussion where I sensed something and I said to him, I said, “I’m sensing you’re a little apprehensive about this realignment.” At that point, he opened up. He goes the reality is, “I’ve never been responsible for a realignment.” In my mind, Dr. Karen, I’m like, “How is that possible? How did they get to this point?” I mean at much lower levels. I said, “That’s very interesting.” He went through an explanation and said, “I’ve had this role and I missed it here and I missed it here,” and it let me know that the way I coach those two people was very different. In one case, the first one, I’m just supporting her. “Is there anything that you’re challenged with?”

With the second one, I had to go back to, “Let’s talk about how this process works and what your responsibilities are.” Normally as a coach, I’m trying to get them to come up with the ideas, but the reality is, I go, “I have to take my coach hat off. Is that okay? I become an advisor here. Here are the things you need to be thinking about, here are the things to expect.” It’s a long-winded way of getting back to two people with the same background, had very different experiences with the task being assigned, so you can’t assume that those two people are going to know exactly what to do in that circumstance.

I love those examples. Thank you for giving the specific examples. It really demonstrates why the curiosity and the question asking and the real appreciation for each individual journey and looking at them as whole people helps to figure out what to do next and how to facilitate their continued success. I love the fact that you said sometimes, you may be the coach that’s bringing it out of them, and other times you have to be the advisor. You’re the consultant that says, “Here’s how this goes. Here’s what’s next.” I think we have to do both if we really are going to serve our clients in the best way. I really appreciate you mentioning those two examples as an illustration of what you’re talking about.

As an Executive Coach at Berkeley and my certification there, I’m a big proponent of their model, which is the types of roles you play as a leader. One role is a director. That’s where you’re dealing with an employee who’s never done this before. You’re going to have to tell them exactly what they need to do. The next one is an advisor, what I just described. Maybe they have some experience, maybe they have an idea or two, but you’re probably going to be trying to feed them. You probably have to feed them the right answer. The third role is the coach, where they’ve hopefully got the experience. Now you’re asking them to call on their experience and come up with the best course of action on their own.

The last is supporter, which is my example. Somebody who’s done it, they know what was expected of them. You could say, in a perfect world, that for each task, people will move through those four. At first, you tell them how to do it. The second time, maybe they have some ideas, but they don’t know exactly the third time, maybe they can figure it out. The fourth time you’re just there for them. The point being, you never know until you ask, “What’s your experience with this task? What’s your confidence with this task?” Those are the two questions I always like to ask.

Yes, and I love this because it’s really does harken back to the Hershey Blanchard Situational Leadership Model because somebody may come into a situation where they have the experience at a high level, or they may not. They may start with you further down the path on the subject because of their past experience, or they may need to start at the beginning.

A Leader’s Greatest Mistake: The Dangers Of Ego and Unrealistic Promises

Our whole task is to figure out how to be with them where they really are, not where we want to be or where we might want to start. It’s the flexibility of the consultant, it’s the flexibility of the advisor to really understand those dynamics and provide the right services. Yeah, great example. Thanks, Pat, for sharing that. We’ve been talking a lot about what has made you successful over the years, and we know that we learn a lot also from mistakes. Tell us a little bit about in your own journey. What’s been your biggest mistake?

I am a huge proponent of human nature and human research into human beings. We know that we learn more from our mistakes than our successes. We learn more from our failures. We take them more to heart, they’re more impactful. I make no bones about the greatest mistake I ever made. I was 22 years old and we were leaving after the invasion, after Iraq invaded Kuwait. We were leaving to go over to deploy to the Middle East.

I had already taken this platoon to Panama, so I was feeling pretty confident in their readiness. They had performed really well in Panama, so I was pretty confident. That morning, Dr. Karen, we we’re standing out there, it was in October. It was a cool morning in Virginia. I had my entire platoon in front of me. Behind them were all of their families, their wives, their mothers, their children, and their fathers were back there.

As I would’ve normally done, I walked to the back of the platoon. We were just about to leave, and I walked to the back of my platoon and I just said to all of them, “Please write. That means a lot to them. I’ll try to make sure they can write back as often as possible.” Dr. Karen, as I’m talking, and in that moment, I said the following, “I promise to bring your sons and fathers home alive.” I couldn’t believe those words had left my mouth. I couldn’t believe I just made a promise that I had no way to guarantee I could keep. I lived with that promise for six months, every day knowing that I had made this promise.

The real moment for me was the day the ceasefire was called, we’re sitting in a tent and we had the little radio hanging from the pole in the tent with Armed Forces Radio. They made an announcement saying a ceasefire had been called. At that moment, I was like, “This promise I shouldn’t have made, I’m going to be able to keep.” Within seconds, the ground shook. There was an explosion inside our camp.

I grabbed my helmet and my rifle, and as I was running out the door, I was like, “I can’t believe this is happening right now.” Fortunately, there were a few casualties in our battalion, but not in my particular platoon. Here’s the truth, Dr. Karen. I made that promise partially because I thought it would give some solace to these civilians, to the parents, to the kids, to the wives, because I had taken them and brought them back safely from our last deployment.

If I’m being honest with you, I did it largely out of ego. I had so much success as a leader at such a young age in my life that I had this level of confidence that really wasn’t warranted. There was a lot of what went into that. I’ll admit that now that I was overconfident as a leader. It taught me a lot. I learned from that. Never make a promise to an employee or to anyone, but I always think about this related to never make a promise that you’re not 100% sure you can keep. You can say, “I’m going to do my best to do this. I’m going to do my best to deliver this. I have your best interest in mind and I’m going to try to meet that.” Don’t ever say, “I’ll do it,” or, “I guarantee it’ll happen.” That’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. No doubt.

[bctt tweet=”Never make a promise that you’re not 100% sure you can keep.” via=”no”]

Thankfully, you ended up being able to honor that in spite of the error or the mistake.

I did. I was grateful and told myself I’ll never do that again. One of those things of like, “If you just get me out of this, God, I promise I’m not going to make that mistake again.”

It’s so powerful. I think it’s really interesting what you said about how you can promise that you will do your best. You can promise things that you have control over. In a war situation, there are factors over which no individual, company, platoon battalion or anybody has control over. There are always those other factors. You can’t speak about the unexpected that you don’t know is going to happen. That’s a very powerful example. If you were standing there with your platoon now, given what you’ve learned and you were addressing those families, what would you say?

I love those men. I really still do. Knowing what I know now, I would probably tell their families, “These men are as close as brothers to me and know that I will do everything I possibly can for them. Know that we will do everything possible for each other to keep ourselves safe.” That’s what I would say.

That’s beautiful because just knowing as a leader that you have that commitment is reassuring to a family member. In other words, you’re not going in the war saying, “These guys are expendable. I’m probably going to lose 10%, 20% and I don’t care.” That would be a different speech than to say, “They’re like brothers to me.” That has real significant meaning to someone who’s a family member and who’s listening.

Pat, you mentioned ego and that the reason you said this was because of ego. We know that in the corporate environment, there are a lot of leaders who show up with this ego, as well. What would you say to that leader, and especially having gone through this and having to live in fear, that in hopes that you didn’t lose any guys, what would you say to them about how they might need to walk in order to avoid that? I’ll say the temptation to be ego-driven.

I don’t pull any punches, Dr. Karen, as a consultant. Maybe it’s I’ve gotten older, maybe it’s just being raised in the military environment. I’m never shy about sharing with folks. I’m very upfront. I believe in telling individuals what they do well, but I will not hold back if there is an area that needs to be addressed. What I generally share with folks is an ego-driven leader can have success for a short time, but over the long-term, it’s the employee’s belief that you really care about them genuinely that’s going to make them perform and make you successful. This ties back for me, if I may, other than my father, who is my lifelong role model, my first role model work-wise was a gentleman by the name of Sergeant Major George Didi.

He actually passed away a couple years ago. He was at Valley Forge Military Academy. He taught me what I have held as the most important leadership lessons. Now, maybe it was because they were the early ones, but his number three that I learned from him really has driven my entire career. The first two are pretty simple. First one was, don’t mess with people’s pay.

Of course, he didn’t use the word mess because it was the old army, but we’ll paraphrase. He used to say, “Fix people’s pay. If there’s a pay problem, fix it yesterday.” Meaning, people work for money and you got to get that taken care of. His second was when people are off, let them be off. Make sure they know that they don’t have to be doing work. People need time off. They need time to decompress.

The third one, Dr. Karen, for me, is the most important one, which is if you employees truly believe you care about them and are looking out for their best interest, they will perform for you. I believe many of many who are ego-driven leaders, their whole careers, they start that way. There’s not that concern. The thought is, “If I make myself look good, if I drive people to the last inch of energy that they have, that’s going to give me the results I need to get promoted.” I tell young leaders, especially prospective leaders, one of the first things I say to them is, “If you get the greatest satisfaction out of being the one on stage, the one being recognized, the one hearing your name called, leadership may not be right for you right now and maybe never.”

[bctt tweet=”If your employees truly believe you care about them and are looking out for their best interest, they will perform for you.” via=”no”]

You’ve got to evaluate that. You have to get more jazzed. You have to be more jazzed out of watching others succeed, what you’ve helped them grow. Almost like a parent does, some people are not cut out to be parents. Not everyone is cut out to be a leader. When I see leaders with an ego, I usually let them know that in my experience, ego-driven leaders can only be successful for a short time. The truth is, people know if you really care or you don’t. If you don’t really care, you’re not going to have success for a very long time.

That is so powerful. Yes. It’s so true. I think that for leaders to think about their real job, which is facilitating the development and the leadership of other people, that’s really the key. As you do that, you will be successful along the way. It’s all a matter of emphasis and what you focus on. It’s good that you say short-term, because short-term can be a long time, but it’s not for the long-term. People won’t like working for you and there’s more they could do, which they won’t do when you’re such an ego-driven leader. Thank you for saying that and talking about a tough topic that people don’t always bring up.

If I may, one other way I get it this sometimes, if I’m looking for roundabout way, is I will ask a leader some specific questions about some of their employees. “Tell me about what do you know about their motivations. What motivates them? What do you know about what they like to do in their free time?” My experiences with ego-driven leaders, they don’t have a lot of experience. I can back into the conversation and say, “If you don’t understand that about that employee, how do you expect to motivate them to perform for you? Yes, they have a job to do and yes, you’re paying them to do the job, the organization is, but without knowing what motivates them, how are you ever going to motivate them?” Yeah, it’s an eye-opener for some people

The Value Of Community And Creating A Culture Of Care In The Workplace

Perhaps even another way of thinking about it is if what motivates them is how can you create the conditions in the corporation where they can be self-motivated and then do what they really want to do, which is also what benefits the company. I think that also puts the ball in the employee’s court to some extent, and the corporation’s facilitating the success and the development of that along the way. Pat, in the time we have remaining, and one other subject that I really want to get to, we might have to do a CliffsNotes version, but I’d really like to know more about your backstory and your family of origin and your upbringing and what you learned there that informed how you lead as well.

I was really fortunate, Dr. Karen. My parents were wonderful. My father has passed, devastating to me, a number of a handful of years ago. Mother’s still alive and very healthy, so God bless her. I grew up in a very tight-knit Italian community, which wasn’t unusual. Everybody I knew in the neighborhood was Italian and our community really centered around the Catholic church. I was raised Catholic.

That combination of the family heritage of my parents were first generation Americans, as well as the combination of the social circle that the church provided, really gave me a basis for an incredible community. I grew up in an incredible community, I guess, is what I would say. When you did something wrong, everybody knew because it didn’t matter whose parent it was, they were going to reprimand you and your parents were going to find out.

I feel really fortunate because that sense of community that I gained there, I think, carried forward for me as a leader in understanding the importance of community. I don’t think I really fully appreciated it until I was in maybe the Army or a little bit later where I realized that I started looking at leaders who had the ability. I was grateful to have that baseline of the need to create a caring community of people, really had a great downstream impact on the group as a whole because what does it do? It creates an expectation for everyone of everybody’s got to take care of everyone. It can’t always be me. I feel really fortunate that I was raised that way.

I love that because when we think about success in business, you get an organization that’s really too big for one person to do everything. The community has got to be a part of the equation and the step up, or you reach a point fairly soon when you top out on what you really can accomplish and what you can do unless the community is involved. Thank you for saying that and bringing in the lively Italian aspect to make that happen. I’m thinking about all around the table, the food, we’re eating together, we’re nurturing each other. It’s a whole culture, if you will, of how to experience one another.

It is, and that community of closeness also creates when the leader’s not there, other folks being comfortable correcting other people. They’re close enough to be able to say, “You’ve got to straighten this out. This isn’t working for everybody else.” Somebody’s not relying on just the leader to share that. I think that’s really important. It’s, again, the way I was raised.

Let me ask you, who are ideal clients for you? First of all, who are you looking for and how can they reach you to engage you for your consulting work?

Thanks for asking. An ideal client for me are, are folks who realize that they have a lack of leadership and management competency, are looking to better understand what the gaps are. I do not do consulting work that’s off the shelf. I look at every client, I do a full diagnostic, understand what are the challenges and what are the priorities? Also, get that feedback. The ideal client is somebody looking for that. Also, I do a fair amount of executive coaching. I tend to really focus, or I guess particularly from executive coaching standpoint, I work with a lot of folks who are moving from a tactical role to a strategic role.

Very often, that’s like a VP to a C-suite in some large organization, it’s a senior director to a VP where they’re used to doing tactical work and they really need to learn to focus on the strategic thinking aspect of it. That’s my area of specialty in any industry, really. The best way to reach me, thank you for asking, is by email at Pat@AboutFaceDev.com or my business number at (484) 080-500.

What are your final words of wisdom that you would like to leave for my community of corporate executives?

I think it is to be honest and ask yourself, truly ask yourself, are you losing folks because you have a lack of leadership and management competency? To be really honest and look around and say, “Have we given our leaders the tools? Have we trained them and given them the tools to be successful or do they need competency development and leadership and management? Most often, the answer is yes, and they do. Organizations really to be successful, need to make a commitment to addressing the lack of leadership and management competency if they have any hopes of truly being successful and meeting their objectives.

Thank you so much, Pat, for being with me. I appreciate you joining me on the show.

Dr. Karen, thank you. It’s been such a pleasure. Thank you so much.

Likewise. We’ll end the show with a particular Bible verse, which is from 1 Timothy 1:18. This is the Apostle Paul talking to his protégé, Timothy, and Paul often used military references. He says, “This charge, I commit to you, son Timothy, according to the prophecies previously made concerning you. That by them, you may wage the good warfare.” What is the good warfare? It’s the warfare that God is leading you to, and that he’s ordained is the place of operation that he’s chosen for you in your workplace. As you head into that journey with God, take his strategies with you. Use the gifts that he’s given you so that you show up and cause your team and your company and individuals to win.

I want to tell you a little bit about Spirit Wings Kids Foundation, a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization. It’s an organization that provides profound services for orphans and for widows and families across the globe in many ways, and especially in the country of Uganda. I’m speaking with Donna Johnson, who is the founder of Spirit Wings Kids and also a board member. Donna, tell us about some examples of the profound work that you’re doing in Uganda.

Thank you, Dr. Karen. We were just there a few weeks ago and it’s incredible. It’s more than an orphanage. We have a soccer academy that keeps the boys off the street. We have a widow’s program that matches them with children, and it’s just a thriving network of really entrepreneurs and it’s just been such a meaningful blessing to see the work that we’re doing there.

You know what, Donna, what I love about what you said just now is you’re really talking about their whole lives. You’re creating families between the widows and the children, and you’re also making sure they have recreation and something to do with the soccer academy. You’re looking at the job situation and the entrepreneurial aspect. As a businesswoman yourself who’s very successful, you’re right in line with being able to make that difference.

Thank you so much for the difference that you’re making, and I’m inviting everyone reading to go to SWKids.Foundation and donate now. A hundred percent of everything you donate goes to those people who are in need and who are receiving those services. Thank you so much for donating. Donna, thank you for this ministry.

 

Important Links

 

January 9, 2024

A God-Called Marketplace Executive: Fred Sievert, Former New York Life President (Episode # 458)

When Fred Sievert first spoke with Dr. Karen, they did a two part series about Mr. Sievert’s life as a marketplace ministry executive at New York Life and later in his retirement. God has also called and destined you for great workplace impact in His service. We share this rebroadcast to inspire you at the beginning of this new year to seek God for how He wants to work through you in your workplace and in your retirement.

To reach Fred Sievert: storiesofGodsgrace.com
Fred Sievert

January 2, 2024

Sebastian’s Song Revisited (Episode # 457)

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Sebastian | Sebastian’s Song

The Voice of Leadership (Podcast & YouTube) /Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership (TV Show and iHeart Radio) | Sebastian | Sebastian’s Song

 

Sebastian was three years old when his parents Michael and Naomi first spoke with Dr. Karen about their concerns for the life of their precious son. Sebastian is still fighting the “incurable” cancer Myoepithelial Carcinoma (MEC). We start the year with this episode to thank God for granting Sebastian another year of life. Now four years old he continues to thrive and play with his older brother Santiago. May God bless Sebastian with many more life-filled years to come. Thanks to all of you who prayed and who now pray for Sebastian.

Give to find a cure for MEC: cureMEC.org

Listen to the podcast here

 

Sebastian’s Song Revisited

What would you do if you got the news that your precious two-year-old son had a rare, aggressive, and incurable stage-four cancer? We will hear about one Albuquerque, New Mexico family’s journey after receiving such devastating news. My guests are husband and wife and the parents of now three-year-old Sebastian. We will also share the many ways you can participate and join them on their journey of hope, healing, and miracles. Michael Casaus and Naomi Natale are the proud parents of Santiago and Sebastian.

Michael is a native New Mexican and has been an environmental advocate, conservationist, ethnobotanist, and non-profit leader for over twenty years. As the Wilderness Society’s New Mexico state director, he brings diverse stakeholders together to protect the land and water that sustains our families and communities. He is committed to public service and has dedicated his career to advancing diversity, conservation, and environmental movements.

He has served on several volunteer boards including the New Mexico Environmental Law Center and the Recuerda a César Chávez Committee. He is a recipient of numerous awards and is a W.K. Kellogg Foundation Community Leadership Network fellow. He now realizes that his decades of advocacy experience have all been in the preparation for finding a cure for Sebastian’s cancer.

Naomi has over sixteen years of experience creating and directing national and international art projects that bring people together to address social issues. Naomi is the founding artist of the One Million Bones project, a social practice work in which over 150,000 people from 50 states and 30 countries created over one million handmade bones to address ongoing genocide and mass atrocities in Sudan, South Sudan, Congo, Burma, and Syria.

In June of 2013, 1,018,260 bones were installed on the National Mall in Washington DC. Naomi lectures in the US and abroad on the power of art to build community and bring people together. Naomi is a TED Global Fellow, a TED Senior Fellow, a Robert Rauschenberg Foundation’s Artist as Activist Fellow, a Carl Wilkens Fellow, and a recipient of an Arts and Healing Network Award. As you can see, they are both very well connected in the community, making a difference in the lives of other people.

Inspiration Behind The Video Of Sebastian’s Story

Before we start our conversation together, I want to first play a brief video clip. For those of you who normally listen to the audio podcast or the iHeartRadio program, you may also want to watch the YouTube or Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership television version of the show to see the beautiful family images in this video. If you’re only able to listen to the audio version, then you will hear Sebastian’s Song written by Amanda Rose Taddeo. Sebastian’s Song is part of a larger project of Healing Songs for Sebastian.

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Welcome, Michael and Naomi. You are both very special people. I’m delighted to have you as my guest on the Voice of Leadership and Dr. Karen Speaks Leadership. Thank you so much for being here with me.

Thank you so much, Dr. Karen, for having us here. It’s an honor to be with you and to have this opportunity to share our story.

It’s a pleasure to be here.

Thank you, Michael and Naomi. I want to hear your story and I want the audience to hear your story as well. Since we finished listening to the video that you created, tell us a little bit about Sebastian’s Song. How was that song born, what’s the meaning of it, and what’s the larger music project that you spawned from the special song? Tell us a little bit about that.

The day that we were given the diagnosis of Sebastian’s very rare cancer, Myoepithelial Carcinoma, we were admitted to the hospital. It’s a very rare cancer. There’s not much information and we weren’t given much information in terms of what it meant for him. However, in the next couple of days, we learned that it was metastatic, meaning it had spread to his lungs. We were told the prognosis was poor and that it was as scary as it could be. Those were the words we were given.

My background as an artist has always been to bring people together. I felt very desperate in that moment. We were in the hospital for a few days. I was thinking, “How do we share this news with people in a way that serves Sebas but can also serve others as well?” Ultimately, we were asking people to pray. I asked two friends to write and share a song for Sebas that I could first sing to his cells. I thought if I could sing to his cells, they would hear that. They would understand it as a prayer of mine.

Knowing that my voice would never be able to carry as long as we would need these prayers to continue, we asked others to then record themselves singing these songs to make a collective song of healing. It’s beautiful. We got submissions and responses from people all over the world. They’re sung in Arabic, French, Mandarin, and Spanish, of course. It is a song for all of us.

That’s beautiful. I love that story and I love the way that you brought music into it. We all know that music is very powerful. It can touch the soul and spirit, and move things around in a supernatural way. It’s quite an important medium and a healing medium that you’re speaking through song. Thank you for sharing the story of Sebastian’s Song. People can still add to the song even today. Is that right?

That’s right. We would love that, and people could share the song with others who may find comfort in it as well.

That’s beautiful too. Even though it’s Sebastian’s song, other people or children who may be going through a similar situation can also benefit from this healing artwork that you’ve put together. Thank you so much Naomi for sharing about that. What about the video itself? What prompted the two of you to create this video about Sebastian’s story?

We created this video to show people what we were fighting for as a family. We’re a very private family. Before this, we had never shared a lot of personal photos online or anywhere. However, we felt that if we were going to describe, explain, or illustrate what it is that we’re fighting for when we’re fighting for our son and to find a cure, we wanted to share some of our most cherished memories. It is ultimately a portrait of our family to honor all other families that might be going through this, that they might see themselves in these memories, and what it means to fight for your family.

It’s a very inspiring video. I remember when I first saw that, I was very touched and moved by your story and by your situation. It prompted me to say, “What can I do that might help?” Even just to get the word out right now. Thank you for creating the video and for getting out of your comfort zone to share maybe more of your life than you’re accustomed to sharing. I know that other lives are going to be touched and impacted as a result of that. Michael, we haven’t heard too much from you yet. What else would you like to add at this point?

I think the power of video and images is something that resonates with most people. By sharing images and videos of Sebastian when he was an ordinary healthy child, who loved playing with his older brother Santiago? We love playing with trucks and balls, jumping on trampolines to show those images while also showing the reality of his chemo treatment in the hospital was our way of trying to connect with other families whose children have faced this horrible disease cancer. We’re hoping that while this video is a story about us and Sebastian, others can see themselves and their realities reflected in it.

Discovering Sebastian’s Cancer Diagnosis And Initial Reactions

That’s wonderful. That’s outstanding. Take us back to when you first found out that Sebastian had this cancer. I know it was back in October of 2021. Let’s go back there for a moment. How did you find out? What were you told and what did you learn about Myoepithelial Carcinoma at the time?

Last August, our otherwise healthy two-year-old son Sebastian was washing his hands one day and found a lump on the palm of his hand. That came out of nowhere. He’s an active child, learning how to ride a bike. We thought maybe he fell on his bike or he got bit by a bug or something. We monitored it for a few days. When it wasn’t going away, we decided to take him to the doctor. We took him in. They did an ultrasound of his hand and X-ray and they discovered what they described as a solid mass.

They were concerned enough to refer us immediately to a surgeon. The next day, we met with the surgeon who reviewed the ultrasound and x-rays and recommended that we do a biopsy of it to see what it was. His recommendation was since there wasn’t a need for a biopsy, we just go in and remove the entire mass. We agreed to do that. That was in early September of 2021, and they removed the mass successfully. Sebastian went home with almost 30 stitches on his hand and a full arm cast.

The sad part for us was that we had to wait over four weeks to receive a diagnosis of what we were facing. On October 6th, 2024, we got the call that is every parent’s worst nightmare. We got a call from the oncologist saying that our son had cancer. He had Myoepithelial Carcinoma, we use the acronym MEC. We were told to immediately check into the hospital. We did so and that night they did a series of scans, chess CT, and MRIs.

The next morning. We received even worse news. They discovered eleven modules in his lungs, which meant that the cancer had spread from his hand to his lungs. What’s known as metastatic stage-four cancer. The doctor told us that the prognosis was poor for his survival. He would need to begin chemotherapy immediately. That was the beginning of a journey that has been over a year now.

Understanding MEC: Rarity And Treatment Insights

That sounds very challenging and very difficult to hear news that devastating and to know that the cancer had advanced to stage four. You also said earlier that this is a very rare cancer, so not a lot is known about it. It’s a very aggressive cancer and so on. What have you learned about this MEC to date? Tell us about how rare it is, how it is treated, and what happened in Sebastian’s treatment.

The first night we were in the hospital, we did what most parents would do. We go to the internet and do an internet search for Myoepithelial Carcinoma. We found very little. We found a few scientific articles that had been written about it. What we quickly learned was that our oncologist at the University of New Mexico Hospital had never heard of this cancer and had never treated it before. We quickly learned that there were very few physicians and oncologists around the country who had ever seen or treated it.

This is what some scientists have referred to as an ultra-rare cancer. There’s no data and statistics to tell us how this cancer occurs in 500 or 1,000 kids a year. This is a cancer that’s so rare that has never been studied. What we do know is only a few cases a year are diagnosed in the US. There’s a dire need for even basic scientific research into what is Myoepithelial Carcinoma, what causes it, and what is the basic biology of that.

Because that type of research had never been done before, there were no proven treatments. There was no standard protocol and no cure. The chemotherapy that our oncologist treated him with was essentially throwing any chemo at it that they thought might work. He endured ten rounds of grueling chemotherapy over eight months. He has had four surgeries and is now considered in partial remission.

Impact Of Cancer Treatment On Sebastian And The Family

Great news about the partial remission. I’m glad to hear that. Chemotherapy is difficult on anyone and adults too. For a child, this must be extremely hard to go through. Tell us a little bit about what’s been the impact on your family on Sebastian going through those ten rounds of chemo.

Dr. Karen, I want to thank you so much for acknowledging that because chemo was never designed for children and growing bodies, and yet we are forced to go ahead with that treatment because it is the only treatment available. Many times, it does not work anyway. Within those eight months, he went through these ten brutal rounds. With each round, he needed multiple blood platelet transfusions.

[bctt tweet=”Chemo was never designed for children and growing bodies, and yet some are forced to go ahead with it because it is the only treatment available.” via=”no”]

He reached the threshold where you start to worry about hearing loss, heart damage, liver and kidney damage, and permanent damages that cannot be reversed. These are all the risks that parents take when they agree to this treatment. That is why looking for different cures and different options for treatments is so important to us and has become our passion. Only 4% of the national budget for cancer research in general goes to pediatric cancer research. If you have a rare cancer like ours, that means 0%.

What happens and what we learned in this journey is that the burden of finding researchers to do that research and funding it all goes down to the families. That’s why we knew right away we would need to start a non-profit organization so that any other family who gets this diagnosis has a place to go for information and a resource to connect with other families and learn from their treatments, what may have worked and may have not, so that we can champion and spearhead research into MEC.

Fundraising For Cancer Research: A Family’s Dedication

It’s quite a burden. I’m thinking a family is already going through so much and you’re dealing with your precious child and all the side effects and so on, then to have the burden also of having to raise funds for the research of the very cancer that your child has. One of the things about your story that I think is quite profound is that you were not only thinking about your child Sebastian, but you’re also thinking about other children and other families who are going through this as well. Tell us a little bit about the research project, how that works, the partners who are involved, and what are your goals in the fundraising.

Shortly after our son’s diagnosis and after learning that virtually nothing was known about MEC and there were no proven treatments, we set a goal for ourselves to change all of that. We’re going to do everything in our power as any parent would to save their kids’ lives. Both of us come from nonprofit and advocacy backgrounds. That’s where we went to first.

After recognizing that there was nothing known about MEC, we knew that we had to find the scientists to do that basic biology and research. We were very fortunate early on to be recommended to a non-profit research lab in Portland, Oregon called the Children’s Cancer Therapy Development Institute, CCTDI. They do Cutting Edge. Scientific research into finding treatments and cures for pediatric cancer. We got in touch with them. After their executive director heard our story, he took it upon himself to do some of his own research on us and came back to us within only a couple of days.

He said that he had an opportunity to learn more about us and our personal stories. Since we have dedicated our lives to giving back to our communities, this was karma coming back to us. At that point, he offered to take on the first-ever MEC research project in the world. We entered into a collaboration and partnership with CCTDI. That type of research takes funding. As Naomi mentioned, the burden of raising those funds falls on the families. Early this year in April, we started a GoFundMe campaign where we reached out to our friends and family and our personal and professional networks, and asked for funds.

We also knew that this was going to be a long journey. You can imagine trying to research a cancer that has never been studied and to find a cure for that cancer is going to take years. Our goal was to ensure that Sebas keep fighting until we find that cure. We made the hard decision at that point to start our own non-profit organization, which is called cureMEC.

The goal of cureMEC is to raise the funds necessary to fund the research into finding treatments and eventually a cure for MEC. We also have a goal of bringing together other MEC patients and families with the goal of building a network of MEC families and patients who can not only learn from one another but also support one another through our cancer journeys.

Lastly, we learned that so few funding was going towards pediatric cancer research, and based on our own experience, are having difficulties getting second opinions. Our third goal is to ensure that patients and families have access to the information that they need to make informed decisions about their children’s treatment. We’re embarking on various policy initiatives in New Mexico and supporting Federal legislation that would increase Federal funding for pediatric cancer research.

That’s phenomenal and I have to say your website cureMEC.org is excellent. It does a good job of clearly describing what MEC is all about and talking to families in a language that they can understand and have a little bit of a roadmap about where to go and what to do in their fight against this disease for their child as well. I want to applaud you on the website that you’ve created and the information that you’ve put on that website.

We walked in the footsteps of other families who have had to walk this journey with other different rare cancers. We’ve had mentors that we’ve been fortunate to have been taken on in that way for guidance.

That’s phenomenal. Let’s talk a little bit about the goals you have financially with the fundraising and how people can give to the cause. Would you mention something about that now so people understand the scope of it, how big it is, the funds you’ve already raised, and the various ways they can participate?

Our project with the Children’s Cancer Therapy Development Institute right now is a three-year project and the budget for each year is $300,000. It’s a total of $900,000 for that project with the Children’s Cancer Therapy Development Institute. Last week, we granted them our first grant of $67,500 and we’re excited for the work that’s already been underway in terms of the research. We’re also going to be looking into other avenues in terms of researching different treatments that are worth exploring. We’ll continue to raise additional funds. Our focus right now is to make sure that that project with the Children’s Cancer Therapy Development Institute is fully funded for those first three years.

That’s great. How can people get to the right place and give?

Our website is cureMEC.org You can donate directly there. We are a non-profit. We are fiscally sponsored right now as we await our 501(c)(3) approval, but all donations are tax-deductible from our fiscal sponsors. They can make donations directly to that site.

That’s phenomenal. Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s amazing to me that you have already collected the amount of funds you’ve collected and given your first donation to the research institute to start the work right away. That speaks to your commitment to your heart for your son and other people as well.

Journey Through Cancer Treatment As A Family

One of the things I know is that going through a journey like this is not easy. It’s very difficult. It’s hard on the family. You’ve had to at times move to California to get treatment for your son and so on. Tell us a little bit more about what has been the impact on your family and on your older son Santiago to go through this as well.

There’s a saying in the cancer community that cancer patients are warriors and they are heroes. That is true, and it is also absolutely true of their siblings. A cancer diagnosis asks a lot from all members of a family. Santiago is just fifteen months older than Sebas. He’s four years old now and Sebas is three. For those eight months of cancer treatment and chemo treatment, we spent a lot of nights in the hospital for chemo, but we spent a lot of nights in the hospital for infections that he got related to his chemo.

With each cycle, we were always re-admitted for at least 5 to 7 days for an infection, which meant ultimately, we spent two-thirds of our nights away from Santiago. That feeds a wound that will always be there. The two brothers have an incredible relationship. They love each other so much. Yet, as parents, the truth is we could never be enough. It is impossible to be enough in that situation because of what is asked.

Since we’ve been able to come home, we’ve worked on, as a family, our relationships and being there for each other, taking care of one another as much with everything that we have as we can, and ultimately, to be as grateful as we possibly can for the moments that we have together. I would have never imagined to say there’s anything beautiful about cancer. Yet you are giving an incredible gift of perspective to appreciate that every day is a miracle and it is a gift. We are so fortunate for the many that we have and we’ve had.

[bctt tweet=”Every day is a miracle. It is a gift. Be fortunate for the many you have and you have had.” via=”no”]

That is well said, every day being a miracle and a gift. The whole notion of redeeming the time, all of us ultimately are leaving here. Some of us don’t think about it and we aren’t aware of it. To be aware of the fragility of life and how important time with your loved ones is and to create those memories, you guys are doing an excellent job of that in very difficult circumstances.

It has been quite a journey. It’s only been a year much longer than that. One thing I’ll mention is that shortly after his cancer diagnosis initially treated at the University of New Mexico Hospital, as any parent would, we wanted to give Ssebas the best chance of survival. For us, that meant seeking the top experts in rare children’s cancers. We made the difficult decision last November to transfer his care from New Mexico to Stanford Children’s Hospital in California.

What that meant for our family was that Naomi had to quit a job that she had recently started. I had to go on a leave of absence from my work. We had to pick up our lives and move to California. We were so fortunate to have Naomi’s mother who happened to be visiting us from New Jersey at the time of his diagnosis.

We were so fortunate that she was able to travel with us to California. She was the one who was watching Santiago during those long days and nights that we were at the hospital and going back and forth rotating. One person would stay at the hospital with Sebas. The other parent would go spend some time with Santiago. We were so fortunate to have Kathy with us during these very difficult times.

It’s been a sacrifice. It’s been a difficult journey, but as Naomi mentioned, every moment with our children our priceless. They’re so precious. We can’t take enough pictures and videos because you never know what will happen. We want to be able to not only remember the memories that we’re building today. We want to have those pictures and videos to carry with us long into the future.

What a beautiful story about your mother-in-law helping at that time. It’s wonderful that Santiago was able to spend time with his grandmother rather than a stranger. It shows also the power of family in times of crisis and the love that you were able to share together during that difficult time. It was no accident that she happened to be with you at the time that you heard about the diagnosis.

Sometimes God knows what we need and he sends support in advance. We might not know why the person is there. However, it gets revealed ultimately why they’re there and it’s like perfect timing. It’s so good that she was able to drop everything and go with you to California. That is a blessing of huge monumental proportions.

Throughout this entire journey, we have been shown so much kindness from many people that we know and that we don’t know. All we wanted to do was to be able to create a wild child. We feel that in the way that we were able to physically cradle him, we were being cradled by a community. Grief is so hard, yet for us, the way that we’ve been able to sustain our strength and our faith is by letting other people carry it with us. That is a lot to ask and at the same time, we are so unbelievably grateful.

[bctt tweet=”Grief is so hard. Nevertheless, the way we have been able to sustain our strength and our faith is by letting in other people to carry with us.” via=”no”]

That’s an important thing you said about the community of people who will come alongside you so far, and I think are still coming to support you in this journey because this is a huge lift as difficult to do alone. It’s not intended that anyone should have to go through this alone. I love your heart to acknowledge with gratitude what people are doing, how they’re pouring in and loving you through the situation and circumstance.

We are certainly inviting people who are tuning in today to also step in and continue to love you through this process. Naomi, in your case, being an artist and particularly being involved in community art, you’ve used your creative genius already with Sebastian’s Song and putting that together. What other ways are you using your creativity and your art to walk through this season?

I remember one time when we were in California and it was a particularly rough day. I was there with my mom. I was going to visit Santi. Michael was at the hospital with Sebas. I don’t know what it was but I was having a hard time and I was pretty emotional. I don’t know what I said, but I remember what my mother said. She said, “You’re going to have to make something with it.” Ultimately, she was speaking of the grief that we’ve been holding.

Recently, I put out a letter that I wrote, which is A Request for Beauty on Behalf of My Broken Heart is the title. It is a letter born of my grief, but truly inspired by deep gratitude and the greatest love. It’s about asking people to enter into my grief. My grief is about my son and it is also about all of our children and all of us moving forward in this world with the devastation of climate collapse and the cost of our current way of living, what that means for the Earth who I consider to be my mother. It’s a request for people to respond to that letter by sending materials. I’ll just leave it there.

It’s a creative project because you’re asking for people to send in naturalistic materials. We know you’re going to build something phenomenal about it and with it. I’ll say this is a vehicle for moving through the grief, not necessarily staying in it permanently, but to be able to travel through it, come out the other side, and be enriched in any case. It’s a project of love, light, hope, and a journey. You’re using your talents and your gifts to create that.

We’re going to build a physical boat with these materials that get in. The boat is a place to invite children to dream in that space and to invite people who are in that precious place between living and dying, people who are ill to come and dream in it as well. We’re going to make with these dreams something that’s truthful that we will be able to share with everyone.

That is beautiful. I love that. It’s no accident that you’ve been given these tremendous gifts that you’re using at this time. That’s a blessing. Michael, in your case, we know that your career has certainly prepared you for this time as well. What are some of the work-related skills that you’re now repurposing for the benefit of your family in this season?

One thing that I’ve learned about myself is that I process grief and these kinds of challenging times differently than others. The only way that I’ve been able to get through a single day is to stay busy. For me, this is a time of action. We were told early on by a friend and colleague that this was a time of action and it resonated with me.

Over the last year, I have been spending any spare moment I have in helping to develop this organization, cureMEC, drafting content, drafting social media posts, trying to connect with legislators, developing a strategic plan for the organization, and fundraising plans, all in coordination with Naomi. We have a tremendous team of volunteers who have stepped in to help us every step of the way.

There are times when I need to spend time in nature. That’s how I ground myself, whether it be in the front yard, going for a walk, going on a kayak on a lake, or going camping. All of which, we take our children with us. Those outdoor experiences and spending time with Mother Nature have enabled me to keep going. As you can imagine, this is a very challenging time. If I even spend a minute thinking about what could happen next, I get very emotional.

My way of coping has been action. That’s finding scientists to partner with and figuring out how to get more donations in. That’s been some of the coping mechanisms that I’ve used over the past year, but it’s the skills that I’ve gained throughout my advocacy career, how do you bring people together around a common cause, how do you raise money for that cause, and how do you put plans into action.

As you said in your introduction, I feel that my years of advocacy work truly have been in preparation for this moment and we’re doing all that we can. We’re in a race against time. We’re so appreciative of these types of opportunities to elevate not only Sebastian’s situation but also the broader topic of pediatric cancer, something that we had never thought about before, but there are so many children and so many families being impacted by cancer. Children are our future and we need to prioritize them. One way to do that is by ensuring that the scientists have the resources they need to study pediatric cancers and find a cure for them all.

I think it’s significant Michael that you spent a lifetime so far being a community organizer and bringing partnerships together. Having that talent of knowing how to set up a nonprofit organization, the average person would have no clue how to do that, and to be able to do it so quickly is amazing that you have been able to do that. You’re using your skills to stay in action and to keep this at the forefront.

As you said earlier, there is essentially zero funding for this type of cancer already out there. I appreciate too that you talked about what you’re doing to replenish yourself, like the time in nature, the walks in nature, and having the boys to go with you as well. What else would either one of you like to share about what you’re doing that’s feeding your soul right now for this season?

I think making memories with the boys. Our boys love monster trucks. We took them to a Monster Jam truck show and they they got all decked out, wearing race car driving outfits. It was a special experience and it honored their dreams which right now focus on anything with wheels, just creating memories like that. That was more extravagant but whether it’s like we’re going to have a picnic in the living room and a pizza party. It’s thinking about celebrating. I think that’s something.

Celebrating Sebastian’s Spirit And Character

I love that you’re celebrating. When you watch a video, you can see the spirit of both of your boys, which is delightful. Tell us a little bit about Sebastian, what he’s like, and what there is to celebrate in this precious little boy.

I’m smiling from ear to ear because there is so much to celebrate with him. He is a free wild spirit. I would make up songs where the verses about him would be his eyes. He’d be looking at the sky and his head in the clouds, or right all the way to the ground, looking in the dirt. He has a wonderful imagination and is hysterical in the way he talks about things. He has an amazing vocabulary and he can use it very well to charm people or to persuade people, as Santiago as well.

Ultimately, I will say this. He has the biggest heart. When he loves, he loves with all of it. After he’d be fasting all day and had to go through a procedure or surgery, he would be getting out of the post-anesthesia unit and they would offer him a popsicle. He would want to save that popsicle for Santi. They would give him these little Hot Wheels Cars when we would go for any appointment he would have, and the child life specialist there always knew that he had to get two cars and he would always give Santiago whatever car Santiago wanted. He looks out for people. He looks out for all of us. He’s incredibly thoughtful and loving, and we are all better with him.

Words Of Encouragement For Families Facing Similar Challenges

That is so wonderful. It sounds like he has a generous heart just like his parents. It’s going from one generation to the next. I love that story. I know in the video, one of the scenes I enjoyed watching, and I’m sure he’s seen this done many times. He had that stethoscope and he was so serious with heart reading. He looks like he knows what he’s doing. He is a very bright and delightful child. I’m so glad you have so much to celebrate in him at this point. Let me ask this. Some families are going through this What encouragement would you give to other families who are in this season? I already heard you say to make memories and celebrate. What else would you share with them?

Given how much we have been given by connecting with other families who have gone through similar journeys, see if it’s possible to reach out or if it’s possible to be connected with other families who are struggling in the same way. We offer ourselves in that space because we do feel invisible in this space. It is incredible to meet others and immediately feel seen. We would like to do that for them.

It’s an incredibly lonely feeling to be a parent of a child with cancer. No one fully understands. They can imagine, but unless you’re in it, you can never imagine the nightmare that we are living. Other families who are going through this, we want to be able to connect with them. We encourage them to connect with others so that they don’t feel alone. They aren’t alone. We are a community.

[bctt tweet=”It is an incredibly lonely feeling to be a parent of a child with cancer. No one fully understands unless they are in it.” via=”no”]

One thing we’ve learned is that the pediatric cancer community is incredibly close. We had an opportunity to travel to Washington DC to attend what was called Cheer Fest, which was an event for families and children who are fighting cancer. It was the first time that I didn’t feel so alone being around this wonderful community. Many of the parents have lost their children, which was incredibly sad. There are others whose children are still alive and fighting. Having those connections with other families has been incredibly important for us.

Prayers, Donations, And Support For Sebastian

I loved the fact that you have created that community through the website as well. Again, that is cureMEC.org. People can go there, join the community, get support, and support each other through this journey. Let’s say again what people can do to participate. One thing I’m going to ask my community to do is to pray for a miracle of healing. We were talking to a predominantly faith-based community today and I know that there are prayer warriors out there, so please pray for Sebastian and please pray for other children who are going through situations like this.

Secondly, this research is so important. Being able to donate funds for the research is another way people can participate. They can record a song and add to Sebastian’s Song. You play that song for him as part of his healing therapy and his healing journey. What else would you say people can do to make a difference?

For information on how to record and submit a song, they can go to our website, cureMEC.org. There’s a page specifically for Sebastian’s Song. Another thing, we’d encourage people to do is if you are on social media, follow our page on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and please share our page. The more that we can get our story out there into the world, the more that people will understand what we’re going through, and help them understand the broader plight of children who are fighting cancer. That’s another thing that people can do.

I would add the prayer requests. On December 6th, Sebastian will be going for his next round of scans. Partial remission means that there is still cancer in his body. We’re very worried about the next scans. I think that’s the case for any parent when they are getting ready to go for scans. Those prayers mean the world to us. We’ll be asking people the night before December 5th to light a candle on December 6th. We did that last time. We feel like those lights will connect to our light and ultimately will send healing and faith out to our boy.

Words Of Wisdom For Corporate Executives

Thank you for bringing that up as well. We’ll be sure to promote it on that day too so people can be reminded of that opportunity. As we’re hastening to a close at this point, our audience is predominantly corporate executives. What words of wisdom would you like to leave to that audience of corporate executives?

They say children are our greatest teachers. Sebastian has epitomized that for us. He’s touched so many people. He’s opened up his heart to them and they opened up their heart to him. One thing that folks can think about and practice is if there are children in their lives, whether it be their own children or their friends’ children, to connect with them and open up your hearts to them. They can teach us so much if we pause for a moment and let them fill our lives with joy.

[bctt tweet=”Children are our greatest teachers. They can teach us so much if we just pause for a moment and let them fill our lives with joy.” via=”no”]

The other thing I’ll mention is that one thing we’ve learned is that the power of play is so very important and the power of joy. When Sebastian would come out of chemo treatment, he would be tired and sick. He would see his brother and they would start playing. It was the power of play and joy that I think was able to get him through the chemo and was able to get us through it as well. Get out there and play and experience joy.

Enjoy the children and learn the lessons from them. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you, Michael and Naomi for being here with me today. I hope that many people will join in the community and make a difference with you.

Thank you so much, Dr. Karen.

You are welcome. I’d like to close this segment today with the Bible verse. It comes from Matthew, the 19th Chapter, verses 13 and 14, “The little children were brought to him that He might put his hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not forbid them for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’ He laid his hands on them and departed from there.” My prayer is that God will touch little Sebastian and lay his hands on him just as Jesus laid his hands on the little children in this account. We know that God loves children and cares about the children. We’re praying for a miracle of healing for Sebastian.

 

Important Links

 

 

December 26, 2023

Be a Destiny Helper Today: Pastor Canisius Gacura (Episode # 456)

Pastor Canisius Gacura is the senior Pastor of Nyabugingo Worship Center in Kigali, Rwanda. When he first joined Dr. Karen on The Voice of Leadership, he had just published his book, “Discover Your Destiny: And Become a Destiny Helper.” He and his church have been wonderful Destiny Helpers to provide hope and healing to those recovering from the Rwandan genocide, people with disabilities, and the poor.

Since the time of his last visit, the church opened a new worship center which also houses a prayer center, Bible school, center for people with disabilities, and empowerment center for women. They are in the last necessary building phase to secure a government permit to officially open. The final phase requires $30,000 and they have a $15,000 matching grant to finish the work.

Given the current turmoil in the world with multiple wars, weather disasters, and increased violence we thought this would be a great occasion to re-broadcast this encouraging message from Pastor Gacura.

Be a Destiny Helper and give to complete the Nyabugingo Worship Center: https://give.y360.org/give/canisius  Specify Rwanda

Click here to learn more about the Rwanda ministry: http://bit.ly/unlimitedrwanda

December 12, 2023

“Built to Beat Chaos” with Gary Harpst (Episode # 454)

Gary Harpst is the CEO of LeadFirst where he develops powerful business and faith intersections for Christian executives in fast growing entrepreneurial companies. Now in his fifth decade as a CEO, Gary brings wisdom and experience to create organizational agility, and whole business, whole person health strategies for kingdom impact businesses.

An entrepreneur himself, Gary founded three successful businesses, one of which merged and was sold to Microsoft. He has authored three impactful books, the latest of which is, “Built to Beat Chaos.” Gary makes the Biblical case that we are all created to overcome chaos. He says, “Chaos is not our problem, but our purpose.”

In today’s episode Gary speaks with Dr. Karen about how to successfully lead a business by Christian principles, purpose, and values. He shares numerous examples of the benefit to people even when the people have different beliefs.

Contact Gary Harpst at leadfirst.ai

 

 

November 28, 2023

Testimony of God’s Redemption with Ron McMillon, Gospel Jazz Saxophonist (Episode # 452)

When Jacob’s son Joseph dreamed of the sun, moon, and stars bowing down to him he could not have imagined God’s path to the fulfillment of that prophetic dream. Likewise, God gave a vision to top 30 Billboard recording artist and gospel jazz saxophonist Ron McMillon. In Ron’s vision, he saw himself with a saxophone in one hand and a Bible in the other. Even in fiery trials and darkness when the vision seemed far away, God was still on the throne preserving Ron’s life and working all things out for his good.

Have you ever wondered if your mistakes are too great for God to manifest His gifts and calling in your life or to redeem you? Join Dr. Karen today as Ron McMillon shares words of hope, healing, and recovery in his testimony. God is brighter than the darkness and bigger than any problem. He will get the glory and honor from our lives even when we take wrong turns.

Contact Ron at RonMcMillon.com for music/speaking ministry engagements